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Boy Scout Troop 215 Anderson, SCSponsored by First Presbyterian Church of Anderson, South Carolina A Scouting Tradition Since 1928 |
Skits & Songs |
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The Source for the skits on this web page is "The MacScouter's Big Book of Skits". If you wish to have a copy of the original source material that can be downloaded and printed for your Scouting Unit (112 printed pages). Please click on the link below.
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7-Scouts
acts as the pilot, co-pilot and radioman on an airliner. 4 other scouts are on
the wings as the engines, on the wings of the plane.
The pilot
announces to co-pilot that engine one has failed. Engine one (ham this up)
sputters, makes noise and dies, Co-pilot instructs radioman to inform tower and
tell them they will be arriving 15 minutes late (radioman radios tower and
repeats message). Soon after engine two fails, repeat the process again but this
time tell the tower they will be 30 minutes late. Then engine three with more
panic tell the tower we will be 1 hour late. Finally, the pilot announces the
fourth and final engine has failed. The radioman then says: "Boys I'd
better radio the tower, we may be up here all day!"
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
Cast: 2
scouts (If more are desired, they can be passengers, with suitable sound
effects and actions. Seating for pilot and co-pilot, and for passengers if
required and a compass.
Announcer:
This scene is on board a very low budget airline.
Pilot: Well,
are we anywhere near the airport, co-pilot ? Co-Pilot: (peering out the window)
I don't know... I see lights over there to the port. That's likely it. Bring
'er around and have a look. Pilot: (lurching plane hard to the left) Boy, I
can't tell. I wish the company would buy us some instruments. Co-Pilot:
(pulling compass from pocket)
Oh, I've got
my trusty compass and the sun went down about 20 minutes ago, so we've got to
be on course.
(Excited) Look,
see that spot down there, that must be it. Pilot: Okay, here we go. Give me 20
degrees flaps, I'm going in. (Puts plane into a nose dive, sound effects.)
Pilot: This is going to be tough. Give me more flaps, cut back the engines.
(Louder) More flaps, less throttle ! Co-Pilot: (Appropriate actions and sounds,
acting panicky.)
Pilot:
QUICK, cut the engines, give me brakes. MORE BRAKES ! Both: (Sighs of relief)
We're down, we made it !
Pilot: Boy
that was a short runway ! Co-Pilot: (Looking right, then left) Yep, and wide
too !
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
Narrator:
Rider:
(enters pulling the burro) "Come on Speedy, those Cub Scouts at Southside
are waiting for their Male.
Narrator:
"Excuse me sir? Why do you call your burro Speedy?
Rider: Why,
this here is the fastest burro in the west.
Narrator:
"How fast is he?"
Rider:
"Why, he's so fast he can dance his shoes off! (Burro dances, and removes
his shoes and tosses them into the crowd and they leave.)
Narrator:
And there's always the legend of Rip Van Winkle. It's really quite unlikely
that he could sleep for forty whole years.
Rip Van W.:
(entering) Sleep? Did I hear someone mention sleep. Oh, I'd love to get some
sleep!
Narrator:
Have a hard day Rip?
Rip Van W.:
Day, day he says! Days is more like it. Ever since those Cub Scouts came to
town, I haven't slept a wink. Their Den Leaders keep knocking things over and
tripping over things. And you should hear them laugh.
Narrator:
Poor Rip, I guess he could use forty years sleep now.
Chef:
(entering eating an ice cream cone, and looking over and under and around
things, saying...."Nope, not here, etc. and "I know it's around here
somewhere." Continuing to look.)
Narrator:
Boy that ice cream looks good. Where can I get some?
Chef: Down
the road at Custard's Last Stand.
Narrator:
What are you looking for?
Chef: A
mine.
Narrator:
You mean the Lost Dutchman Mine?
Chef: No the
lost Italian Mine of course. I hear they have the greatest pizza.
Narrator:
There was a guy over there who was talking about pizza earlier. I think his
name was Wild
Bill.....(hiccup)
Wild Bill........(hiccup)....
Chef: Yeah,
I know him, Wild Bill Hiccup - Hiccup...(leave the room)
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
Characters:
6 to 8 Cub Scouts
Props: Paper
sacks
Setting:
Skit opens with boys standing together in a backyard. Cardboard cutout trees
and bushes could be used.
1st Cub:
Gee, there's nothing to do.
2nd Cub:
Yeah, I know.
3rd Cub:
Hey, let's have a backyard picnic.
All: Yeah!
4th Cub: But
it's going to rain.
1st Cub: I
don't think so. If it does, we can eat in the house.
2nd Cub:
I'll bring the potato chips.
3rd Cub:
I'll bring the hot dogs.
4th Cub:
I'll bring the hot dog buns.
5th Cub:
I'll bring the drinks.
6th Cub: And
I'll bring something special!
(All walk
offstage and come back carrying sacks)
2nd Cub:
Here are the chips.
3rd Cub:
Here are the hot dogs.
4th Cub:
Here are the hot dog buns.
5th Cub:
Here are the drinks.
6th Cub:
(Drops his sack) Oh, no!
5th Cub:
What's wrong?
6th Cub: I
brought the ants!!
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
The scene is
an art show where judges are inspecting several canvases on displayed. They
comment on the brightness, color, technique, that is used on the different
pictures. They select one for the prize and comment additionally on the genius,
imagination, and the beauty of the picture. The artist is called up and the
winning picture is shown to him. The painter exclaims, "Oh, my goodness,
that got in by mistake. That's the canvas that I clean my brushes on."
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
Important
Guy: "OK, Aug, I want you to sell these pencils."
Aug:
"Pen-Solls"
Important
Guy: "That's right, Aug. Now, when you see someone coming down the street,
I want
you to tell
them what you're selling."
Aug:
"Pen-Solls"
Important
Guy: "Yes, Aug. Be more enthusiastic about it!"
Aug, waving
his hands in the air: "Pen-Solls!!!"
Important
Guy: "Very good, Aug. Now, people will want to buy your pencils, and
they'll ask how much they are. They come in $2, $5, and $10 packs. Got
that?"
Aug:
"Pen-Solls?"
Important
Guy: "No: Two, Five, Ten."
Aug:
"Two .. Five ... Ten!!!"
Important
Guy: "I think you've got that. Now Aug, one more thing. Someone might ask
why they should buy your pencils. If they ask that, Aug, I want you to tell
them this. 'If you don't, somebody else will'".
Aug:
"If you don't ... somebody else will!"
Important
Guy: "Very good. Now, get out there and sell pencils!"
The
important guy wanders offstage, and Aug wanders to the other side of the stage.
A man on the street approaches Aug. Aug runs to him waving his hands.
Aug, in his
face: "Pen-Solls!!!"
Man on
street: "Hey, you're a real jerk! How many people have you done this
to?"
Aug:
"Two, Five, Ten!"
Man on
steed: "You're really asking for a punch in the mouth, buddy."
Aug:
"If you don't .. somebody else will!"
Man on
street punches Aug, who falls flat, that's the end of the skit.
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
Cast:
Doctor, three Dads
Setting:
Hospital
Doctor: Mr.
Thompson, congratulations. You're the proud father of twins!
Thompson:
What a coincidence -- I come from
Later --
Doctor: Mr.
Smith, you now have triplets!
Smith:
That's quite astonishing! I come from Three Rivers!
Third father
faints; doctor revives him.
Doctor: Mr.
Smart -- what's wrong? Your wife hasn't even given birth yet!
Smart: I
come from
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
Two scouts
lay down on sleeping bags on the stage. Two other scouts, pretending to be
bikers "ride" over to
one of the
scouts who is on top of the bag and proceed to beat him up. They do anything
they want to make it
look like
they have hurt him. They see him moving and "ride" off.
The scout
who just got beat up turns to his buddy and says, "Two bikers just came
through the woods and
beat me
up." His buddy turns to him and says, "It was just a dream, go back
to sleep."
This happens
two more times, with the bikers beating up the guy, but on the third time,
something different
happens. The
guy who gets beat up turns to his buddy and tells him what happened again. This
time his friend
says,
"Fine, if it will make you feel better, I'll switch places with you."
Now the
bikers come back and go up to the same sleeping bag again, and one turns to the
other and says,
"This
guy's had enough, let's get the other guy."
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
Akela:
"Now, (Cubs name), you know you should always do Good Turns."
1st Cub: I
tried, honest!
Akela: OK
Each Cub
enters and says similar things to Akela
Last Cub:
(carrying a small frying pan with a "pancake" in it) I did a good
turn! (flips pancake over and catches
it in pan).
But you should see the mess in the kitchen! (other Cubs look ashamed)
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
The players
in the orchestra each hold a balloon. They blow up their balloons in unison,
then let out the air in
a squeak at
a time to the rhythm of some easily recognized rhythm such as "Blue Danube"
or "Jingle Bells". To
end the skit
all fill their balloons with air and let go at the directors signal.
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
This is
great fun in warm weather at a campfire, and it takes a little practice for the
perpetrators. There is
plenty of
room for variation, depending on what the Scouts can imagine and how the volunteers
react at the time.
As usual,
the Scapegoat gets wet.
Preparation
You will
need an Announcer and a Pitcher, but the Batters will be volunteers. The first
Volunteer should be
told what is
happening ahead of time, so that his performance shows others how it's done.
Set up a sheet a
backdrop.
Two Scouts hide behind it, one with a flashlight and the other with a bucket of
water (but be sure that
the audience
does not see the bucket). The flashlight is held against the sheet to simulate
the ball. The
movement of
the light is the key to the whole skit.
A baseball
bat or a thick stick is needed for the batter, and a baseball glove for the
Pitcher. Use a roll of
canvas and a
stick (or something similar) to simulate the sound of the ball hitting the
catcher's glove (done by a
Scout behind
the sheet). If it is dark, have two strong flashlights shining on the Pitcher
and Batter.
The Skit
The
Announcer comes on stage and tells the audience that there will be a baseball
pitching demonstration.
He
introduces the Pitcher as the greatest pitcher of all time, who will show us
his famous specialty pitches. After a
buildup
about how great the Pitcher is, the Announcer positions the Pitcher at one end
of the sheet.
The
Announcer asks for members of the audience to volunteer to try to hit this
famous pitcher's best pitches.
The first
volunteer is given the bat and placed at the other end of the sheet. The
Announcer explains that the
Pitcher will
throw one pitch, and the Batter must do his best to hit the ball.
The Pitcher
winds up and pretends to throw, as the Announcer narrates ("He's set. He
winds up. There's the
pitch!"
The Scout behind the screen moves his light rapidly down the sheet. The
Announcer yells, "Fast ball!"
The Batter
swings hard. We hear the sound of the ball hitting the catcher's mitt. The
Announcer says, "A strike!
You're
Out!" The Batter returns to his seat.
Another
Batter is recruited. This time the Announcer calls out a curve ball, which
curves wildly across the
sheet. The
Batter is again called out. The process continues with a knuckleball and a
screwball.
Finally, the
Announcer introduces the famous Pitcher's dreaded Secret Pitch. He asks for a
special volunteer,
of
especially outstanding baseball ability and unusual courage, to try to hit this
pitch. A Scapegoat is volunteered
by the
Announcer and encouraged to come up.
The Batter
is carefully placed, and the ball is pitched. As it comes to the Batter, the
Announcer cries, "Watch
out! It's a
spitball!"
His warning
comes too late, as water cascades over the sheet onto the Batter.
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
Cast: Bear,
two hunters
Setting: The
woods
#1:
(Whispering) Ah! There's a bear! I can shoot it and I'll have my take for the
day! (Bang! And the bear
falls down.)
Well, I'll go get some rope to drag it.
#2: No! It's
mine!
#1: Hey! I
shot that bear myself. It's clearly mine.
#2: Look.
You couldn't have shot that bear if I didn't drive us here.
#1: Well,
I've got news for you. I just killed that bear. It's mine.
#2: And another
thing, ...
The two
continue arguing when all of a sudden, the bear rises, growls, and frightens
the two hunters away.
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
1st Scout
"OOOOOUCH, OOOOOOH, OOOOOUCH"
2nd Scout
"What's the matter with you?"
1st Scout
"A bee's stung my thumb!"
2nd Scout
"Try putting some cream on it then."
1st Scout
"But the bee will be miles away by this time."
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
Cast:
Actor(s), Director, Cameraman, Others in a studio
Setting:
Studio
Director:
Okay, People! Let's get going!
Cameraman:
But Sir!
Director: No
interruptions! Action!
Actor,
speaking in a dull voice, does a commercial for Scout Root Beer, talking about
its great taste, made
from
dishwater and leftover porridge, and lots of the special ingredient, "Hop
to it," which the Scout leader often
said, from
Scout camp when ...
Director:
Cut! That sounded like you don't like the stuff! Sound sincere!
Okay! Let's
try it again!
Cameraman:
But Sir!
Director: No
buts! Action!
Actor begins
again, appropriately sincere, and there are the usual interruptions by the
director, saying it's too
fast, too
slow, whispers into the actor's ear (who then checks his zipper) until finally,
everything goes smoothly. All
the while,
the Cameraman keeps on interrupting the Director at the same time.
Director:
Cut! And Print! That was fantastic! Let's get out of here!
Cameraman:
But Sir! We don't have any film!
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
Version
1:
Props: Coat
with football or wadded clothing under it for the Hunchback, hat or nightstick
for Gendarme.
Announcer:
The Hunchback of Notre Dame has decided to retire, and has place an ad in the
Paris Times for
someone to
come and learn how to ring the bells.
Effects:
(Knock, knock, knock)
Hunchback:
(Gravely voice) Oh, somebody must be here about my job. I'll go down and see.
(Goes 'round
and 'round
the campfire, as if going down the bell tower, bent over due to hunch.)
Effects :
(Knock, knock, knock)
Hunchback:
(Angrily) I'm coming, I'm coming. There's a lot of stairs here. (Arrives at and
opens the door.)
Hunchback:
Yeah ! What do you want ?
Applicant:
I'm here about the bell ringer's job.
Hunchback:
All right ! Come on up and I'll see if you can do the job. (Begins to go up
(the other way around)
followed by
the applicant.)
Applicant:
Boy, the ceiling is not very high here, is it ?
Hunchback:
Listen, you go up and down these stairs 20 times a day for 45 years and you
just learn to stay
bent over.
Hey, did you close that door, didn't you ?
Applicant: I
don't know. I don't remember.
Hunchback:
Well, we gotta go down and keep it locked, can't run up the church's fuel bill.
(Both turn around
and go
back.)
Hunchback:
That's the first thing you gotta learn. Keep the door closed. Up and down these
stairs, that's the
hard part.
(Arriving at door) O.K., so now you're here, close the door.
Applicant:
(Closes door) How are the benefits in this job ?
Hunchback:
(Both going back up) Well, it has it's ups and downs. The Church board will buy
you ear plugs
every six
months and a new bottle of bell polish once a year (Finally arriving at the
bell) All right, now you stand
over there,
and I'll show you how it's done. First you grab the bell here and push it out
very hard (steps back and
follows path
of bell out and back) then the bell comes back on it's own. That's all there is
to it. Do you think you
can do that
?
Applicant:
Sure ! (does the action with the bell, but does not step back, is hit by bell
and falls back, to the
ground)
Hunchback:
Oh my gosh ! He's fallen 15 stories to the sidewalk. I'd better get down there.
(Goes 'round and
'round until
he reaches the ground)
(Crowd
enters mumbling, stops astonished at body)
Gendarme :
(Entering, calls to Hunchback) Hey you ! Do you know this guy ? (Rolls body
over with foot)
Hunchback:
No, but his face sure rings a bell !
Version
2:
(The trick
with this skit is to do it the night after doing Bell Ringer #1, and to do
everything exactly the same -
perhaps with
a little more 'hamming it up')
(When the
Applicant arrives the Hunchback says:)
Hunchback:
You look just like the guy who was here yesterday.
Applicant:
Oh, that was my twin brother.
(Revert to
the original dialog again. The audience will think it's getting a re-run and
prepare itself for a
'groaner' of
a cheer. When they hear the ending, you'll get a great reaction.)
(Carry on
with dialog, except for the last line.)
Hunchback:
No, but he's a dead ringer for the guy who was here yesterday !
Version
3:
(To be used
ONLY when Bell Ringer #1 and #2 have been used.)
Props: Rain
slickers, blanket, and Gendarme gear from above.
(Two players
enter in rain slickers holding blanket between them like a jumping net. The jig
and jog around
the
performing area.)
Gendarme :
(Entering) Hey, what are you guys doing ?
Fireman #1:
Well, the last two nights some guy has jumped out of that bell tower, and we
came to catch him !
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
First scout
walks to center of stage, stands to attention, salutes and says, "BE
PREPARED." This is repeated
by three
other scouts. When they are all standing side by side, a loud motor horn or
explosion is let off behind the
audience.
The scouts
then all say, 'WE TOLD YOU TO BE PREPARED'
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
17. The Best Spitter In The World
The key
performer is the Catcher, who must wave around a can of water without spilling.
He simulates the
spit hitting
the can by tapping on the can with his finger. He will need to practice so that
he does not spill, does not
show the
audience that there is water in the can, and can be heard but not seen when he
taps the can.
The catcher
sits quietly in the audience. The can of water is on the stage, but not
obvious.
A Scout
loudly proclaims himself as The Best Spitter In The World. He boasts about his
spitting ability, saying
that he can
spit farther than anyone else. Other Scouts, who have been planted at the back
of the audience,
challenge
him to prove it, saying that they do not believe him. The audience takes up the
cry.
The Spitter
agrees and asks for someone from the audience to catch for him, just to prove
his ability. The
Catcher
volunteers, acting as if he expects to be the scapegoat.
The Spitter
explains that he will stand about 20 feet apart. He will spit, and the Catcher
will catch the spit, just
to prove the
distance and accuracy. The Catcher reacts with horror, "I'm not going to
touch your spit!" The Spitter
is
understanding, notices the can, and offers it as something to catch with. The
Catcher agrees with obvious
relief.
They set up
a short distance apart. The Spitter winds up and spits. The catcher reaches up
and catches with
a solid
thump.
The Spitter
takes a bow, but the audience is not impressed. They say anyone can do that, do
something
harder. They
back off and repeat the performance from a greater distance. Again, the
audience yells at him.
After
several tries, the Spitter claims that he can spit all the way around the
world! The audience reaction is
predictable.
They set up; the Spitter spits; the Catcher ducks, waits, moves the pan around,
and catches it.
Now the
planted Scouts yell that the Spitter is a fake! They say that he couldn't
really spit all around the world.
The Spitter
says, "Oh, yeah? Show them."
The Catcher
turns and throws the water into the crowd.
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
Cast: 2
Scouts
There are
two scouts, they each say, "I'm the better thief."
"No I'm
the better thief."
Then one
says, "Wait, lets have a contest, we will walk past each other three times
and who ever steals the
best thing
wins."
The scouts
then walk past each other twice pulling out objects such as knife, watch,
glasses, etc.
Finally on
the third pass, the first scout says, "I've got your wallet, ha, beat
that!"
The second
Scout looks around nervously then says, "You've got my wallet, well in
that case you would win,
but ... I've
got you're underwear!" And waves a pair of shorts in the air.
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
(The scene
begins with three players on their hands and knees, in a row, as bicycles.)
Shop Owner:
Well, there we are, three brand new bicycles all set up for sale.
Customer :
(Entering) Hi. I'd like to buy a bicycle.
Shop Owner:
Sure thing. Why don't you try them on for size ?
(Customer
sits on the first bike and it falls down. The second is too big, while the
third is too small.)
Customer : I
sure like the first one, let me try it again.
Shop Owner:
Why not ? (Setting up bike again) There you are, it's all set up again.
(Customer sits on it, and
again it
falls down.)
Customer : I
don't know. I really like this one but it keeps falling down. I'm afraid it's
not made well enough.
Shop Owner:
Our bicycles are all very well made. It was just assembled this morning, and it
may need a little
adjustment.
Let me get some help.
(A volunteer
is chosen from the audience, who is instructed to hold one 'wheel' of the now
upright bicycle.)
Customer :
(Sitting on the bike) That's perfect now. What was the problem ?
Shop Owner:
Oh, we just need a big nut to hold it together !
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
with. The
first starts out with a small handgun and the last ending up with a very
powerful rifle, shotgun, whatever.
Two others
come over who have overheard the hunter and want to settle a bet. Are the
hunters going after wolves
or moose.
One of the hunters relies," "Why no, we are going after
mosquitoes!!"
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 1 through 20
Cast: Guy, 4
People on lunch break
Setting:
Park Bench
Guy is
sitting on park bench.
Guy: I'm waiting
for my girlfriend. I hope she comes soon.
(Luncher #1
sits on bench and moves him over. #2 sits on end and they move over, further
pushing guy. #3
comes, and
#4 comes, each in turn pushing the guy a little until he falls off. Really
annoyed, he starts to scratch
himself a
little, then a little more then all over. Lunchers look at each other, start
scratching a little bit then
hurriedly
leave.)
Guy:
(Sitting on bench again) Works all the time!
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 21 through 40
A simple,
one person skit that is great for those loose moments in a campfire.
Cast: 1 Person,
log (or imaginary mower), "Volunteer," Victim
Person:
(Groans and grunts as he's bent over carrying "heavy" mower.) Uhh.
(Lets it down.) These old
models, I
tell you. They are so heavy, and they don't work well. Maybe I should buy a new
mower this week.
Well, let's
get going. (Pulls rip cord to start, but it won't start. Makes appropriate
sputtering noises. Tries again
and again.
Maybe get a "volunteer" to help. Again, no success. Get your victim
to try, and on first try, it sputters
to great
life!) I guess it just needed a bigger jerk!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
An
alternate ending follows the regular skit.
Cast: Box or
suitable covering, Person in Box, Announcer, Victim, regular and serving
spoons, stick and log,
paper and
book, rubber chicken, small cue card
Setting:
Circus, Boardwalk, Technology Show
Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen! To demonstrate my enlarging machine, I will need a
volunteer! (Get your
victim.) I
need you to help me while I explain what is going on. Now, look at what this
machine can do! Please,
will you put
this spoon into the machine? (He does, and out comes the serving spoon,
noises.) Isn't that amazing,
ladies and
gentlemen! Now watch. (Victim puts in stick, and log comes out.) My goodness,
something to heat
your home
with! This is amazing! And please put in this piece of paper. (Book comes out.)
Even I am amazed!
(Finally,
chicken is put in, and say you expect a turkey to come out. But cue card comes
out.) This is amazing!
The machine
says that the biggest turkey of them all is right here!
An alternate
ending is to complain about how slowly the machine is working, and it needs to
be washed. The
operator
throws a small cup of water on the side, and a moment later a large bucket of
water hits him.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
There are
several Black Bart skits, all revolving around the basic plot of the hero
chasing Black Bart. The hero
and BB come
face to face. BB is cornered, building up the tension. Destroy it with the
anticlimactic line of: "You
get the ping
pong ball and I'll get the paddles and I'll meet you in five minutes." Or
"Oh, all right, Black Bart, you
use that one
and I'll use the one upstairs." Use the latter one when BB is trapped in
some room.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
This takes
about six guys, who form a circle around an invisible blanket, with a small
invisible guy (Bruce) who
sits in the
middle of the invisible blanket and gets tossed.
"We're
an Olympic blanket tossing team, and Bruce in the middle here is our star
blanket bouncer. We'll toss
Bruce a bit
just to warm up. One, two, three! One, two, three! One, two, three!"
On three
each time, the team lets the pretend blanket go slack, then pull it taught.
They watch the invisible
Bruce go up
in the air, then come down, and the gently catch him again in the blanket. Each
time they toss him
higher. The
team has to be in sync, and they have to watch about the same spot -- the
easiest way to do this is to
have
everyone just imitate the leader, who is the speaker.
"OK,
we're all limbered up now?" The team murmurs in agreement. "Then
let's toss Bruce a bit higher. One,
two,
three!"
Bruce comes
up, and the team adjusts their position a bit to catch him as he comes down.
"One,
two, three!" This wait about ten seconds, and move quite a bit to get
under him. Move this way and that
before
finally catching him.
"One,
two, three!" twenty seconds this time, almost lose track of him, adjust
the position here, there, and here
again.
"What?
What's that you say, Bruce?" pause "Audience, you are in luck! Bruce
wants to go for the world record
blanket
toss! Ready team? One! Two! Thu-reee!!!" A mighty toss! The team shifts
positions, like trying to catch a
high fly
ball. "There he goes! He's past the trees! He's really up there!"
pause, looking hard into the sky "Do you
see him?
I've lost him. Where'd he go?" another pause "Oh well." The team
leaves the stage, and the program
continues.
After
another skit and song, and preferably in the middle of awards or announcements
of some sort, "Bruce!
Quick
team!" The blanket tossing team runs back on stage, positions themselves
this way and that, and catches
Bruce.
"Let's have a big hand for Bruce! Yay!!!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
Recruit
three or four volunteers and blindfold each one. Have the volunteers stand in
front of the audience
and instruct
them to take off anything they have on. The smart ones will remove their
blindfold, but those caught
up in the
joke will continue to remove items. Continue with those remaining one item at a
time, until it borders on
indecency.
Then remove the blindfold and let them in on the joke
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
A leader
begins to explain how to lay a campfire. The leader decides to use members of
the audience to
represent
different pieces of wood. The bonfire builders bring up various volunteers.
Some of the volunteers are
bunched in
the center for tinder with others placed for kindling with the "big"
logs stacked on top of each other in
increasing
larger sizes. The leader then says that the fire is ready to light, strikes a
match, whereupon, several
accomplices
yell out that its ON FIRE and dash several buckets of water on the fire.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
A
variation on The Ghost of
Cast: Border
Guard, Supervisor, Several Crossers, 2 Brooms
Guard: Hi,
Boss! I'm new here! What do I do?
Supervisor:
Well, you have to make sure that people don't try to cross the border without
stopping first. You
can shoot at
them if you have to.
Guard: With
what?
Supervisor:
Well, we're out of guns, so here's a broom. People won't know the difference if
you just go Bang!
Bang! Bang!
Guard: OK.
(He goes to the side, and someone tries to cross without stopping, so he shoots
at him. The
crosser
falls.) Boss! Boss! It worked!
Supervisor:
See? I told you. Now whenever it doesn't work, here's a pretend bayonet. If
they don't fall from
the fake
gun, you can always try stabbing them.
Guard: OK.
(He goes to the side, and someone tries to cross without stopping, so he shoots
at him. It
doesn't
work, so he tries stabbing him. The crosser falls.) Boss! Boss! It worked!
Supervisor:
See? I told you. Now go to work and don't stop until your shift is finished.
Guard: OK.
(He goes to the side, and someone tries to cross without stopping, so he shoots
at him. It
doesn't
work, so he tries stabbing him. It doesn't work either.) Boss! Boss! What do I
do?
Before boss
answers, crosser points a broom at the guard and goes Bang! Bang! Bang! and the
guard falls.
Cast:
Customer, Shopkeeper
Setting:
Brain Shop
Customer: Hi!
I'm bored with myself. I'd like to buy a new brain and have an all new
personality.
Shopkeeper:
(In one of those evil, horror movie voices) Ahh, yes. Well, I can sell you this
brain from Billy
Customer:
(In Billy Crystal style voice) Marvelous. I ... feel ... marrrvelous. But I
don't think it's me. Can I try
another?
Shopkeeper:
Okay. Let me see. (Rummages around.) Let's try this one. It's the brain from
Captain Kirk.
Only $5000.
Customer:
(In Kirk voice) Scotty ... Can you fix those transporters? No, a bit too famous
for me.
Shopkeeper:
Sure. I'll go out back. (Rummages around in back of store.) Here's one from
Ronald Reagan.
It only
costs $5000. How do you feel?
Customer:
(In Ronald Reagan style voice) Well ... Bonzo, stop that ... I think that this
one's still a bit too
famous for
me.
Shopkeeper:
Hmmmm. A tough customer. I'll have to go down to the basement. I'll be back.
(Customer
comments on
the kind of brains he has gotten and what kind he'll get next.) Ahhh, here we
are. The best in the
house, not
famous at all. I guarantee you'll love it. Only $15000. (Yes ... $15000.)
Customer:
(Imitates a leader in the crowd for some notorious act, such as putting up the
sign and calling out
"PACK!"
or admonishing the kids or doing a famous routine or the like.) Hmmm ... this
is good. But I recognize it.
No, wait ...
it's (Insert name of person.) I love it! But tell me ... the brains of those
three famous people only cost
$5000
apiece. This one, however, comes from a virtually unknown, unimportant person.
Why does it cost
$15000?
Shopkeeper:
Well, it's never been used!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
A group
Scout goes to a new Scientific Laboratory where they have developed a new
process for brain
transplants.
The Scouts asks to see the selection of brains. The doctor shows them a
selection. (the brains may
be in cans,
where they look in it). The first one is marked $500.00. The scouts ask about
it and are told it is the
brain from a
peddler. The next $1,000.00,-a policeman, 1,500.00 - a teacher, etc up to
$5,000.00 for the brain of
the greatest
physicist in the world. The Scouts then see a container marked, $20,000.00 and
ask about it. The
doctor
explains "It is the brain from ____________ (Cubmaster or Den Leader) and
has never been used!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
Scene: A
person standing on a stage reciting a long story (or some other activity). A
second person will enter
The second
person will need the following props: A briefcase, and a step ladder.
1. Person 2
walks on with a briefcase. First person asks him what he's doing.
Reply:
"I'm taking my case to court". Walks off.
2. Enters
again with a step ladder. Same as before, this time replying: "I'm taking
my case to a higher court"
3. This
time, person two places the hands of the story teller in front of him, and puts
his case on them.
"I rest
my case" (This one works best when the story teller doesn't know about
it).
4. Final
entry, without a case: "I lost my case"
This can
of course be expanded. Seen in a variety show with many other things happening
(mostly knock knock
jokes) in
turn. Can be good when done properly.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
This skit
has a Brotherhood theme, and is well-suited to the older sections (Scouts and
higher) and leaders,
particularly
in an all-sections campfire. It is best presented near the end of the campfire,
when things are winding
down (and
the children have settled down).
People
required for the Skit: 6
Cast:
Old Man with
a Staff
Spirit of
the Beaver
Spirit of
the Wolf Cub
Spirit of
the Scout
Spirit of
adventure
Spirit of
the Rover
(fewer
people may be used by doubling up on roles)
Skit Setup:
Index cards can be used by the Spirits if there isn't time to memorize each
role. (Small Flashlight
recommended!)
The Old Man
is inside the campfire circle, walking slowly with his staff. He is slightly
hunched over with age
and leans on
the staff heavily.
The Scouting
Spirits are evenly spaced outside the campfire circle, just far enough back not
to be seen. (They
should speak
loud and clearly).
NOTE: When
the Old Man stops each time and looks into the fire, there should be 2-3
seconds of silence
before the
Spirits speak.
(The
memories that the Old Man says aloud should be specific to the group, so they
have relevance to the
audience and
can feel the full impact of the skit. Consult with other leaders/ youth for
ideas.)
The Skit:
OLD MAN
(Shuffling slowly around the campfire). "My life has been long, too long,
and my Scouting years are
behind me.
My friends are all gone and I am going to die alone. Old and Alone."
(Stops and stares into the fire)
ALL SPIRITS:
"SHARING"
SPIRIT OF
THE BEAVER: "I am the Spirit of the Beaver. When you were young, I taught
you Sharing and
Caring for
the World."
OLD MAN
(Resumes shuffling slowly around the campfire). <Beaver Memory> e.g.
"Beavers. I remember
Beavers.
Riverbanks and the Beaver Pond, making crafts to take home to Mom..."
<etc.> (The Old Man stops
again and
stares into the fire.)
ALL SPIRITS:
"A-Ke-Lah"
SPIRIT OF
THE WOLF CUB: "I am the Spirit of the Wolf Cub. I taught you to do your
best, I led your Pack
through the
forest and you lived by My Law."
OLD MAN
(Resumes shuffling around the campfire). <Cub Memory> e.g. "Cubs. I
remember Cubs. Hot Dog
roasts in
the bush, my first real camp-out, and of course the Kub Kar races..."
<etc>. (The Old Man stops again
and stares
into the fire.)
ALL SPIRITS:
"On My Honor"
SPIRIT OF
THE SCOUT: "I am the Spirit of the Scout. I taught you knots and how to
camp without a trace,
and together
we explored the land."
OLD MAN
(Resumes shuffling around the circle). <Scout Memory> e.g. "Scouts.
I remember Scouts. Long
hikes and
long camps, breaking lake ice for water in the winter. And then there was
Jamboree..." <etc.> (Stops
and stares
into the fire.)
ALL SPIRITS:
"Challenge"
SPIRIT OF
ADVENTURE: "I am the Spirit of adventure. I taught you leadership and set
you free, to test your
limits to
the skies."
OLD MAN
(Resumes shuffling around the fire). <Venturer Memory> e.g. "Oh,
yes, Venturers. Attending
Jamboree as
a Hikemaster, leading people from around the world into the
and trying
to date Rangers..." <etc.> (Stops and stares into the fire)
ALL SPIRITS:
"Service"
SPIRIT OF
THE ROVER: "I am the Spirit of the Rover. I led you to adulthood and
self-destiny. We chose to
give back
the love we were given through Service."
OLD MAN
(Resumes shuffling). <Rover Memory> e.g. "Rovers. I could never
forget Rovers. Helping out at
Dream-On,
putting on District campfires. And then there were the Moots and Road trips.
And camps, camps,
camps."
(Slows down and begins to sink to the ground. He is dying.)
ALL SPIRITS
(Walk straight into the campfire circle from where they stand, if possible.
They should all arrive
at the Old
Man's body at the same time. Wait a moment or two.)
"We are
the brotherhood of Scouting". <Each section says its name in order -
BEAVERS, CUBS, SCOUTS,
VENTURERS,
ROVERS.> "If you grow up with Scouting you are NEVER alone."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
33. The Bubble Gum on the Street
Cast: Kid,
Dog, Basketball Player, Car, Jogger and Old Man
Setting:
Kid: Blowing
bubbles is just great. Watch. (Blows imaginary bubble; it pops and lands
somewhere on the
ground.)
Hmm. Where did it go? I should look for it. (Goes around and exits, still
looking for it.)
Enter dog,
who stops, sniffs at gum, pees on it, and exits. Basketball player is dribbling
ball when it gets stuck
on the gum
-- he tries to loosen it and finally does. Car drives right over it. Jogger
goes by, his foot gets stuck on
it; old man
comes by and his cane gets stuck on it. Finally, Kid comes back.
Kid: Ahh!
There's my piece of gum! (Picks it up, pops it in his mouth and continues
chewing.)
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 21 through 40
34. The Bubble Gum in the Studios
A quick,
2-person skit you can use to fill a moment when a six or patrol isn't ready
(but should be.)
Cast:
Announcer, Boy
Setting:
Stage
Announcer:
Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the world famous WHEEL OF FISH! (Boy comes
crawling
onto stage.)
I say, young man, what are you doing down there?
Boy:
(Looking up) I'm looking for my bubble gum!
Announcer:
Well, where did you lose it?
Boy:
Backstage!
Announcer:
Then why look here?
Boy: The
lighting is better here!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
These are a
variation of the popular elephant jokes. They can be set up with two boys for
each "joke".
Cub 1: How
can you tell if a buffalo is under your bedroll?
Cub 2: The
ceiling of your tent is very close.
Cub 3: Did
you know buffaloes are originally from
Cub 4: You
mean like in the song " Oh where is the home for the buffaloes --
Cub 5: What
do you find between the hooves of buffaloes?
Cub 6: Slow
buffalo hunters.
Cub 7: What
do you get when you cross peanut butter with a buffalo?
Cub 8: You
either get peanut butter that roams the range or a buffalo that sticks to the
roof of your mouth.
Cub 9: How
can you tell a buffalo from a field mouse?
Cub 10: Try
to pick it up. If you can't, it's either a buffalo or a very overweight mouse.
Cub 11: How
can you tell a buffalo has been in the refrigerator?
Cub 12: His
hoof prints are in the jello.
Cub 13: How
can you tell when there are two buffaloes in your refrigerator?
Cub 14: You
can't shut the door.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
Cast:
Several Passengers, Bus Driver, "Stinky"
Setting: Bus
Bus driver
drives the bus along the route, and at each stop, more and more people get off
the bus, holding
their noses,
telling the driver to hurry up, pushing against each other, running off the
bus, until finally only Stinky
and the
Driver are left on the bus.
Driver:
(Talking to Stinky) Hey! All my passengers left. You know anything about it?
(Smells something
awful.) Hmm.
Something smells -- it must be you.
Did you wash
this morning?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Hmm.
Deodorant?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Hmm.
Clean shirt?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver:
Clean underwear?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver:
Change your socks?
Stinky:
Sure! Here are the old ones!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
The first
Scout comes out walking around, he suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the
ground. Two other
scouts come
in talking about just completing their first aid merit badge and find the scout
on the ground. They
rush to his
aid and begin C.P.R.. Adjust head, listen, feel for pulse and then begin (fake)
compressions. The
other scout
counts. After about 3 sets, the other scout yells "switch". Suddenly
the scout on the ground gets up,
one of the
two scouts lies down, and they begin again to administer C.P.R.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
A Scout
dressed in a turban enters the campfire circle. He places a blanket on the
ground, kneels and begins
to pry. He
prays by bowing down and with his arms out-stretched, he chant "Oh Allah,
bring me a camel." Repeat
a number of
times, and then he looks under the blanket. He shakes his head sadly and asks
for a volunteer to
help him.
The two kneel and pray to Allah for a camel. Again the first scout looks under
the blanket and finds
nothing. He
continues to recruit volunteers two or three at a time, each time praying for a
camel. (if the volunteers
are not
really helping then egg them on.) When there is no more room on the blanket for
volunteers the first scouts
stand and
says: "Allah hasn't sent me a camel, but he has sent me a lot of silly
jackasses!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
Props: A
large cooking pot and mugs for actors
1st Scout-
(Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips
for a drink) "This
camp coffee
is getting worse".
2nd Scout-
(Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips
for a drink) "This
camp tea is
getting worse".
3rd Scout-
(Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips
for a drink) "This
camp hot
chocolate is getting worse".
4th Scout-
(Walks up to pot, dips his hands in and takes out a pair of wet socks. As he
wrings them out he
says)
"I thought that would get them clean!"
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 21 through 40
Cast: 2
People, campfire blanket
Have one
person lie down on his back and the other kneel directly over him. The top
person wears the
campfire
blanket so as to hide his legs and expose the legs of the person lying down, to
create the effect of it
being one
person sitting down.
Person: Hi
there! Welcome to Don's House of Fine Exercises and Sports Medicine. Today I'm
going to ask
you about
your regular stretching routine. Can you do this? (Lifts up a leg so that it's
parallel with the chest.) Or
this? (Lifts
other leg.) And how about this? (Crosses the legs.) This is an unusual one. Can
you do it? (Brings
feet around
the neck.) And let's not forget this one. Can you do it? (Stretches out the
legs in spread eagle
fashion in
the air.) (Elicit a no answer from a volunteer.) Well, neither can I! (Stands
up.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 21 through 40
Ask for two
volunteers, who just stand there in the candy shop.
A customer
comes in and asks for chocolate covered cherries. Sorry, no chocolate covered
cherries. Peanut
brittle?
Sorry, just sold our last peanut brittle. Toffee. You must have toffee. Um,
well, not today. Licorice? Fresh
out of
licorice.
Well, what
do you have? "Well, all we've got are these two suckers."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
This one
can be really hammed up and included the kid walking up in a dance kind of way
and the old
storekeeper,
being old, very laboriously climbing up a ladder, getting the candy jar, coming
down, counting out the
candies,
and so on.
Cast: Old
storekeeper, very young kid (4 years old)
Setting: A
Candy Store
Kid: (Kid
walks up to storekeeper and asks) I want five of those Penney candies way up at
the top.
Storekeeper:
You mean those Penney candies, way, way, waaaaaayy up top?
Kid: Yes,
please.
Storekeeper:
Sigh! (Kid takes innocent pleasure in watching the storekeeper go up.)
Storekeeper
climbs up and get him five candies, and receives the five cents.
This scene
repeats itself several times over 3 more days, with the storekeeper being more
and more tired
each time
and becoming equally more frustrated until,
Storekeeper:
Oh! I see that kid coming. I know what he's coming to get, so I'll climb up now
to get the
candies
before he comes in and have it ready for him. (Kid walks in.) I bet I know what
you want. I bet you want
five of the
Penney candies from way up top, right?
Kid: Nope!
Not today!
Storekeeper:
Sigh! Now I have to climb back up to put them away. (He climbs up, puts them
away, then
comes down.)
Now, sonny, what would you like today?
Kid: I would
like three of those Penney candies way up at the top!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Version
1:
The leader
gives instructions for playing candy store. He asks that one person take a long
string and hold on
and then
adds others until there is a long line of people holding onto the string. Then
the leader explains that this
is a candy
store because there are some suckers hanging on the line.
Version
2:
A candy
store owner enters carrying a long pole. He asks two members of the audience to
hold the pole,
draping a
blanket or sheet over it, explaining that this is the candy store. One by one
customers come in asking
for
different types of candy, to each, the owner replies that he doesn't have any.
Finally, a customer asks what he
does have.
The owner states he doesn't have any candy left except for these two suckers on
a stick, pulling the
blanket away
at the same time.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Have the
boys march in, single file, with one boy leading them like a drill sergeant.
The sergeant tells them to
stop and
addresses them. He tells them he has some good news and some bad news. The good
news is that
they get a
change of underwear. The boys cheer and he cuts them off. The bad news is that
they have to change
underwear
with one another. The boys groan.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
You will
need: 5 Cub Scouts, props should include a lamppost, park bench, tree.
Scene: Park
area, Cub Scouts walk on one at a time. This is a pantomime skit and is great
to use with
younger Cub
Scouts and shy boys.
One CUB
walks on stage chewing imaginary gum (use exaggerated motions- chewing, blowing
bubbles,
pulling gum
out of mouth, putting it back in), leans against lamppost for a bit, takes gum
out of his mouth and
sticks it to
the lamppost. He then walks off stage. Second CUB comes on stage, leans against
lamppost, feels
gum stick,
pulls the gum off and sticks gum to bench. Second CUB exits. Third CUB enters
and sits on bench.
Notice gum,
pulls it off himself and throws it to the ground. Fourth CUB walks on stage,
steps in gum, removes
gum from
shoe and sticks it to tree. Exits. Fifth CUB enters, leans against tree and
finds gum. Removes gum
from tree
and sticks it on the lamppost. First CUB enters again. Walks up to lamppost,
finds gum and sticks it
back in his
mouth. Walks off stage chewing gum.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Performers
arrange themselves with their heads hanging upside down over the edge of a
table with a sheet or
other drape
covering their body with holes cut out exposing their mouth and chin. Place
sunglasses just below the
chin in
front of the neck for "eyes." The chin becomes the nose, the mouth is
the mouth - but upside down, so to
smile you
need to actually frown. The "chin face" makes a short silly speech or
sings a harmonious song. Several
"chin
faces" in a row can form a singing group or mime a recording. Variation:
Have the "chin face" be a chicken
instead of a
person.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Two Scouts
meet, and the first scout begins to brag he can climb anything.
Scout 1:
"Can you climb that tree?"
Scout 2
"Sure I've done it lots of times."
Scout 1
"Can you climb the steep hill over there?"
Scout 2
"No sweat, no problem for me."
Scout 1
"How about the
Scout 2
"Done it, Did it."
Scout 1
"How about Mount Everest?"
Scout 2
"Boy that was I cold day, I've done that too. I told you I am the world's
greatest climber, I can climb
anything!"
Scout 1
"I'll bet you ten bucks I can show you something that you can't
climb."
Scout 2
"Your on!"
Scout 1
pulls out a flashlight and shine the beam up into the sky "all right climb
that!"
Scout 2
"Are you crazy?
Scout 1
"I knew you would back out, now pay up!"
Scout 2
"I won't pay because its not fair. I know you, I'd start climbing and I'd
get half way and you'd turn the
flashlight
off!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Props: A
good compass and a map
Announcer:
In this scene, we see a Scoutmaster teaching a Patrol about maps and compass.
Scoutmaster:
Now fellows, if you take a bearing from the map this way you can now stand up
and, keeping
the compass
away from your belt buckle, walk along the bearing until you reach your destination.
John, you try
that.
John : (Does
as instructed, exits, re-enters)
Scoutmaster:
(Standing) In the same way you can take a bearing on a distant object, and use
that to find
where you
are on the map. Now, each of you take a bearing on that big tree on the hill
top.
Other boys :
(Do as instructed, passing compass around, making suitable comments.)
Scoutmaster:
(After a few moments) All right, let's all gather around. That wraps up
tonight's compass
lesson.
There is just one more important point ! Never, never buy a TATES compass.
Tom :
Scouter, why should we never buy a TATES compass ?
Scoutmaster:
You know the old saying: "He who has a TATES is lost!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Cast: Monk,
Abbot, narrator
Scene:
Abbot's office
Narrator:
This skit is about the monks in a monastery who are only allowed to speak two
words every ten
years. Our
friendly monk is about to come in and say his two words, after ten long years
of silence.
Abbot:
(Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: Bad
food!
Narrator:
Well, ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come
again to say his two
words. He of
course is not quite as young as he used to be, and walks a touch more slowly.
Abbot:
(Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk:
Uncomfortable bed!
Narrator:
Well, yet another ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's
time has come again to
say his two
words. He is really old at this point, having been at the monastery for thirty,
long, devoted years.
Abbot:
(Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: I
quit!
Abbot: I'm
not surprised! You've been here for thirty years and all you've done is
complain!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
The scene
takes place in the waiting room of a doctor of contagious and communicable
diseases, Dr.
Ringworm,
M.D., L.S.D., V.I.P., L.C.B. Have four chairs and a stand for magazines or
books. In walks a fellow (a)
with an itch
which he scratches periodically in different places. He grabs a magazine and
attempts to read but is
disturbs
periodically by his itch. After a while , a second fellow (B) comes in with a
serious hand twitch. B sits next
to A. B
gradually starts to scratch with the itch, while A's hand starts to twitch.
When it has been well established
that they
have contracted each others' disease, a third person enters with a serious leg
twitch. Pretty soon all
three have
the hand twitch, leg twitch, and itch all over. a fourth guy comes in bouncing
all over the place and
shaking
every muscle in his body. The actions of the four guys become more frantic and
are bouncing around in
their
chairs. Then a boy dressed like a pregnant lady strolls in casually and the
other four scramble for their lives.
If possible
or desired have some jazz music playing in the background for the scouts with
the diseases to keep the
beat to.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Second
person walks in with a suitcase. First person already on stage asks where he is
going and the first
person's
reply is that he is going to court. A little while later he comes in with the
case and also a ladder. This
time he says
that he taking his case to a higher court.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Guy brought
in - "I'm Innocent! I was just picking up pebbles on the beach!" Two
or more with similar stories.
Last person
comes on stage either dressed like a guy dressed like a girl or a girl, saying,
"Hi, I'm Pebbles", in an
alluring
manner.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
53. Crazy Charlie
The scene is
set up so that Crazy Charlie is portrayed as being in a mental institution.
It's dinner time and
before he
can ask for anyone to pass the meat, someone calls out 37 and the room bursts
into laughter. Moments
later 57 is
called out and more laughter results. Crazy Charlie asks the guy next to him
what is going on. He is
told that
everyone knows each others jokes so well that they have numbered the jokes.
After a
while Charlie decides to give it a trial and call 52, but no one laughs; there
is complete silence. Charlie
asks his
friend what is wrong. He friend tells him not to worry that there isn't
anything wrong, some people can tell
jokes and
some people can't.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Characters:
Several Cubs around fake campfire pretending to cook hot dogs on sticks. Two
Cubs dressed as
mosquitoes--antennae,
wings etc.
Setting:
Boys around fire keep slapping as if they are being attacked by mosquitoes
throughout the skit. As
the scene
opens, the two mosquitoes enter the stage and continue walking randomly around
the boys as they
deliver
their lines.
Mosquito #1:
Hey, I got a good one! Which sport do we mosquitoes like best?
Mosquito #2:
Easy! Skin diving. Say, did you hear what the Cub Scout said to the mosquito.
Mosquito #1:
No, what?
Mosquito #2:
Don't bug me!
Mosquito #1:
Are you related to any of the bugs around here?
Mosquito #2:
Sure. My ant.
Mosquito #1:
Did you hear what the mother grasshopper said to her children?
Mosquito #2:
No -- tell me.
Mosquito #1:
Hop to it!
Cub #1:
These mosquitoes are awful! Lucky I brought the insect repellent. (Pretends to
spray air.)
(Mosquitoes
exit quickly -- choking and gagging.)
Cub #2: (To
cub #1) Say, what has 18 feet, red eyes, and long claws.
Cub #1: I
don't know.
Cub #2:
Neither do I, but it's crawling up your neck.
(All boys
run screaming from stage.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Characters:
TV reporter, 4 Cub athletes getting ready for the Cub Olympics.
Props:
Frisbee for discuss, pile for javelin, bag of cookies, toothbrush and basin of
water on stand, fake mike
for reporter
(can be dressed in suit jacket and have ID for his station on his lapel in
large letters)
TV reporter:
We're here today to interview the athletes at Pack _____ as they prepare for
the challenge of this
years Cub
Olympics. As you can imagine, it takes months of training and hard work to get
these athletes ready to
compete.
Let's see how they are preparing themselves for the big competition. (turns to
Cub #1 with microphone)
Tell me, how
are you getting ready for your event in the Olympics?
Cub #1: I'm
practicing my throw for the discus event. (demonstrates how to throw discus
using Frisbee)
TV reporter:
Great form! (turns to Cub #2) and you -- can you tell us how you are preparing
to compete?
Cub #2: I'm
polishing my javelin for the javelin throw (polishes pole with a rag.)
TV reporter:
Good luck! (turns to Cub #3) What are you doing today?
Cub #3: I'm
practicing for the standing broad jump. (does a couple of practice jumps)
TV reporter:
Fine! (turns to Cub #4) And what are you doing to train for the Olympics?
Cub #4: I'm
brushing my teeth! (uses basin of water and toothbrush --pretends to brush
teeth)
TV reporter:
Brushing your teeth! What Olympic event could you possibly be training for?
Cub #4: I'm
training for the International Olympic Cookie - Eating event! (pulls out bag of
cookies and stuffs
some in his
mouth.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Characters:
Den leader, 3 Cub Scouts
Props: A
pile of socks on a table. Den leader sits behind table.
Den leader:
Boys, I'm pleased to announce that our new Cub Scout socks have arrived! Please
step up for
your supply
of clean socks.
Cub #1: I
need four pair.
Den leader:
What do you need 4 pair for?
Cub #1: I
need them for Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday.
Den leader:
O.K. Here are your socks. Next please.
Cub #2: I
need seven pair.
Den leader:
What do you need seven pair for?
Cub #2: For
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
Den leader:
O.K. here are your socks.
Cub #3: I
need 12 pairs.
Den leader:
Wow, you must really be a clean guy! So why do you need 12
pair?
Cub #3:
Well, there's January, February, March, April...etc.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Cast: 4
Shoppers, Storekeeper, Kid (in underwear, or nightgown), full uniform
Setting:
Store
#1: I'd like
to buy the Cub Shirt.
Storekeeper:
Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the
background --
"No,
you can't have it!") (Comes back with a shirt.)
#2: I'd like
to buy the accessories to the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper:
Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the
background --
"No,
you can't have them!") (Comes back with accessories.)
#3: I'd like
to buy the pants to go with the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper:
Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the
background --
"No,
you can't have them!") (Comes back with pants.)
#4: I'd like
to buy the right kind of shoes for the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper:
Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the
background --
"No,
you can't have them!") (Comes back with shoes.)
Kid: (Comes
running out in underwear/swim suit) How am I supposed to go to Cubs without my
uniform?
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
58. Damn! (or should I say Darn?)
Cast:
Director, 2 Workers, Cameraman, Clapperman, Light Man, Soap
Setting: On
the Setting of a Movie
Director:
Okay, people! Remember what I said about the language! Action!
Clapperman:
Scene 5, Take 1!
Worker 1:
(Eating lunch with #2) You know, Gerry, the wife is always nagging me for some
more money.
And I just
don't have it.
Gerry: I
know what you mean. The (DARN) kids are always ...
Director:
Cut! What did I say about the language? You know the rules ... soap in the
mouth. (Pantomime
director
washing out Gerry's mouth with soap.) Okay, let's try that one again. And watch
the language!
Continues
the same way, but each time something happens where a different person says
"Darn" --
clapperman
gets fingers caught in clapper (don't do the whole scene over again, of
course,) cameraman trips
while
filming, light person drops light, #1 says "the darn wife ..."
Finally, the director is about to start the scene
again when
he looks at his watch.
Director: Oh
darn. Look at the time ...
Cast &
Crew: Cut! You know the rules ... (Pantomime washing out mouth with soap)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Paint faces
on the knees of the performers. Use dresses (or pants and shirt) to dress the
legs as dolls with
the arms
bulging out. The clothes can be made out of crepe paper, cloth, or real
clothing. Cover the upper legs
and body
with a sheet. Direct a flashlight (spot) onto each knee.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Cast: 2
guys, 2 bikers
Setting:
Campground
#1: Well,
time to go to bed. AND I GET THE TENT! (Beats up little guy.)
#2: But...
Oh well, it's no use. (He sets up his sleeping bag under the stars.)
Bikers:
(Make motorcycle noises & come in.) Ha! Ha! Let's beat up this guy! (They
beat up little guy.)
Next
morning,
#2: Hey! Last
night some bikers came here and beat me up!
#1: You're
just jealous that I took the tent. Be a man.
The next
night and morning, the same routine occurs, with the little guy complaining
even more. Finally, the
big guy lets
the little guy have the tent, with much ado about him being a wimp. That night,
Bikers:
(Make motorcycle noises & come in.) You know, I think we've beat up on the
guy outside enough the
past two
nights. Let's beat up the guy inside the tent tonight!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 41 through 60
Number of
Participants: 2
Scene: One
person lying on the ground, dead. Another sees him and runs for the telephone
and, panicking,
gasps:
"Police, there's a dead person here... Where ? .... Uh, (looking for a
sign), "I'm at
Elm !"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
Characters:
Six Cub Scouts in summer uniform or Cub Scout T-shirts.
Scene: A
nature walk.
Props: Cub -
fashioned bouquet, with strands of ivy.
Cub 1: Gee,
Fellas. I don't think Mrs. Brown's having a very good time.
Cub 2: Well,
you didn't help things much, giving her that garter snake.
Cub 3: I was
just trying to help her collect stuff for our nature display at pack meeting.
Cub 4:
Yeah...and you heard what she said! "Nothin' ever again, that moves by
itself."
Cub 3:
So...now I know better!
Cub 5: Don't
worry about a thing, you guys. I'm gonna fix everything.
Cub 6: Yeah?
How?
Cub 5: Well,
you know how nutty women are about flowers? So, I picked her this neat bunch of
flowers...(he
holds up
bouquet, with trailing strands of ivy)... See?
Cub 6: Oh
no... (wails). We'll never get to go on another hike!
Cub 5: How
come?
Cub 6: Cause...that's
poison ivy!!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
Cast:
Weakling, three or four Thugs, Old Lady, Director, Cameraman
Setting:
Street Corner Set in a Studio
Weakling: Hi
there. I'm advertising the great effects this wonderful vegetable cocktail,
V-8, has on your
stamina.
You, Sir. (To a tough looking thug.) Did you have your V-8 today?
Thug: Duh,
no. Real men don't drink V-8.
Weakling:
Sure they do. Watch! (He beats up thug.) See? I had my V-8 today!
You Sir! Did
you have your V-8 today?
Thug 2: (Has
crowbar) No, I don't need it!
Weakling:
Sure you do. (He beats up thug.) You can tell I do! And you Sir! Did you have
your V-8 today?
Thug 3: Ask
me again and I'll beat you up.
Weakling:
Heh, heh. Did you have your V-8 today? (Thug tries to beat him up, but weakling
takes care of
him no
problem.) So you see, having your V-8 is great for you.
An old lady
walks in; weakling looks puzzled, whispers to director saying he hadn't heard
about an old lady in
the script;
director says to go on and ask her anyway.
Weakling:
Excuse me, Ma'am. Did you have your V-8 today?
Old lady: As
a matter of fact, young man, I did -- and I'll prove it! (She beats him up.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
Characters:
two customers, waiter. Let actors develop actions and dialogue from the
situation
Props: table
with tablecloth, candles, menus, etc. Most important - a storybook
Two
customers enter a fancy seafood restaurant, study the menus, etc. Waiter
arrives to take orders
One customer
orders shrimp, the second says, "I'd like a lobster tail, please."
Waiter says
appropriate things, goes away, returns with a storybook, sits down near
customer two but face
audience and
begins to read; "Once upon a time, there was a little lobster...."
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 61 through 80
The secret
to success with this series of quickies is to keep them moving along. You can
have one doctor and
different
patients, but it may add greater rush and flurry if a different doctor and
patient fly in and out for each
quickie.
Pat: Doctor!
Doctor! I feel like a set of drapes.
Doc: Pull
yourself together!
Pat: Doctor!
Doctor! Am I going to die?
Doc: That's
the last thing you'll do.
Pat: Doctor!
Doctor! Everyone keeps ignoring me.
Doc: Next!
Pat: Doctor!
Doctor! My back feels like a deck of cards!
Doc: I'll
deal with you later.
Pat: Doctor!
Doctor! What's wrong with me?
Doc: Have
you had this before?
Pat: Yes.
Doc: Well,
you've got it again!
Doc: You'll
live to be 80.
Pat: I am
80.
Doc: See!
Pat: Doctor!
Doctor! I've got insomnia.
Doc: Don't
lose any sleep over it!
Pat: Doctor!
Doctor! My friend's doctor told him he had appendicitis and, two weeks later,
my friend died of
heart
failure.
Doc: Don't
worry. If I tell you you've got appendicitis, you'll die from appendicitis!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
First
patient comes in hiccupping and asks to see the doctor. The second patient
comes in cross-eyed, with a
silly look
on his face. The third person can't control his muscles and is all jittery.
They are all asked to sit down.
The first
person is asked to go in. There is a real commotion and the patient comes out
fine. The same thing
happens to
the second and third patients. The nurse tells the doctor it is time to go
home. The doctor emerges
with the
symptoms of all his patients and goes offstage.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
A person
comes to a psychologist and says that he needs help, he thinks that he is a
dog, holding up his
hands like a
dog begging. Through out the skit the person acting like a dog, does dog-like
things, like scratching
behind his
ear, whining, etc. Doctor asks how long he has had this problem. Ever since he
was a puppy is the
reply. The
doctor asks if he will lie on the couch but the person says that he can't since
he can't get on the
furniture.
Doctor's advice is to make sure that he gets all his shots and don't go chasing
any cars.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
Cast: Two
friends, doggie doo
Setting:
Street
Two friends
are walking along the street, perhaps having a conversation about something,
talking about a
movie or the
latest hockey scores, when all of a sudden --
John: Hey
Frank! Watch out! That may be doggie doo! Smell it to see if it smells like
doggie doo!
Frank:
(Smells it) Yep! Smells like doggie doo!
John: Touch
it to see if it feels like doggie doo!
Frank:
(Touches it) Yep! Feels like doggie doo!
John: Taste
it to see if it tastes like doggie doo!
Frank:
(Tastes it) Yep! Tastes like doggie doo!
John: Well!
It's a good thing we checked and didn't walk in it!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
Cast:
Director, Others in a Studio (Clapper Board, Lighting Men), Mother, Son,
Doctor, Undertaker, brooms
for the
actors
Director:
Lights, Camera, Action!
Clapper:
Scene one, Take one!
The actors
play the scene without the least sign of emotion as lighting people follow and
cameraman films.
Mother is
flipping pancakes at the stove when son walks in.
Son: Mom, I
don't feel too well. (He collapses)
Mom: (Goes
over, looks at son.) Oh, I'd better call the doctor. (Moves to the phone, dials
making click, click,
click
sounds.) Doctor, come quick. My son's collapsed.
Doctor:
(Enters, checks pulse and breathing.) He's dead. I'd better call the
undertaker. (Goes to phone,
dials making
dialing sounds like Mom did.)
Undertaker,
you'd better come. I have a dead body here.
Undertaker:
(Enters and begins to measure the body.)
Director:
(Jumps up.) Cut! Cut! That was terrible. You had no emotion AT
ALL! Let's
do it again. This time, give me more emotion!
Cast:
(Exiting) Right. More emotion.
Director:
Lights, Camera, Action!
Clapper:
Scene one, Take Two!
The actors
redo the scene, using exactly the same words, but with great hammy histrionics.
Mom weeps
uncontrollably
throughout, son dies very dramatically, etc. At the same point as in Take One,
the Director yells,
"Cut!
Cut!"
Director:
That was better, but too fast. Let's try again. This time, slow it down.
Lights, Camera, Action!
Clapper:
Scene on, Take three!
The actors
redo the scene in slow motion -- talking slowly, mowing slowly. For example,
when the telephone
is dialed it
goes click ... click ... click ... and after the doctor check's the son's
pulse, the son's hand falls slowly
back to the
floor, etc. The Director yells "Cut!" in the usual place.
Director:
That was far too slow! Let's speed it up!
This time
the actors do the scene so quickly that the son throws himself to the ground,
the doctor is there
before Mom
can hang up, and so on.
Director:
(At the same place) Cut! That was absolutely terrible! Actors? Do you call
yourselves actors!!??
Cast:
Actors? Who said anything about actors? We're the cleaners! (All pickup brooms
and exit.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
The Easter
Bunny is out delivering his eggs and the police arrest him for breaking and
entering a house. The
police don't
believe that he is the Easter Bunny, but finally decide to believe him and let
him go. He decides to
finish
delivering and tries to enter another house where an old lady or man accuses
him of stealing. The Bunny
says,
"Oh no, not again!" and is run off the stage by the old lady swinging
a stick or umbrella.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
The club
leader announces during the singing that he has noticed an echo in the room and
he is going to try it
out (also
could be on a hike overlooking a canyon). The following is a dialogue between
the leader and the echo -
a person out
of the room or out of sight.
Leader:
Hello
Echo: Hello
Leader:
Cheese
Echo: Cheese
Leader:
Echo:
(silence)
Leader: (to
group) It must not be working now. I'll try again. (to echo) This leader is
great.
Echo:
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 61 through 80
A Scout
enters the campfire area, walks around and collapses to the ground. He lays
there seriously ill and
dying. Soon
another scout enters and finds the ill scout. He screams out: "There is
someone lying here!" then
the echo
effect from outside of the campfire area. Soon the scout calls out, "I
think he is ill!", echo effect. He
continues,
"I think he is very ill!" echo again. The Scout beginning to panic
screams out "He is dying" with the
echoes
responding. Finally the scout calls out "He is Dead!". But this time
the echoes respond in unison, "Its
about
time!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
Cast: Guide,
Tourists, Echo hidden in the bushes
Setting: A
Tour of the Countryside
You might
want to lengthen it a bit at first, to tell a more complete story, but for the
sake of brevity, you might
not.
Guide: (To
tourist group) And this over here is the famous site where John Smith first
discovered gold. Now
if you'll
follow me, we'll be going to Echo Point next. (Walks around a bit with group.)
Here it is. What makes
Echo Point
so special is that whenever you call out the name of a food, it will echo three
times. Listen. Yogurt!
(Echo:
"Yogurt! Yogurt! Yogurt!") See? Now, would anybody else like to try?
Tourist #1:
I would. Banana! (Echo: "Banana! Banana! Banana!")
Tourist #2:
Salad! (Echo: "Salad! Salad! Salad!") Hey! Neato!
Tourist #3:
I want to try. Baloney! (Echo: "Baloney! Baloney!" -- ONLY TWICE!)
Guide:
(After a pause,) That's strange -- it's never repeated a food only twice. Maybe
we should wait a
moment more.
(Pause -- nothing happens.) I'm so embarrassed. Well, I guess we should go back
to the base,
where the
food is so good!
Echo:
Baloney!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
A boy enters
chewing gum, acting like a business man, with a briefcase etc. Walks up and
enters a elevator,
sticks gum
on the wall. A kid listening to rock & roll on his portable stereo, dances
into the elevator, leans on wall,
hands sticks
to gum. Tries hard to pull hand off the wall. The kid looks at the gum,
stretches it, picks his nose,
sneezes, etc.;
all getting on the gum. Throws the gum at the back of the elevator where it
sticks. Dumb, spacey,
jock
stereotype enter the elevator, leans on the back wall and the gum gets stuck to
the following places: first
head and
elevator, then head and hand, both hands, foot and both hands, both feet and
hands, hands, knees, and
hand to
face. He finally gets free and sticks gum back on side wall. Businessman enters
the elevator after the
Jock leaves,
see gum and decides to chew it again, then leaves.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
The scene
opens with an elevator operator intoning "Ground Floor". A passenger
gets on and begins to jiggle
slightly.
The elevator operator intones each floor with a description of what's on that
floor. A passenger gets on at
each floor
and begins to jiggle as well. As the elevator gets higher the passengers begin
to jiggle more. When the
top floor is
reached the passengers begin to jiggle like mad, the operator intones bathrooms
and they all rush
quickly off.
The operator suddenly looks funny, begins to jiggle, shouts "ME TOO!"
and runs off the stage.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
The scene is
an emergency room at a hospital. The Doctor is totally self absorbed, combing
hair, looking in
mirror etc.
A guy runs in, a hiker with a branch stuck in his stomach. He is screaming in
agony. the Doctor insists
that he must
ask him some questions before anything can be done. The patient screams that he
is losing blood.
The doctor
continues asking questions such as where he lives, past illnesses, type of
house, how he got there etc.
A phone
rings and the Doctor is invited out to lunch. The Doctor runs off leaving the
wounded man writhing on the
floor. A
stupid looking janitor with a broom wanders by and pulls the branch out. The
patient stands up, says
thanks and
leaves.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
Preparation:
Decide which objects will be enlarged, and collect both large and small
versions. For example:
A dime
becomes a quarter.
A string
becomes a coil of rope.
A newspaper
page becomes the Sunday paper.
Set up a
sheet as a backdrop, and hide a Scout behind it with the large objects and a
bucket of water. The
Professor
will be in front of the sheet with the small objects. If it is dark, you will
need a spotlight on the action.
The
Skit
The
Professor walks out and announces that he has developed a wonderful Enlarging
Machine that will make
anything -
anything - bigger. As the Scout behind the machine makes 'machine' noises, he
explains that the
machine is
operated simply by tossing an object over the sheet. The machine will then
return the object in a much
larger form.
The Professor
will demonstrate his fantastic invention, but he needs volunteers to help. One
by one, the
volunteers
come forward. The Professor hands them an object which they throw over the
sheet. The machine
then makes
noises, and the larger object is tossed back. Each time, the Professor exclaims
about the value and
capability
of the machine.
The last
volunteer is the Scapegoat, who is volunteered by the Professor and the crowd.
The Professor takes
the
Scapegoat by the arm and leads him toward the audience and away from the sheet.
In tones of great secrecy,
the
Professor encourages him to have some fun with the machine and spit over the
sheet. They return to the
sheet, and
the Scapegoat spits. He is instantly drenched by a bucket of water.
Variation
The
Professor can talk out loud about an object, but actually hand the Scapegoat a
cup of water. By his
actions, he
implies that he and the Scapegoat are going to surprise the Scout behind the
machine. This can have
several
outcomes; the Scout can be surprised; the Scapegoat can get wet anyway; or the
Professor can get wet,
to his
surprise.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
Scene: Group
of Cub Scouts around a table.
Props:
Cub 1: Isn't
it great our leader is letting us make a pie for our den meeting treat?
Cub 2: Sure
is. I don't know what kind of pie it is, but here are the directions.
Cub 3: Let's
see, first you put in these walrus eyes.
Cub 4:
Walrus eyes? Are you sure?
Cub 3: Says
so right here. (Puts ping pong balls in pan.)
Cub 5: OK,
next put in a pound of blubber.
Cub 4: A
pound of blubber? Are you sure?
Cub 5:
That's what it says in the recipe. (Puts in white sponges.)
Cub 6: The
next thing to add are two dozen polar bear teeth.
Cub 4: I
don't believe that. Why would you put teeth in a pie?
Cub 3: Hey,
you have to have teeth to eat a pie!
Cub 4: Oh
yeah, go ahead.
Cub 6: Here
go the teeth. (Puts in golf tees.)
Cub 1: Now
we let it freeze for one hour. (Put lid on pan.)
Cub 2: (Hold
up sign that says "one hour later".)
Cub 1: Let's
see what we've got. (Uncovers pot.)
All: (Look
into pan and exclaim.) Eskimo pies!!!! (Pull out ice cream bars, open and eat.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
"I'm a
reporter. I have been for 12 years. And in all that time, I've never had a real
scoop. Never. I'm a
failure.
I've done this long enough, so now I'm going to jump off this bridge and kill
myself. One, two, ..."
"Wait!
Wait! Why are you jumping?"
"I'm a
failed reporter. I've never had a real scoop."
"Oh.
You think you have it bad, I'm a truck driver, and I've got hemorrhoids. I
think I'll join you."
"One, two,
..."
"Wait!
What are you all doing?" "We're committing suicide." "Oh,
I'm a grade school teacher. I just realized
that I can't
stand whiney little kids. I think I'll join you."
"One,
two, ..."
"Wait!
What are you doing?" "We're committing suicide." "Well I'm
a florist, and I've got hay fever." sneeze! "I
think I'll
join you."
"One,
two, ..."
"Wait!
What are you doing?" "We're committing suicide." "I'm a
dentist, hic and I've had the hiccups for the last
hic five
years. Would you like a tooth removed hic?" He holds one of those pointy
dentist things, and each time he
hicks his
hands jerk around "No!" "Then I think I'll hic join you."
"One!
Two! Three!!!" They all jump, except for the reporter.
"Four
people jump to their grisly deaths! What a scoop!" He runs offstage,
scribbling furiously on his notepad.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
You need two
players and a behind-scenes person to move the fire (an artificial campfire
with invisible strings
attached).
The players
sit by the fire, reading, doing a puzzle, etc. The fire moves slightly. They
don't notice. It moves
again; they
don't notice. This continues until, finally, the fire is pulled off stage. At
that point, one of the players
looks at the
other and says, "Looks like the fire's gone out again!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 61 through 80
When we
entered the campfire theater the first four scouts walked in with large cans
filled only with torn up
news paper.
The Staff immediately noticed and gave us their attention. One or two came over
to see what was
up. We let
them examine the cans and they found only paper. As everyone was seated, the
leaders delivered
additional
cans, these had water balloons covered with paper. I even threw some paper in
the air as we delivered
the cans.
During the other skits, I sat down with staff carrying a dummy can and left it
there. Now for the skit:
Have four
volunteers stand across from each other with arms on shoulders making a square.
The Next four
volunteers
bend over with their rears pushed out and their arms around the waist of the
four who are standing.
The Next
four get behind the knees of the four bent over, on all fours. The announcer
continues to talk about fire
lays and the
importance of building a great fire lay. Ham this up and joke about the funny
logs the scouts have
brought for
the fire lay. With everything in place, the announcer reminds all of fire
safety and that you must always
put out the
fire when you are finished. ( at this point the senior staff member was heard
assuring the others, no
fear, its
only paper) The Staff was then properly "put out"! It was a great
sales job, and worked so well.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Version
1:
A firing
squad lines up with a prisoner. The leader of the firing squad calls out
"Ready ... Aim ..." The prisoner
shouts,
"Tornado!" The soldiers all run for cover and the prisoner escapes. A
Second prisoner is brought out, the
leader calls
out "Ready ... Aim ..>" and the prisoner shouts,
"Landslide!", the firing squad runs for cover and the
prisoner
escapes again. Repeat this for other natural disasters. The last prisoner is
brought out and having seen
the other
prisoners escape decides to do the same thing except he yells "Fire"
and the firing squad does.
Version
2:
Cast: Rifle
squad, Commander, Person to be executed
Setting:
Jail
Person about
to executed is standing at pole, doing a crossword puzzle.
Commander:
Ready, aim ... What are you doing?
Person: The
crossword puzzle from today's New York Times. A real tough one.
Commander:
Did you know I'm about to have you executed?
Person:
Sure. Here ... a four letter word meaning burning ... Hmm ... Do you have any
idea?
Commander:
Four letters -- burning -- (takes puzzle, walks in front of pole, person sneaks
away) -- F-I-R-E !
FIRE! It
fits!
Firing squad
shoots and he buckles over with one of those knowing looks on his face.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Two people,
one a fisherman and the other a fish market manager come on stage and hold a
long cord
between
them. The fish market man attempts to call the fisherman on the telephone to
see if he has any fish
today, the
fisherman acts as if he can't hear him. Volunteers are brought out of the
audience and hold the cord
between the
fish market man and the fisherman one or two at a time with the market man
attempting to call each
time. When
several people are holding the line, the market man is able to communicate with
the fisherman. The
fisherman
says that he doesn't have any trout but he does have a lot of suckers hanging
on a line showing the line
the
volunteers are holding up.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Center stage
is a lad fishing from a billy can or bucket, he keeps pulling the rod as though
he has something
on the line.
A passer by looks at him as he walks by and then walks on, after a few steps
the passer by comes
back to the
lad.
Passerby:
"What are you doing there then?"
Fisher:
"I'm fishing, what does it look as though I'm doing?"
Passerby:
"Fishing eh!, what are you fishing for."
Fisher:
"I'm fishing for suckers."
Passerby:
"Have you caught any?"
Fisher:
"Yes you're the third today"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
(The scene
opens with the two players rowing an imaginary boat.)
Andrew:
Whew! It sure is a long way out here.
Robert: Yep.
(puts hand to eyes) I can't see the shore anymore. Ready to start fishing ?
Andrew: I
think so. Looks like a good spot to me.
(Both ready
imaginary rods, reels, hooks, worms, etc., and start fishing. Immediately they
both start to catch
fish, recast
and catch more. Continue for several casts.)
Andrew: I
told you this would be a good spot.
Robert: Sure
is, the boat's full. Guess we have our limit.. Better get back.
Andrew: O.K.
(gets oars ready)
Robert: Did
you use a map to get here ?
Andrew:
Nope.
Robert: How
are we ever gonna find our way back tomorrow ?
Andrew: Oh,
that's easy. I'll just mark the spot with a big X right here on the side of the
boat ! (makes mark -
both row
away quickly)
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Three guys
are sitting on a park bench. Goober is quietly reading, Gomer is pretending to
swim in a lake
(jumps off
bench and swims around). Gopher is pretending to be fishing, reeling fish after
fish. Policeman comes
in and
watches them. Policeman asks Goober if he knows the other two men. Goober says
they are his friends.
The
policeman thinks Goober ought to take care of his friends. Goober says okay and
asks the others to climb into
his boat.
The policeman ask Goober what he is doing: Goober says: "Somebody has to
row the boat" pretends
to row off
stage (the policeman staring after them, shaking his head in disbelief).
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Five or six
fishermen sit on the end of the dock (chairs), casting and winding in their
lines. One fisherman is
catching all
the fish: the others have no luck. In turn, the unlucky ones ask the successful
fisherman why he's
doing so
well. Each time, he mumbles a reply without opening his mouth, and nobody can
tell what he is saying.
The other
fisherman get more irritated. After each question, the fisherman catches
another fish, bigger than the
last. (ham
this up) The other gripe and protest. When the last person asks the question,
the successful
fisherman
sighs, spits into his hand, and says, "You have to keep the worms
warm."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Cast: 4 to 8
Cub Scouts.
Props:
Fishing gear, a small row boat or cardboard silhouette of a boat, and a sign
that says "boat dock".
Setting: The
scene starts with the boat about 10 feet away from the boat dock. The Cub
Scouts and their
Den Chief
are on their way to go fishing. The first Cub stops at the dock then walks out
across the water and gets
in the boat.
Boy 2: Hey
wait for me! (he walks out to the boat)
Den Chief:
Oh well... (steps into the water and pretends to fall in and drags himself back
to shore)
Boy 3: Hey
wait up. Here I come (walks out to the boat)
The Den
Chief tries and fails again. The sequence continues until all the boys are in
the boat and only the
Den Chief
remains on shore. Finally, one of the Cub Scouts says: "Should we tell him
where the rocks are?"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
One member
seems to be wearing nothing but an overcoat in front of the campfire. As each
scout approached
him, he
would (with his back turned to the audience) flash the "innocent"
bystander. Each time that he flashed, the
person would
either be frightened off or else roll down a hill in uncontrolled hysterics.
After his third victim he
turned to
the crowd and asked "Hey what's the deal?" Revealing that he was
wearing shorts with a letter-sized
photocopy of
the face of the leader, camp director or the like. Once again showing that it's
not always so hot to be
popular
Return to Table of
Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Boys
standing in a line, first boy scratches, then second on down the line, last boy
feels it and says "Oh there
you are
Marvin, I've been looking all over for you. You've got to stop hopping around,
Marvin (boy acts as though
Marvin has
hopped away) you come back here. (goes out into the audience looking and
touching people) There
you are
Marvin, you've got to stay here (looks at pretend speck) Hey you aren't Marvin,
(puts it back into the
audience) Oh
Marvin where are you?
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Characters:
Ringmaster, Cub Scouts in Uniform (any number).
RINGMASTER:
Ladies and Gentlemen, we are proud to introduce the Den _____ Flea Circus. We
will now
present
Hugo, who will walk the tightrope. When he reaches the center, he will turn a
double somersault. May we
have
silence, please?
[Two Cubs
stretch a string. Third Cub places "flea" on the string. Cubs follow
movement of flea with
exaggerated
head movements, as it walks to the center of the string, and turns the
somersault. One boy with his
mouth open
gets too close to the string and gulps as if he had swallowed a
"flea".)
FIRST CUB:
[Puts hand over mouth, gulps loudly.] I swallowed Hugo! [Begins to cry and
leaves stage.]
RINGMASTER:
Err...uh...well... On with the show. Our next act is about to begin. Homer will
jump from this
boy's hand
into a dish of water. Keep in mind the size of this tiny fellow.
[Boy makes
motion of tossing "flea" into dish, then retrieves him in hand.]
RINGMASTER:
Well done, Homer. Give the little guy a big hand.
[Boy claps
quickly, forgetting Homer...looks shocked, and slowly parts hands, sobs and
runs off stage.
RINGMASTER:
Too bad. But we must compose ourselves. Our next fabulous act features Hector,
the
weight
lifting Flea. Hector is the strongest flea in the world. That rock may not seem
large to you, but think of how
small Hector
is... compare his size to the size of this rock.
[Boy puts
Hector on table, proudly points to him, flexes muscles, and points to Hector
again.]
RINGMASTER:
[To boy] Hold up that rock so the audience can get a better look at it.
[Boy holds
up rock in one hand for audience to see... then plops rock back down on table
without looking.
Looks around
for Hector, picks up rock and finds smashed Hector.]
BOY: Hector!
Hector! [Sobs, hangs head, and leaves stage.]
RINGMASTER:
We seem to be having a bit of hard luck. But the show must go on. I now
introduce Harry,
the
bare-back riding flea.
[Boy removes
shirt, then pretends to place "flea" on his bare back, then runs off
stage yelling.]
BOY: Hang
on, Harry! [Looks over shoulder while running offstage.]
RINGMASTER:
[Relieved.] He made it! And now Hiram and Hillary will perform their world
famous trapeze
act. Hillary
will make a triple somersault and Hiram will catch her.
[Boys hold
up trapeze made of soda straws with a string through them. Two boys each hold
one. Third boy
places
"flea" on trapeze and begin to swing it.]
RINGMASTER:
There they go! Watch them swing! Hillary lets go, she's turning a somersault.
One, two,
three, and
Hiram catch.. er.. misses her!
[Boys begin
looking for Hillary on the floor.]
BOY: There
she is! Points to floor near second boy.]
SECOND BOY:
Where? [Takes a step where other boy pointed.]
BOY: You
just stepped on her! Oh well, she needed more practice, anyway. Say, [to
Ringmaster] we have
another flea
act for you. He's a man eating flea! [Opens box] Oops, he got away!
[Ringmaster
begins to scratch frantically, yells help several times, and runs off stage.
(Preferably into
audience. ;)
)
BOYS:
[Chasing him] Hey! Bring back our flea! We want our flea!
[Curtain]
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Cast:
Performer
The
performer is putting his trained flea Flora through all her tricks, explaining
all her tricks as she does them.
His eyes
follow every flip, jump, etc. as she performs and lands back in his hand. The
he asks her to jump to the
ceiling. His
eyes lose her and she doesn't return. He looks high and low (perhaps with the
help of a friend) but
can't find
her. Finally he looks in someone's hair.
Performer:
(Delighted) Flora! There you are! I'm so glad to have you back. (looks more
closely.) But say ...
this isn't
Flora!
Alternate
Ending ... when Flora has done all her tricks,
Performer:
Let's hear a big round of applause for Flora! (Begins to clap, then stops,
horrified, realizing what
he's done.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Customer:
Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup !
Waiter :
(Enters, very snooty, peering into the soup) Oh, yes, you are right sir. That
will be an extra 25 cents
for the
meat.
Customer:
But waiter, he's swimming all over the top !
Waiter :
(Still snooty) You are right, sir. It doesn't know it's a fly, sir. It's doing
the Butterfly stroke.
Customer:
Well, I think it must be an Australian !
Waiter : Why
do you say that sir ?
Customer:
BECAUSE IT'S DOWN UNDER NOW !
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Boys on a
flight to
leader, 11
year old patrol leader etc.) a hard time. Finally, one of them bumps into
her/him and knocks a tray on
him/her. The
steward/stewardess smiles and says, "Why don't you boys just run outside
and play."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Customer:
Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup !
Waiter:
(Enters, very snooty, peering into the soup) Oh, yes, you are right sir. That
will be an extra 25 cents
for the
meat.
Customer:
But waiter, he's swimming all over the top !
Waiter:
(Still snooty) You are right, sir. It doesn't know it's a fly, sir. It's doing
the Butterfly stroke.
Customer:
Well, I think it must be an Australian !
Waiter : Why
do you say that sir ?
Customer:
BECAUSE IT'S DOWN UNDER NOW !
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
96. Food, Water & Mirror on the
An easy
2-person skit if you have only one person who's thirsty.
Cast: 2 or 3
People, cup of water, combs, Narrator
Setting:
Narrator:
Here are some poor, thirsty men on the desert who've been stranded on the
desert for days. Let's
watch.
Two or three
people are crawling, calling out for water. Time to really ham it up. Finally,
they see the cup of
water and
stagger for it, reaching out. Finally, they get to the water and,
People:
Ahhhh! (Relieved -- they take out combs, dip them in water and begin to comb
hair.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
This is a
campfire skit. You can plan it carefully if you want. If you have a good
spontaneous actor, he might
be able to ad-lib
responses to each object presented to him, without advance planning. The
Announcer should
always tell
the audience what object is given to the Fortune Teller, because they usually
will not be able to see
clearly.
The
Skit
A small tent
is set up, with an old lady sitting in front of it. This can be a Scout wrapped
up in a blanket, who
speaks with
an old lady's voice. An Announcer introduces her as a very accurate teller of
fortunes who can predict
a person's
future by touching anything belonging to the person.
The
Announcer calls up a series of Scouts. He asks the first Scout what he has
brought, and the Scout
produces a
pencil. The Announcer hands the pencil to the Fortune Teller and asks her to
tell the future of the
owner. The
Fortune Teller waves her hands and mumbles some words and then predicts that
the owner will
become a
writer.
The scene is
repeated. A Scout produces a comb from his pocket, and the Fortune Teller
predicts that he will
become a
hairdresser. A third Scout has a dollar, and she predicts that he will become a
successful banker.
After
several of these, the Scapegoat is summoned from the audience. The announcer
asks what he has to
show the
Fortune Teller. No matter what the Scapegoat suggests, the Announcer says it is
not good enough.
Either it
has been done before, or it is too easy, or "That's no fun!", or any
other reason. Finally, the Announcer
suggests
that the Scapegoat try his shoe, and makes him take it off.
The shoe is
handed to the Fortuneteller, who repeats her mumbo jumbo. (If the Fortune
Teller is a good
pantomime,
this is a wonderful opportunity to make faces, hold her nose, etc.) She then
announces, "You will take
a long walk
in the woods!" She throws the shoe far into the woods.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
A person
finds a four leaf clover. He feels sure that it will bring him good luck.
Another person runs into him.
They accuse
each other of running into each other. They start hitting each other. A
policeman comes along, the
other guy
accuses the lucky person. The lucky person is hauled off to jail. The lucky
person reappears,
disgruntled
and unhappy. Garbage is dumped on him as he walks along and gets fined by a
policeman for
littering.
The lucky man throws away the four leaf clover. Another finds it. The former
lucky man comes back on
stage. The
person who found the four leaf runs on stage saying he just won a million
dollars and has good luck
since he
found it. The former lucky man slumps down, groans, and begins to cry.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
The narrator
narrates, everyone else is volunteers.
"I need
eleven volunteers for this skit."
"This
skit is called the Four Seasons. You three are trees. You three are leaves in
trees, get up in the trees.
You're
poison ivy, cling to the roots of one of the trees. You're tree's blood, you
run through the trees. You two
are birds,
flit from tree to tree and sing. And you're the babbling brook. You have to
babble."
"Babble
babble babble babble ..."
"In the
spring, the leaves come out on the trees. The birds flit from tree to
tree."
"In the
summer, the leaves open up and the sun shines down on the forest. The birds
form flocks"
"In the
fall, the leaves drop from the trees. The birds fly away south."
"In the
winter, the brook freezes and stops babbling. All seems still in the forest.
But beneath it all there is still
life. Look!
The sap is still running!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
"Here
in my hand is Fred the Trained Flea. Fred will perform for you some amazing
feats. Watch closely."
"Fred,
do jumping jacks! Very good! Cheer, everyone!"
"Fred,
do a somersault!"
"Fred,
do a high jump!" Watch him go way up, then back down.
"Now
Fred will do a long jump. I need a volunteer to catch Fred." Pick a
scoutmaster, or someone in authority.
"Fred,
do a long jump!" Watch Fred jump to the volunteer "Oh! He seems to
have jumped into your hair!"
Walk over to
the volunteer, start picking through their hair. "Here we are .. no,
that's not Fred." toss the flea
over your
shoulder "Ah! No, that's not Fred." "That's not Fred."
"Fred, are you in there?" "That's not Fred either."
"Boy,
there's a lot of fleas in here." "Fred? Fred?" ...
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 81 through 100
Three guys
are sitting on a park bench. Goober is quietly reading, Gomer is pretending to
swim in a lake
(jumps off
bench and swims around). Gopher is pretending to be fishing, reeling fish after
fish. Policeman comes
in and
watches them. Policeman asks Goober if he knows the other two men. Goober says
they are his friends.
The
policeman thinks Goober ought to take care of his friends. Goober says okay and
asks the others to climb
into his
boat. Goober pretends to row off stage (the policeman staring after them,
shaking his head in disbelief).
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
Cast: Story
teller, hunter, game warden
The story
teller tells the story, while the hunter pantomimes the story and his actions.
The game warden
comes in on
cue.
Story
Teller: There once was this hunter who was hunting for several years in the
same location. Every year,
he would see
a deer grazing on the edge of a cliff, which was just outside the allowed
hunting zone. The deer
would never
come into the hunting zone. Now this was a very big deer, and would have been a
wonderful prize.
But the
hunter was always unsure, and didn't want to lose his license. Finally one
year, the hunter decided that he
was going to
shoot the deer anyway, as he wasn't having much luck. He went up to the deer,
saw that it was
dead, and
threw it over his right shoulder, then put his gun over his left shoulder. All
of a sudden, the game
warder came
up to him.
Game Warden:
Excuse me, sir, I was just watching you. What's that over your shoulder?
Hunter:
(looking over left shoulder) That's my hunting rifle.
Game Warden:
And what's that over your other shoulder?
Hunter:
(looking over right shoulder, and shakes off the deer) AAHHHHHH!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
The skit
starts out with a couple of campers (or scouts in your case) asking for some
volunteers from the
audience
(parents will do JUST fine...evil grin).
The
volunteers are then removed from the room by one of the scouts in charge of the
'Game Show' (thank you
Vanna...)
After the
volunteers have been removed, the 'Game' is set up. Two tables (the folding
type work VERY well)
are covered
with sleeping bags and balls of various descriptions are placed under buckets
on these tables, the
catch is
that in between the two tables a person (another scout perhaps) is kneeling
with his head under a bucket
to resemble
the other buckets (of course this is well hidden with sleeping bags, or sheets
or what ever you have
handy) The
tables are then moved close together to further hide the fact that there is
anyone under the table, and
don't forget
to cover the front of the table so that the participant, or victim as it were,
cannot see under the tables.
Bring in the
first contestant...
It is then
that the 'Game' is described to the contestant. He/she is to make his/her way
down the line of
buckets
picking up each bucket and naming the ball under the bucket. Give some time
record to be beaten. Then
as they make
their way down the line and eventually pick up the bucket off of the table
under which the scout is
hiding, the
scout should yell/scream etc. to further the shock value.
Bring in the
next contestant...etc
This skit is
generally really effective and is good for a few laughs if nothing else.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
Version
1:
An announcer
asks if the audience will help with the squirrel's harvest. Several boys
dressed up like squirrels
with paper
ears, tails, and brown clothes go out into the audience bring back people known
for their crazy
behavior.
They are gathered on the stage and the announcer says that the title of the
skit will be, "The Gathering
of the
Nuts."
Version
2:
Vincent: I
am the famous artist, Vincent Van Go Go. I have come here this evening at great
expense to
create one
of my living nature paintings which will express the atmosphere of this camp !
First I am going to need
some trees.
(Two trees are selected from the participants in the audience, and are directed
where to stand. They
wave their
arms gently.)
Vincent: Now
I will need some birds to twitter among the trees.
(Three birds
are selected and they move around the trees making twittering sounds.)
Vincent:
(Stands back to view scene) Perhaps a sun to shine on everything. (A tall
participant stands on a
bench and
smiles brightly.)
Vincent:
(Again viewing) It's not right yet. I know, some rabbits hopping around.
(Assistant Leaders are
chosen for
rabbits)
Vincent: One
last touch. A babbling brook. Scouter, will you be the brook, you're always
babbling ? (The
brook takes
his place.)
Vincent:
(Turns to audience) There it is, another Vincent Van Go Go original nature
scene. I call it "The
Gathering of
the Nuts."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
The scene is
a general store, with the Storekeeper behind the counter. The counter is easily
represented by a
long table
with a few items piled on it.
Behind the
Storekeeper is a curtain, which conceals another Scout, the Storekeeper's Son.
He has a full
change of
clothes with him.
The Skit
The
Storekeeper introduces himself. He explains that this is his store and his Son
helps him to run it. He is
very proud
of how hard he works to satisfy every customer, no matter what the customer
wants.
A customer
enters, walks up to the counter, and asks for a hat. The Storekeeper turns and
calls out, "Hey
Son, I need
a hat." The curtain moves, and a hand reaches through with a hat. The
customer admires it, and they
agree on a
price. The customer pays, puts on the hat, and walks out acting pleased.
Other
customers repeat the process for a jacket, a shirt, shoes, socks, and a pair of
pants. Each time, there
is more
movement of the curtain, and a longer delay before the clothing is handed
through the curtain. There are
sounds of
grumbling, and the Storekeeper reminds his son about their commitment to sell
whatever the customer
needs.
The last
customer walks in hesitantly and asks in embarrassed tones for underwear. The
Storekeeper does
not hear
him, and makes him repeat it until everybody can hear clearly. Finally he says,
"Oh of course.
Underwear!
Son, we need some underwear." Nothing happens.
The
Storekeeper repeats his request several times, each time emphasizing the word,
"Underwear." There is
no answer.
He apologizes to his customer for his lazy son, and says he will get the
underwear himself. He
stomps off
behind the curtain.
The curtain
shakes, and we hear, "No, Pa! No, Pa! No!" The Son runs through the
curtain and across the
stage
wearing only underpants.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
Cast: Ghost,
Family asleep in house
Setting:
House at Night
Ghost:
(Going up to Mom, wakes her up -- uses scary ghost voice.) I am the Ghost of
Mom: Ahhh!
Ghost: (To
Dad -- same thing.) I am the Ghost of
Dad: I'm
getting out of here!
Ghost: (To
son.) I am the Ghost of
Son: Help!
Mommy!
Ghost: (To
daughter.) I am the Ghost of
Daughter:
(Looks at watch.) Aww, shut up! It's only
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
Cast: Ghost,
3 Pedestrians
Setting:
#1: (Bends
over; picks up coin.) Wow! A loony!
Ghost:
(Comes out; scary voice.) I am the Ghost with one black eye!
(#1 scared;
drops loony; runs away)
#2: (Bends
over; picks up coin.) Wow! A dollar!
Ghost:
(comes out) I am the Ghost with one black eye!
(#2 scared;
drops dollar; runs away)
#3: (Bends
over; picks up coin.) Wow! Money!
Ghost:
(Comes out.) I am the Ghost with one black eye!
#3: Keep it
up, and you'll get another
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
Two guys
start a ghost catching business. They go to this house and can't get rid of the
ghost. The ghost
finally
leaves because one of the guys sings very badly and off key. The ghost can't
stand it and leaves.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
On stage you
have a boy concealed in a sleeping bag that is open on both ends, he is the
Giant worm.
Several
"hikers" happen upon the worm. The hikers are eating and carrying
with them a supply of candy bars.
They look at
each other in amazement ask each other "I wonder what he eats" The
hikers hold some candy bars
near the
mouth of the worm. The worm gobbles up the candy bars wrappers and all. Then
the worm quickly
discards
empty wrappers form the other end. (stuff happens). The hikers run away.
Another group of hikers comes
along
drinking soft drinks and repeats the routine. The third group comes along with
nothing to eat or drink. this
group should
have your smallest scout. this group also ponders what this giant worm would
et. At that moment
the worm
gobbles the smallest scout. Then discards a pair of pants and shirt out the
other end. The worm walks
off with the
eaten scout under the sleeping bag. The hikers run away.
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of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
There is a
glass of water in the middle of the stage. First scout crawls across the floor
crying for water. He
dies
dramatically shortly after beginning his crawl. The second person dies just
short of the glass of water. The
third person
on his last bit of strength really hams up his desperation as much as he can.
He reaches the water,
takes out a
comb, grooms his hair with the water, sighs with relief and goes off stage.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
(One
participant is on hands and knees as the 'Go Cart')
Driver : Oh,
this fool Go Cart is always giving me trouble ! Now the front wheel has come
off. (Selects
member of
audience) Would you come over and give me a hand. Thanks. (Selected person may
have some
comments to
respond to - then they are led to the cart.)
Driver :
Here, if you would just be the wheel I need. That's right, get down on your
hands and knees up there
and be the
front wheel. Now let me try it again. (Driver gets on car, tries to start it
up.)
Go Cart:
(Makes sputtering noises, starts, moves forward, then sags and sputters out.)
Driver : Now
what is it ? (Driver moves to rear, lifts cart, lets go and cart sags again.)
Driver : Now
that old suspension has gone, I need more help. (Selects someone else) Please
come over
here and be
the suspension. That's right, just hold the back end up there. Now I'll try it
again. (Gets on car, starts
engine.)
Go Cart:
(Sputters to life, moves forward, wobbles, and stops)
Driver :
(Getting off) Oh, no. Now the rear wheel is loose. I'll go and get more help.
(Selects more help)
(New help is
positioned at rear wheel.)
Driver: This
wheel is loose. If you will just hold the wheel (indicates leg) tightly so it
doesn't fall off, you'll be a
big help.
Thanks. (Driver gets on cart, starts engine)
Go Cart:
(Starts up, runs fine, moves forward)
Driver :
(Braking to halt) Oh, that's perfect now ! All I needed was a few NUTS to get
it going !
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
Three boys
sitting on a bench or chairs in the front of the room. The two boys on outside
have fishing poles,
the one in
the middle is reading a newspaper. Boys with lines act like they are fishing.
Cub 1: Sure
haven't been catching much.
Cub 3: I
haven't even had a nibble.
Policeman:
(walks on from offstage.) What are you guys doing?
Cub 1:
Fishing, sir.
Policeman:
Can't you tell this is a pack meeting?
Cub 3: No,
it's a pond!
Policeman:
(nudges man with paper and he lowers it) Do you know these two characters?
Cub 2:
(folds newspaper) Sure, they are my friends.
Policeman:
In that case, you'd better get them out of here.
Cub 2: Yes,
sir. (reaching behind chair, picks up a paddle and acts as if he is paddling
away.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
A Scout
walks out from backstage, stumbles, and falls on his face. He struggles noisily
to get up, but keeps
his forehead
on the floor. He sometimes succeeds in getting into a position with his feet
and his forehead on the
floor, and his
butt in the air. He rotates in this position, keeping his forehead in one
place. He calls for help for
help,
repeating "My forehead is stuck!"
As he
struggles, other Scouts walk casually past. They ignore him, or look with
curiosity, but they do not help.
Finally, a
Scout comes running up and heaves the victim to his feet. The victim is
effusively grateful, but the
rescuer just
looks at his face. He reaches out, plucks something from the victim's forehead,
and pops it into his
mouth.
"Thanks," he says, "I knew I'd lost my gum somewhere around
here!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
Version
1:
Props: a
large pot, several spoons, and a floor mop. A chef's hat would also be useful.
Announcer:
This scene takes place in the
(Several
boys are seated around a large pot, sampling the imaginary contents with the
spoons.)
Scott : Boy,
this is sure good soup.
Brad : Yep,
it's got REAL flavor.
David : Sure
is, why it's even better than my Mom makes.
Matthew: Oh
yeah. It's the best food I've eaten at camp all week.
Cook :
(Enters waving floor mop and shouting) Hey you guys ! Get out of my mop water
!!!
Version
2:
Cast: Three
or four Cubs or Scouts, Cook, Tub
Setting:
Kitchen
#1: (Over
tub, tasting contents) Good Soup!
#2: Yeah,
Good Soup!
#3: I know!
Good Soup!
#4: None
better than this! Good Soup!
Cook: (Comes
running in) Get out of my dishwater!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
Cast:
Grandson, Granny (2 people), Volunteer, Victim, campfire blanket(s)
Setting: In
Granny's Room
Granny is in
bed (say on the floor,) and of course is covered with blankets. Your two
grannies lie down on
their backs,
as close together as possible, with heads in opposite directions. The head of
one is exposed, the
other being
covered and where Granny's "feet" are.
Try to
figure out a way to set up the audience such that it seems like the right way
to be addressing Granny,
such as Her
being afraid of getting any worse and wanting to be completely covered up to
avoid getting cold.
Grandson:
(To Granny) Granny! Wake Up! It's time for your pill! (Pause -- no response.)
Granny! Wake
Up! Oh no!
She may be dead! (Ham it up, boys!) My gosh, I'll need some help! (Get
volunteer.) Help me wake
Granny!
Both of
them: Granny! Wake UP! Wake Up!
Grandson:
Oh, what ever will we do? She needs to take that pill! I think we need more
help! (Get victim.)
Will you
help us? Just call out with us to wake up Granny.
All of them:
GRANNY! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
Grandson:
Maybe if you stand over her and ask her for a sign that she's still alive.
Victim: OK.
(Stands over her) Granny! Wake Up! Please! Give me a sign!
Granny's
"back end" rises up and hits him on the behind.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
Paint a
verbal picture of the various scouts acting as a cash register (person says
ching, ching), popcorn
machine
(goes pop, pop), door (person holds arms horizontal, swinging saying creak,
creak), tree, chair, etc.
Have three
guys standing there with no parts to play. Have several scouts come in one at a
time, as customers.
They ask
Granny for various items of candy; licorice, gum, etc. Finally disgusted, a
customer asks what she does
have, and she
says all she has left is these three suckers standing in the corner.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
117. The Greatest Spitter in the World
Another
2-person skit you can plug in.
Cast: GSITW,
Partner with metal pot (with a bit of water in it) and a pebble
Setting:
Boardwalk, Circus, Amusement Park
Separate
GSITW and partner by about 15 feet.
Partner:
Ladies and Gentlemen! May I present to you the Greatest Spitter in the World!
He does all kinds of
tricks with
a mere spit! Let him show you the simple spit first!
GSITW sends
off a regular spit, which is caught in the pot by the partner. When it's
supposed to land, he hits
the bottom
of the pot with a secret pebble he holds in his hand.
Partner:
Ladies and Gents! That is not all he can do! Watch his fastball!
Again,
another spit which immediately "lands" in the pot. Continue with
tricks, such as slow spit, high spit,
round the
world spit (in which case each turns around, backs facing each other, and the
spit takes a while to come
around but
indeed does,) curve spit, and so on. Finally,
Partner: Now
for his last spit! It's a really difficult spit but we think we have it! It's a
high, quadruple axle,
curvy,
spring jump spit! We must have absolute silence for this one!
GSITW spits
up, partner follows it up, doing 4 spins, it curves side to side, begins to jump
up and down in air,
then he
seems to lose it ... no, there it is ... he goes side to side, trying to catch
it, he trips and spills the water on
the crowd.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
Boy 1:
Tonight we are going to be talking about ancient
(Boy 2 walks
on stage carrying a can of Crisco.)
Boy 1: No,
no; not that kind of grease. You know
Boy 2: Oh
yeah, that's in back of the cafeteria.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
119. Green Side Up! Green Side Up!
Characters:
A Building Contractor, A Couple (if lady isn't available, changes can be made
for one person)
Contractor
(inside house): Okay, we need a color for the wall in the living room. (walks
to space that is living
room).
Wife: I like
white.
Husband: No,
how about blue?
Wife: How
'bout tan?
Husband:
Okay.
Contractor:
Okay...(writes down on paper) um.. wait just a second. The contractor goes to
the window looks
out, he
opens the window leans out and shouts, "Green side up!"
This repeats
for two more rooms. Each time after the Contractor says "Green Side
Up", couple converses
between
themselves and are not sure about the sanity of the contractor.
After the
last room:
Husband: Mr.
(whatever you want his name to be), why do you keep yelling "Green Side
Up!" outside the
window? We
didn't order any green wall paper!?!
Contractor:
Oh. I am sorry folks. Cub Scout Pack is being lead by Cubmaster and we just
want to make
sure the sod
gets laid down right.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
Cast:
Shopper with a BIG package higher than his head, Pedestrian, People who are
Cars and One Bus
Setting:
Busy Intersection
Cars and
trucks whiz by and don't stop for pedestrians.
Shopper:
Excuse me, Sir, could you tell me when there's nothing coming down the street,
so that I may
cross?
Pedestrian:
Sure. (Pauses until cars stop whizzing by. Bus begins coming down the street.)
Now you can
cross.
There's only a dog coming. (He begins to cross; bus hits him.)
New Setting:
Hospital Ward
Pedestrian:
(To shopper in bed) Gee, I'm really sorry about what happened to you.
Shopper:
It's all right. These things happen once in a while. But tell me, why did you
say there was a dog
coming down
the street when it was really a bus?
Pedestrian:
Well, it was a Greyhound!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 101 through 120
The
cardboard box needs to be large enough to hold one of the players and various
props. "Load" it and push
it on stage,
where a narrator explains that this marvelous machine has been invented by
tonight's guest,
Professor...,
who will demonstrate its tremendous powers. He introduces the professor, who
enters carrying a bag
of his
props.
The
professor explains he has invented a wonderful machine that makes things grow.
He proceeds to
demonstrate.
He pulls a small piece of paper from his sack, pushes buttons, etc., and throws
in the piece of paper
(sound
effects, flashing lights). The player inside throws out a paperback book. The
demonstration continues with
small ball
in, large ball out; piece of string in, hunk of rope out; etc. Finally, the
professor throws in a baby doll. The
player
inside jumps out in baby clothes, cries "Daddy!", and chases him off
stage.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
The
cardboard box needs to be large enough for a player to poke in his head. Face
the opening away from the
audience.
Set up a striped pole and use a few other barbershop props. The
"customer" wears a tight fitting light-colored
bathing cap
to hide his hair and, over the cap, a long scraggly wig loose-fitting enough
that he can shake it
off when he
needs to but well enough anchored that it won't fly off too early.
Barber is on
stage. Customer enters and asks for a hair cut. Barber checks him out,
announces he thinks this
is a job for
his brand new haircut machine, and convinces the customer to try it. Customer
sticks his head into the
back of the
box and barber turns it on (sound effects). Customer yells, flails, flops and
goes through incredible
contortions,
shaking off the wig in the process. Barber, unperturbed, turns off the machine.
Customer pulls out
"bald"
head and races screaming off stage.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
A man sits
down in a restaurant and orders a hamburger. The waiter bring out his
hamburger. The man
starts
eating his hamburger and finds a hair in it; complains to waiter and another
one is brought out. The second
hamburger
has a hair in it and is taken back. The third hamburger also has a hair in it.
The man gets upset and
demands to
see the cook. The cook comes out and the man asks him how he makes his
hamburgers. The cook
says that
all he does is roll the meat and demonstrates making patties by placing the
meat under his arm and
squeezes.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
Three scouts
are doing laundry, each is sitting behind a bucket which holds his
"laundry". Two of the buckets
really have
water and a rag or two. All three work at scrubbing and wringing water from
their laundry for a few
seconds. One
sitting on the end shakes the water from his hands getting his neighbor
slightly wet. This provokes
the scout in
the middle who retaliates with a splash back ... escalate in comedic fashion
till the one on the end
throws a wet
rag at the face of the "scout" in the middle who ducks. The rag sails
on till it smacks the scout on the
far end
(previously not involved in the water fight) in the face. The smack-ee picks up
his bucket to dump on the
others who
take flight into the audience.
The Punch
line: When the actors are in the crowd the smack-ee tosses the contents of his
bucket in a wide
arc over as
much of the audience as possible. In the version I saw the bucket was filled
with pieces of newspaper
but in a
Scouting setting a bucket full of leaves would work just a well. If the actors
have a little talent and practice
this can be
extremely funny.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
125. Have You Seen my Belly Button?
Cast: Dog
owner, Passengers on bus, stuffed animal
Setting:
City Bus
Owner goes
around on the bus asking people if they've seen his Belly Button. Some ignore
him, women gasp,
people are
horrified, some respond, "The nerve of him!" "How crude!"
"What a rude person!" Finally he spots the
toy and
exclaims,
Person: Ah!
Belly Button! There you are, you bad dog!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
Cast: Heart
Attack Victim, 2 "Rescuers"
Setting:
Heart Attach
Victim is walking down the street and all of a sudden, he falls to the ground,
holding his chest. Two men come
up and
seeing this, they begin CPR.
#1: Mister!
(Claps hands.) Hmm. Check for breathing! I'll check for a pulse! (nothing) We
need to do CPR.
Give AR!
#2: (Does
two breaths)
#1: (Pumping
chest, counting aloud) 1,2,3,4....15! Again!
(Repeats 3
times; then checks; then.)
#1: Okay --
check for breathing, and I'll check for a pulse! (They check.)
Nothing!
Switch!
All THREE,
including victim, switch places!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
You can get
your favorite leader or friend with this one.
Need: 5 or
more scouts (1 is an announcer, 1 is an Angel).
Announcer:
Here we are at the Gates of Heaven.
Scout 1:
(Walks up to angel at gate) Hello, I see I've come to Heaven.
Angel: Well,
you're not in yet ! First you've got to tell me how you suffered on Earth.
Scout 1:
Well, I spent a week eating camp food.
Angel: I'm
sorry, you haven't suffered enough. (Scout 1 exits dejectedly.)
Scout 2:
(Enters) Hi, I'm here to get into Heaven.
Angel: Fine,
fine. And how have you suffered ?
Scout 2: I
went on a long hike and got blisters all over my feet.
Angel:
Sorry. That's not enough suffering to get into Heaven. (Scout 2 exits)
Scout 3:
(Enters) Can I get into Heaven ?
Angel: How
did you suffer ?
Scout 3: I'm
in (Pick someone's name who can take a joke) (troop/pack/six/class, etc.)
Angel: Well,
come on in !!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
The trainer
has a flea various tricks, when suddenly he loses Herman, his trained flea. He
searches around
for Herman,
calling for him, eventually a person is brought forward with a flea in his
hair. The punch line is, "This
isn't
Herman!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
A boy comes
out and says something like, "Hic - I can't - Hic - get rid of these
Hic-ups". Another person
comes out
and asks what wrong. He is told and yells "BOO!" to help the boy get
rid of his hiccups. It didn't work.
Several more
people try various methods to get rid of the hiccups and they are fail. Last
method is tried and
seems to
work, but just as he leaves the stage starts hiccupping again, so he falls to
the floor in despair.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
130. The Highest Tree Climber in the World
Again,
this can be a 2-person skit.
Cast: 2
Friends, HTCITW
Setting:
Campfire
Tree climber
is hidden in the woods and is able to ruffle a bush or tree.
1: You know,
they say there's this really good tree climber trying out for the Olympics. I
wonder if he's
practicing
around here?
2: Call out
and see!
1: Hey! Tree
Climber! You around here?
Climber:
Yep!
1: You
practicing?
Climber:
Yep!
1: How high
are you?
Climber: Oh,
not high. About 100 feet.
1: Wow! Can
you go higher?
Climber:
Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 200 feet.
1:
Fantastic! Can you go higher?
Climber:
Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 275 feet.
1: Neato!
Can you go higher?
Climber:
Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 325 feet.
1: Great!
Can you go higher?
Climber:
Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 400 feet.
1: Gee! I'm
amazed!
2: Excuse
me, Sir, but I have a book here that says that the highest tree in the world is
only 360 feet high!
Climber:
Ahhhhhh!!!!!! (Thump!)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
Version
1:
Cast: 3 Lost
Campers
Setting:
Woods
#1: Boy, am
I hungry! We haven't eaten in days!
#2: Me too.
#3: And I
would just love a hot meal.
#1: (Looking
to ground) Wow! A rabbit! Jump it! (#1 & 2 jump it and catch it; they start
to eat it.)
#2: (Looking
back at #3) Would you like some?
#3: No
thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.
#1: Suit
yourself.
(A little
later)
#2: Hey! A
squirrel! Get it!
(#1 & 2
get it and start tearing it apart)
#1: (To #3)
Would you like a morsel?
#3: No
thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.
(A little
later)
#1: Wow! A
moose!
#2: Be very
quiet. (#1 & 2 jump it and kill it; they start eating it)
#1: Look,
there's plenty here, we don't need to keep it all to ourselves, even if we did
get this without your
help.
There's too much to eat anyway. Want any?
#3: No
thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.
#2: Are you
sure? You haven't eaten anything for even longer than us two.
#3: No
thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.
(After a
while,)
#1: Boy, I'm
stuffed.
#2: Me too.
But I think I'm getting sick. (Throws up.)
#1: I'm
sick, too. (Throws up.)
#3: Wow! A
hot meal!
Version
2:
Cast: 5
People, Cabby
Setting:
Outside of Restaurant
#1: Boy,
what a meal. I really gorged myself.
#2: Me too.
#3: Eating
that much makes it hard to walk. Let's get a cab.
#4: Agreed.
#5: Taxi!
(They all
get in.)
Cabby: Get
ready for a good ride, boys.
The cabby
pantomimes driving, going along like a race driver, swerving from side to side,
up and down hills,
does a real
roller coaster ride. Sort of like my driving, if you've experienced it. The
people swerve left to right with
the driver,
all hanging on to dear life and lunch, until they all throw up.
Cabby: Wow!
A five course meal!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
There are
roughly 255 quintillion quazillion variations of this skit out on the market,
including robbers, suicide
pills, car
crashes and so on. You may more commonly know this one as "Veech
Boton?" I'll give you the version I
learned and
the only non-rancid version I've seen yet. [This is also similar to
"Submarine Patrol" here on this page.]
Version
1:
Cast: 5 Guys
kneeling in line (1st is captain, last is dummy)
Setting:
Submarine
Captain:
(Looking through periscope) Aim torpedo 1!
2: Aim
torpedo 1!
3: Aim
torpedo 1!
4: Aim
torpedo 1!
5: How do I
do that?
4: How do I
do that?
3: How do I
do that?
2: How do I
do that?
Captain:
With button 1!
And so on
down the line.
5: Oh!
(Presses button 1.) (Poof!)
Captain:
Ahch! We missed!
And so on
down the line.
Captain:
Fire torpedo 2!
And so on
down the line, after which is, "How do I do that?" "With button
2!" on down the line. Continue down
through to
torpedo 4 (or 5 or however many,) each time the captain becoming more
frustrated and annoyed and
calling the
guy names etc. Each exclamation, for the best effect, should be repeated down
the line. Finally, they
run out of
torpedoes and then...
Captain: The
only thing left to do now is to kill myself (shoots himself.)
And so on
down the line.
5: How do I
do that?
Version
2:
Same kind of
situation, but this time it's a bunch of garbage collectors, racing their truck
down their route.
Driver:
Okay! Try the first one! (They miss.)
Others:
Darn! Next time we'll get it right! (And so on at every stop.)
Finally...
Driver:
Well, guys, we missed all of the garbage stops. I guess the only honorable
thing to do is to pick up the
garbage
properly! (And they do.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
Two boys,
one eats vegetables, exercises, ballerate (ballet & karate), runs (gets a
kid to chase him home school
bully). The
other kid eats candy bars, plays baseball with guys. First guy (vegetable
eater) makes the
team and the
other kid doesn't. The other kid says; "What did I do wrong? Whaaa ! !
!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
Before
introducing this stunt, choose three people to leave the room. They should not
overhear the narrator.
Narrator
explains to audience that the stunt is called "How to Wash an
Elephant", a classic example in
communications.
He tells the following story and pantomimes the motions as he goes.
Narrator:
One morning, Farmer Friendly went out to the barn to begin his chores
(pantomime walking). He
threw open
the barn door, and to his surprise, he found an elephant in his barn (pantomime
throwing open door,
surprise).
The farmer didn't know what to do with the elephant so he decided that the
first thing to do was to wash
it. He led
the elephant from the barn (pick up the elephant's trunk and walking with it
over your shoulder, open and
close barn
door). He left the elephant near the pump, got a bucket and scrub brush and
pumped the bucket full of
water
(pantomime the actions). Now he was ready to begin. First he scrubbed the left
side (lift up elephant's ear
and wash
that). Then he was ready for the stomach (lie down on floor; wriggle under
elephant and scrub
underside).
Next, the right side (repeat actions as for left side). Then he scrubbed the
elephant's face
(pantomime
scrubbing between eyes and down length of trunk). Almost done (walk to rear of
the elephant,
gingerly
lift up tail and quickly scrub there). There, that's done! (Pantomime throwing
out rest of water, putting the
brush in
bucket and setting bucket beside pump. Take the elephant by his trunk and lead
him back to the barn,
open door,
lead him in, go out and shut door behind.)
Narrator
tells audience he will call people back in, one by one, and pantomime the
stunt, without benefit of
narrative.
The first person will do what he remembers for the second person, and so on. He
will, of course, have
no idea what
the motions mean, so it can be very funny. By the time the actions are
pantomimed for the third
person, it
will be distorted and bear little resemblance to the original version.
After all
three have tried their luck, the narrator explains the story and tells them
what they were doing.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
Five guys
sleeping in a tent, all in a row. The scoutmaster on one end, the little scout
on the other.
The little
scout climbs over all the other sleeping scouts, who try to remain asleep, and
shakes the
scoutmaster.
"Scoutmaster! Scoutmaster! I gotta go wee!"
"Huh?
Wha? Go back to sleep." The little scout crawls back over everyone and
goes back to sleep for 5
seconds.
The little
scout climbs over all the other sleeping scouts, who try to remain asleep, and
shakes the
scoutmaster.
"Scoutmaster! Scoutmaster! I gotta go wee!"
"Huh?
Wha? Go back to sleep." The little scout crawls back over everyone and
goes back to sleep for 5
seconds.
The little
scout climbs over all the other sleeping scouts, who try to remain asleep, and
shakes the
scoutmaster.
"Scoutmaster! Scoutmaster! I gotta go wee!"
"OK!
OK!", says the scoutmaster, "If you've gotta go, then go."
The little
scout stands up and waves his hands in the air: "Weee!!!!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
No props are
needed, although the actors can make up bits of costumes that emphasize their
roles. The evil
professor
can wear a long white lab coat. Some rehearsal is wise, to get the most out of
each performance.
A large
Scout lies stiffly in the middle of the stage. The Professor enters and
introduces himself, giving a very
Russian-sounding
name. He boasts about his great abilities and how he will prove that he is the
greatest scientist
in the
world. He has created a monster named Igor, who can obey three different
commands! With these
commands,
the Professor will control the world.
The
Professor is interrupted by a loud knock on the door (from off-stage). A Scout
enters, trying to sell a
subscription
to home delivery of the local newspaper. The Professor refuses, but the Scout
persists. The
Professor
turns to the audience and says, "Now you will see what I can do with my
monster!"
He turns and
points to Igor and says, "Igor! Stand!" Igor slowly stands up. The
Professor says, "Igor! Walk!"
Igor stiffly
walks toward the Scout.
He says,
"Igor! Kill!" Igor reaches out and strangles the Scout, who dies with
a great show of anguish.
"Ha!
Ha!" says the Professor, "Now you see what I have achieved! Now you
know that I can control the world
with Igor
and my three commands!" Igor slowly goes back and lies down.
The scene is
repeated at least twice more, with a Girl Scout selling cookies, a religious
zealot, a vote-seeking
politician,
or a door-to-door salesman. Each time, the Professor boasts, he is interrupted
by a persistent
salesman,
and he uses the three commands. Each salesman is killed off.
The
Professor finally comes to the front of the stage, with Igor lying among the
bodies behind him. He boasts
again about
his three commands, and how he will use them to control the world. All he has
to do is say, "Igor!
Stand!"
Igor stands.
"Igor!
Walk!" Igor walks toward the Professor, who does not notice him.
"Igor!
Kill!" Igor kills the Professor, turns, and lies back down.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
Cast:
Murderer, BUTTER knife, Jar of peanut butter, Sleeping Family Members
Setting: In
House at Night When All Are Asleep
Thief is
looking around the house, with a flashlight perhaps and holding the BUTTER
knife (anything else
would be
overkill, and dangerous) and is always saying, "I'm gonna get you!"
in a way that COULD suggest he's
trying to
find the members to kill them in their sleep. Be CAREFUL to only make
references that are VERY vague.
He goes
around in the different rooms of the house, sometimes saying, "Not
here," perhaps in reference to
sleeping
people. Finally,
Murderer:
Ahh! They sure do keep the peanut butter in a crazy place in this house!
(Starts to enjoy the PB
using the
butter knife.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
Cast: 4
Russians, 1 Person late for work
All actors
come out one at a time, using Russian accents except the last person.
#1: (Comes
out) I'm Russian!
#2: I'm
Russian! Thank you! (Bows.)
#3: I'm
Russian! Qvestions?
#4: I'm
Russian!
#5: I'm late
for work and I'm rushin' too!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
The setting
can be either a king or a boss in his office who beckons to a courtier or
assistant that he wants his
royal or
important papers. The person runs in with a sheath of papers, the king or boss
quite agitated tosses them
aside and
demands that they bring him his important papers. Other people bring in other
things one at a time
such as a
Boy Scout Handbook etc. the king throws them aside and gets more and more upset
demanding that
he have his
important papers. At last the some one comes in with a roll of toilet paper
(court jester, office boy
etc.). The
king knights him or the boss promotes him thanking him profusely and runs off
the stage in visible
relief.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
Scene: Six
to eight players sit around a table scattered with papers, a couple of water
glasses, etc. They
mime a
discussion, some jotting down notes, etc.
Enter the
narrator, outfitted as a news reporter. In confidential tones, the reporter
explains that this is an
important
meeting of the group committee, gathered on this occasion to make some very
important decisions.
As the
narrator says something like, "Let's see if we can get a bit closer to
hear how things are going", the
group at the
table add some mumbling and unintelligible arguing to their mime. Occasionally,
they punctuate the
din with
outbursts such as, "No, no!"; "I disagree!"; "That's
better"; "No way!"; "That might work" and the like.
Finally, the
hubbub dies, the group settles back. One member stands and announces,
"Then it's decided; a
12-slice
pizza with olives, mushrooms, lots of cheese, but hold the pepperoni."
All: Agreed!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 121 through 140
You need a
furniture store salesman and a customer who knows what is happening. Before the
salesman can
sell
anything, he needs stock. Call for volunteers from the audience: four to lie
down to make the rug; three to
crouch as
the couch; one or two chairs; a lamp; and most important, one good natured
fellow to get down on all
fours as the
coffee table. When all are ready, a customer enters and asks to see a couch.
The salesman shows
him the furniture,
extolling its high quality and low price. He pays particular attention to the
coffee table: beautiful,
sturdy, mark
and mar-proof, etc.
The customer
shows some interest. The salesman pats and wiggles the coffee table to show how
firm and
steady it
is, then picks up a cup (empty) and says something like, "See this cup of
water? Pretend it's coffee.
When it sits
on this table, you know it will never spill!" He places the cup between
the shoulder blades of the coffee
table and
jiggles it gently. "See!" The customer says he'll think about it and
leaves. The dejected salesman
dismisses
all the furniture except the coffee table and leaves. The coffee table tries to
figure out how he will get
up without
spilling what he thinks is a cup of water all over himself. Cheer him on!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
Version
1:
A scout runs
in to a camp of soldiers yelling "The infantry is coming! The infantry is
five miles away!" The
soldiers
look up, mumble, and act nervous.
A scout runs
into the camp of soldiers yelling "The infantry is coming! The infantry is
one mile away!" The
soldiers
stand up and start gathering their gear.
A scout runs
into the camp of soldiers yelling "The infantry is coming! They're just
over the hill!" All the soldiers
scream and
run away, opposite direction that the scout came from.
Two people
run in from the direction the scouts came from, carrying an infant tree. They
run after the soldiers.
Version
2:
Cast: 3-4
People, Person carrying a sapling
#1: (Runs
in) The Infantry is coming! Go to the bomb shelters!
#2: (A
moment later, runs in) The Infantry is coming! Save yourselves!
#3: (A
moment later, runs in) The Infantry is coming! Let's help them!
#4: (A
moment later, runs in) The Infantry is coming! Let's watch the tanks!
(A moment
later)
Person: And
here it is, the Infant Tree.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
One person
is laying on the floor. Two other people walk up.
First
person: "Hey this guy is hurt." he goes and checks his heart beat.
First
person: "No heart beat, help me do CPR"
Second
person goes down and starts pumping on the chest and the first guy does the
mouth blows. Do this
for a little
while.
Second
person: "I'm getting kind of tired here I think it is time to
switch."
First
person: "OK, ready"
At this
point the person on the ground gets up, one of the other people goes down and
they start doing CPR
again.
There you
go, this is a good skit to do with leaders.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
Cast:
Leader, 3-4 Kids in messy uniforms, missing hats, inside out, not tucked in,
and so on, and One Kid in
perfect,
full uniform
Setting:
Meeting Hall
Leader:
Troop! (Does the sign.) Line up for inspection.
Kid in
perfect uniform is at end of line. Leader checks each one, says
"Hmm," at each one, writes down
something.
Gets to last kid.
Leader:
Johnny! You're in perfect uniform! How many times will it take for you to get
it right! You make the
others look
bad!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
Two ditch
diggers are digging a ditch when their boss walks by and then just stands
around. One digger turns
to the other
and ask why they have to do all the work, while the boss gets paid more. The
other man does not
know and
suggest the he go ask the boss. He then asks the boss, who explains its
"intelligence". The worker
asks
"what do you mean?. The boss says "let me demonstrate it to you"
whereupon he puts his hand against a
tree and
tells the worker to hit his hand as hard as he can. When the worker tries, the
boss pulls his hand away,
and the
worker hits the tree instead. The boss says, "You see that's intelligence,
now go back to work!". When he
returns to
the ditch, the other man asks him what the answer is. The injured worker
explains its "inteelgence". He
explains to
the other worker by putting his hand on the front of his own face and says:
"See this hand, hit it as hard
as you
can!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
You need a
furniture store salesman and a customer who knows what is happening. Before the
salesman can
sell
anything, he needs stock. Call for volunteers from the audience: four to lie
down to make the rug; three to
crouch as
the couch; one or two chairs; a lamp; and most important, one good natured
fellow to get down on all
fours as the
coffee table. When all are ready, a customer enters and asks to see a couch.
The salesman shows
him the
furniture, extolling its high quality and low price. He pays particular
attention to the coffee table: beautiful,
sturdy, mark
and mar-proof, etc.
The customer
shows some interest. The salesman pats and wiggles the coffee table to show how
firm and
steady it
is, then picks up a cup (empty) and says something like, "See this cup of
water? Pretend it's coffee.
When it sits
on this table, you know it will never spill!" He places the cup between
the shoulder blades of the coffee
table and
jiggles it gently. "See!" The customer says he'll think about it and
leaves. The dejected salesman
dismisses
all the furniture except the coffee table and leaves. The coffee table tries to
figure out how he will get up
without
spilling what he thinks is a cup of water all over himself. Cheer him on!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
Need: 4 (or
more) scouts .
First boy is
squatting as though sitting on an invisible bench. The second boy comes in and
asks what the first
is doing.
"I'm
sitting on the invisible bench."
"Can I
join you?"
"Sure,
there's plenty of room."
Second boy
pretends to sit.
A third boy
comes along, and the scene repeats.
Go on for as
many boys as you want.
When the
last boy comes along, asks and is answered, he says "But I moved it over
there this morning!"
AAAAHHHHHH!!!!
All seated boys fall down.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
148. Is a Train Passing Today?
Cast:
Grandma, Grandpa
Setting:
Train Station
Grandma: (In
old voice) Grandpa, is a train passing from the south today?
Grandpa:
(Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the south, returns, and
in an old voice,) No,
Grandma.
Grandma:
Grandpa, is a train passing from the north today?
Grandpa:
(Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the north, returns.)
No, Grandma.
Grandma:
Grandpa, is a train passing from the east today?
Grandpa:
(Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the east, returns.) No,
Grandma.
Grandma:
Grandpa, is a train passing from the west today?
Grandpa:
(Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the west, returns.) No,
Grandma.
Grandma:
Good. We can cross the tracks now.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
149. Is Captain Kidd Afraid of Himself?
Cast:
Captain Kidd, Other people walking by, Mirror
Setting:
Street
C.K.: I'm
the roughest, toughest, meanest, ugliest pirate to roam the seas. Watch this.
(Tries to scare first
man walking
by.)
Man: I'm not
scared of you!
C.K. keeps
on trying to scare people going to work ("Late for work!") walking
the dog (Dog runs up and starts
to play with
C.K.) kids (they laugh, "Hey! Halloween isn't till next month!") and
so on. Finally, he's quite dismayed.
C.K.: Hmm.
Maybe I'm not so scary after all. Maybe I should go into movies. (Looks at
himself in the mirror.)
Ahhh! (Runs
away scared.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
Version
1:
Have several
boys standing in a line (facing the audience) with one arm on the next boys
shoulder. The first
boy in line
looks at the second and asks the second boy, "IS it time yet?" The
second boy asks the third boy the
same
question and so on down the line. The boy at the end of the line looks at his
watch and says to the boy next
to him,
"No, its not time yet," and this continues on up the line to the
first boy in the line again with each boy saying
it in turn.
This can continue a couple times; then when it gets to the last boy, he says,
"It's time!" and when the
message gets
back to the first boy each boy moves his arm from the other's shoulder and puts
his other arm on
the boy next
to him.
Version
2:
Line of 5-8
Scouts standing with left foot crossed over right, right arm crossed over left.
First Scout
in line asks: "IS IT TIME YET?" -
Second Scout
asks third, etc down the line.
Last Scout
says: "NO"
Word is
passed back to the first Scout, one Scout at a time.
After a
lonnnnnnnng pause, First Scout asks: "IS IT TIME YET?"
It goes down
the line as before.
Last Scout
says: "NO"
Again and
the word is passed back.
Another long
pause...............
First Scout
asks again: "IS IT TIME YET?" etc and,
Last Scout
says: "YES" the answer is passed back. Just after the first Scout
gets the word, they all change to
right foot
over left and left arm over right.
Version
3:
Text from
Best of Leader Magazine Cut Out pages:
at the
ankle. The player at one end asks the one beside him, "Is it time
yet?" The question passes from person to
person down
the line. The last player looks at his watch and tells the person beside him,
"No, not yet." The reply
passes from
player to player back up the line to the first person. Players send question
and answer up and down
the line
three or four times, each time becoming more and more impatient and fidgety.
Finally, the end player
replies,
"Yes, it's time now." The news passes from one to another up the line
to the first player who says, "Oh,
thank
goodness!" At this point, all the players uncross their legs and re-cross
them right over left.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
Cast: Patrol
asleep (ie. lying down) in tent
Scout 1:
Scouter, I gotta go wee!
Scouter: Go
back to sleep.
Scout 1: (A
little later) Scouter, I gotta go wee!
Scouter: Go
back to sleep!
Other Scouts
wake up and mumble, "Aw, keep quiet," "Stop whining,"
"You're keeping us awake," etc.
Scout 1: (A
little later) Scouter, I gotta go wee!
Scouter:
(Annoyed) Go back to sleep!
Other Scouts
wake up and mumble, "Aw, keep quiet," "Stop whining,"
"You're keeping us awake," etc.)
(continues
once or twice more. Finally,
Scout 1: But
Scouter, I really gotta go Wee!
Scouter:
(Really annoyed and exasperated) Fine, Johnny, GO WEE!
Scout 1:
(Sits up, starts wiggling arms and calls out,) WEEEEE! WWWEEEEEEEEEEE!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
Version
1:
One Scout is
standing on stage. A Second Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "Those
are nice shoes.
Where did
you get them?" The Second Scout says, "J.C. Penney [J.C. Penney is a
department store in the
and walks
off.
A Third
Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice shirt. Where did you
get it?" The Third Scout
says,
"J.C. Penney" and walks off.
A Fourth
Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice pair of pants. Where
did you get them?" The
Fourth Scout
says, "J.C. Penney" and walks off.
A Sixth
Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice hat. Where did you
get it?" The Sixth Scout
says,
"J.C. Penney" and walks off.
A Seventh
Scout walks up wearing only a towel. The First Scout says, "Who are
you?" The Seventh Scout
says,
"I'm J.C. Penney."
Version
2:
Cast: Person
standing on street, 3 Friends passing by, J.C. Penney in underwear/swim suit
only
Setting:
Street Corner
Remember
that all of the friends come from the same side of the stage, and leave on the
same other side (ie.
all are
walking in the same direction.)
Person: Hey,
Frank! Nice to see you! Hey, I like those shoes! Where'd you get them?
Frank: J.C.
Penney! Look, I gotta run! Bye!
Another
friend comes up.
Person:
John! Nice shirt! Where did you get it?
John: J.C.
Penney! Real nice clothes! See you!
Another
friend shows up.
Person:
Steve! Hey! The pants! I love 'em. Where'd you get 'em?
Steve: J.C.
Penney! Bye!
J.C. Penney
comes running through.
Person: Hey!
Who are you? Why are you running around like that?
J.C.: I'm
J.C. Penney! I'm trying to get my clothes back!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
Cast: Army
Recruiter, Trainees
Setting:
Gymnasium
Recruiter:
(To audience) Join the army and learn some great skills! You can become rough
and tough like
me! For
instance, you can learn wrestling! (Two trainees wrestle on the floor) And how
about judo! (Trainees do
a judo flip)
And Tai-Chi! (Trainees do Tai-Chi moves.) And my personal favorite, Karate!
(Tries a Karate chop
on a
trainee; trainee blocks it, recruiter hurts himself and runs away crying.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
A patrol of
scouts are sitting around the campfire, eating their dinner. Every once in a
while an older scout will
yell out a
number and all of the scout will laugh hysterically. All except one new scout
who just looks around.
Finally
after three or four numbers have been yelled he the new scout ask his patrol
leader about what is going on.
The Patrol
leader explains that at some camps they got in trouble for the jokes they told
so they memorized the
jokes. Each
member just says a number in order to tell a joke. The Patrol leader gives the
new scout a book of
jokes to
learn. The new scout finds a joke and yells "52". Nothing happens. He
asks the patrol leader why no one
laughed. The
patrol leader says: "Some guys just don't know how to tell a joke!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
Cast: 2
People, Radio Voice
Setting:
Park
#1: Boy,
what a lunch! Those Jumbo Burgers were really strange -- but good. I wonder why
they wouldn't tell
us what kind
of meat was in it?
#2: Oh, you
know, they tell that, then people will expect the kinds of spices and other
ingredients they put in
and they'll
lose their secret recipe.
#1: You're
right. But I'm still curious.
#2: Yeah,
but forget it. Maybe we'll go back tomorrow and have another. Let's turn on the
radio.
Radio Voice:
Jumbo the Elephant from Lodge's traveling circus died last night during a
performance from a
heart
attack. And for this week's "Poor Taste" award, given to restaurants
for serving poor quality food, goes to
Richi's
Burger House. It appears that they have been serving "Jumbo Burgers"
whose origins seem to be a little
vague ....
(Guys realize what they ate and start to throw up.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
Cast:
Reporter, Doctor, Bus driver, Pilot, Mechanic, Cook, Tax Consultant (and/or
just about whoever you
need -- the
only constant is the Reporter.)
Setting:
Cliff
Reporter: I
haven't had a single story in weeks, so I'm going to commit suicide by jumping
off this cliff.
(Swings arms
to 1,2,3) One ... Two ... (Suddenly,)
Doctor: Hey!
What are you doing?
Reporter: I
haven't had a single story in weeks, so I'm going to commit suicide by jumping
off this cliff. Why
are you
here?
Doctor: I
haven't had a patient come to visit me in weeks. And I goofed all of the
operations I've filled in for.
Hey! Why
don't we commit suicide together?
Reporter:
That sounds great. (They swing arms to 1,2,3) One ... Two ...
Bus Driver:
Hey! What are you doing?
Reporter: I
haven't had a single story in weeks, so I'm going to commit suicide by jumping
off this cliff.
Doctor: I
haven't had a patient come to visit me in weeks. And I goofed all of the
operations I've filled in for.
So we're
going to commit suicide by jumping off this cliff. Why are you here?
Bus Driver:
I keep on having accidents with my bus, so they fired me. Hey! Why don't we
commit suicide
together?
Reporter and
Doctor: That sounds great. (They swing arms to 1,2,3) One ... Two ...
Pilot comes
in at the same time and asks what's going on -- same thing happens, he gets
asked why he's
here, so he
says that he keeps on crashing planes. They all are about to jump when the cook
comes in, and the
same thing
happens, and he says that he always burns the food he cooks. They all are about
to jump when the
tax
consultant comes in and explains, the same way the others did, that he keeps
giving bad tax advice and the
government
is jailing his customers for tax fraud. Finally, they all are about to jump,
and they do -- except for the
reporter who
says,
Reporter:
Hey! What a story!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
Cast: Karate
Expert, 3 Muggers, 1 Mugger with a gun
Expert: I
now can feel safe when I walk through the park and not have to worry about
muggers now that I
know karate
from all over the world. For instance, (mugger sneaks up to him, gets a karate
chop,) Hiii-Ya! I
learned that
Japanese Karate Chop in
the Chinese
Mugger Flip -- in
Kick, like
this one (does a turn & kicks him) in
Suddenly
another mugger runs in and shoots the expert dead.
Mugger: That
was a shot from a .45 special I got from the Sears Catalogue!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
158. Keep
Cast: 6 Cubs
Setting:
Five Cubs Sitting in Their Clubhouse (indicated by appropriate signs) playing a
game.
Cub 1: (Runs
in, very excited) Hey, you guys! Did you hear about the big contest?
Cub 2: What
contest? What's it about?
Cub 1: The
"Keep
Cub 3: Are
there prizes? A contest is no good without prizes.
Cub 1: Sure,
lots of prizes. Neat ones like bicycles and radios, and lots of good stuff!
Cub 4:
(Gloomily) I bet it's hard. Contests with neat prizes are always hard.
Cub 1: Nope!
It's easy. Even the rules say it's SIMPLE -- in big letters. The winner is the
one who picks the
easiest way.
Cub 5: The
easiest way to do what?
Cub 1: The
easiest way to keep Canada Beautiful. That's what I've been talking about!
Cub 6: (With
a swagger) Ha! Then I'm a cinch to win!
Cub 1: Why's
it so cinchy for you? What's your great way to keep
Cub 6:
(Takes out comb and combs his hair) See! That's the easiest way I know to keep
Canada Beautiful.
The others
look at him, then at each other. Quickly they surround him, carry or drag him
to a large box
marked
TRASH, and dump him in.
Cub 1: Like
he said, fellahs, we're a cinch to win! That's the easiest way I know to keep
(they exit,
laughing while Cub 6 stands up in the trash box with a disgusted look on his
face.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
A person
comes out with a length of rope. He proceeds to give a knot demonstration some
of which do not
turn the way
he expects. He has creative and imaginative names for his knots such as the
double hitch back loop
tie, clove
hitch with a triple loop bight, etc. The last knot he ties is one that he says
that a person can't loosen. The
more they
try to loosen the knot the more it tightens. He demonstrates a temporary
version of this around his
neck. He
pulls on the knot when he is finishes and exclaims, "Oh no, I've tied the
wrong knot, I've tied the
permanent
version, and leaves the stage choking.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
"I am
the King. Bring me my raisins!"
First
squire, "Here are raisins, sire, from the hills of
"Those
raisins are not fit for peasants! Bring me my raisins!"
Second
squire, "Here are raisins, sire, from the vineyards of
The King,
"They are hardly worth sneezing at. Bring me my raisins!"
Third squire
,"These raisins, sire, were hand-picked with tweezers by Benedictine Monks
in
The King,
"These are the worst yet! Bring me my royal raisin supplier!"
Two guys
drag in the royal raisin supplier
The King,
"Why have you not brought me my raisins?"
Royal raisin
supplier, "My rabbit died!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 141 through 160
The scene is
a living room with a radio playing. A Scout is changing stations. There is an
announcement,
read from
off stage: "We interrupt this station to bring you an important news
bulletin. A criminal known as the
Land Shark
has been seen on the streets of this town! He knocks on the doors of suspecting
people, disguises his
voice, and
upon entrance, devours them leaving no traces. If the Land Shark shows up at
your door, do not open
it, and call
the police immediately. We now return you to our regularly scheduled broadcast."
Scout,
turning off radio: "I hope that Land Shark doesn't show up here."
Three loud
knocks are heard. "Who is it?"
Offstage:
"Pizza delivery"
Scout:
"Oh, great! Come on in!" He reaches offstage to open the door. Hands
reach out and pull him off with
a loud
growl. Curtain closes.
Curtain
opens on another Scout: "I've heard so many rumors about that Land Shark.
I'm curious." (Three
loud
knocks.) "Who is it?"
Offstage:
"Luke Paterson from Metropolitan Life."
Scout:
"What do you want?"
Offstage:
"I need to review your policy. Your never know when something might
happen!"
Scout:
"Come in." Opens door. Loud growl. Grabbed and pulled offstage.
Curtain closes.
Curtain
opens on an older Scout. He hears three knocks. "Who is it?"
Offstage:
"Pharmacy delivery."
Scout:
"I didn't order any medicine."
Offstage:
"Candygram."
Scout:
"From whom?"
Offstage:
"Plumber."
Scout:
"My pipes are fine! Say, I know who this is. It's that nasty Land
Shark!"
Offstage, in
a small voice: "I'm only a guppy, sir."
Scout:
"Oh, all right. Come in, then." Opens the door and is pulled
offstage. More growls. Curtain closes.
Curtain
opens on an old, sharp Scout. He hears three knocks. "Who is it?"
Offstage:
"Boy Scout Troop 144. Would you like to buy some fertilizer, sir?"
Scout, looks
at the audience and smiles knowingly: "Just a minute." He gets a
large stick and prepares to hit
the Shark.
"Come in."
He swings
the stick offstage. There is a loud thump. A very young Scout in full uniform
stumbles onto the
stage and
dramatically falls, face first.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
Version
1:
One person
bends over pantomiming a lawn mower. This "mower" rumbles and shakes,
sputtering, as the
gardener
tries to start it. It doesn't start. Other members of the skit try to start it
with no luck. The gardener
chooses a
volunteer out of the audience to try and start it and it starts up right away
chugging along. The
gardener
explains all it took was a bigger JERK.
Version
2:
(One
participant is on his hands and knees as the mower.)
Owner :
(Yanking imaginary rope, while mower sputters) This darned old mower, I can't
get it going. I need
some help.
(Gets help from another participant.)
Helper #1:
So you just want me to yank on this rope, and get it started ? That's easy !
(Yanking rope)
Mower :
(Splutters, bobs up and down)
Helper #1:
I'm sorry. I can't seem to do it. Have you checked the gas ?
Owner : Yes,
I have. Thanks anyway. Well, let's see who else has a strong arm. (Selects
another
participant)
What I need you to do is to give a real good yank on the starting rope and make
it run.
Helper #2:
Sure thing. (Yanks rope a couple of times.)
Mower :
(Bobs up and down, sputters, coughs)
Helper #2:
Sorry, I can't do it either.
Owner : What
I need is someone big and strong (Selects a Leader) (Leader will probably make
some
comments,
but let him talk and get him to pull the rope)
Mower :
(Splutters, coughs, starts to vibrate and run)
Owner :
There. All it needed was a good jerk.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
Cast:
Narrator, French Person, Storekeeper, Border Guard
Narrator:
This man (indicate French person) wanted to learn English so that he could go
to the
shopping. So
he went to a store and bought a radio (transaction made with shopkeeper.) He
listened to it all the
time until
finally, when he thought that his English was good enough, he went to the
border.
Border
Guard: Where are you going, Sir?
Frenchman:
(Crackles a response, like radio with bad reception.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
Cast:
Teacher, Kid
Setting:
Classroom
Kid: (To
teacher) May I go to the washroom?
Teacher:
First you have to recite the alphabet.
Kid recites
the alphabet BUT leaves out the letter P.
Teacher: You
forgot the letter P. What happened to it?
Kid: It's
running down my pants!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
This is an
old, old vaudeville stunt. It depends on the interaction between the players
and the crowd.
Overacting
and showing off should be encouraged. The only prop needed is a length of
rubber tubing, such as a
piece of old
bicycle inner tube.
The skit
should be practiced, both for the greatest effect and for the protection of the
Scout, who must know
how to
absorb the blow. The Scout turns his back to the Master of Ceremonies. He bends
partly forward, and
pulls the
tubing over his shoulder. When the tubing is released, he falls forward and
rolls toward the opposite
shoulder. If
he holds the tube properly, it will fly over his shoulder with a 'Snap!' He
will not be hurt unless he
takes the
blow squarely. The Master of Ceremonies should know what is going to happen and
how he should act,
but he does
not have to know when he will receive his long-distance phone call.
The Skit
The Master
of Ceremonies is presiding over a Court of Honor or a campfire. A Scout runs
onto the stage and
interrupts
him dramatically, " I have a long distance telephone call for you!"
The Scout
has a length of rubber tubing. He hands one end to the MC, explaining that this
is the phone line.
"I'll
get the line straightened out and connect you. When I say 'Ring-Ring', you hold
it up to your ear and say 'Let
me have it',
and you'll get your call."
The MC looks
skeptical, looks at the Scout, then at the tube, then at the Scout again and
finally agrees. The
Scout
stretches the line and says, "Ring- Ring". The MC looks at the
audience, then at the Scout, and plays
dumb.
"What was I supposed to say?"
The Scout
walks back and repeats his instructions very patiently. He rehearses the MC,
making him repeat
the lines.
They try again. The Scout stretches the line further than before. He says,
"Ring-Ring". The MC forgets
again.
The Scout
goes through it all again. This time he gets the audience to help by saying the
key phrase, "Let me
have
it!" With a big grin for the audience, he repeats this several times.
This time he
stretches the tube to its limits, turning his back to the MC, bending over, and
holding the tube
over his
shoulder. He looks at the audience. "Ready?" "Ready!"
"Ring-Ring."
The MC looks
at the audience and grins. Now he understands. "Wait. What am I supposed
to say?"
The Scout
frowns at the audience, loses his temper, and calls out, "Let Me Have
It!" The MC lets go.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
Props: Two
sheets of paper.
Scott:
(Enters) Gee, it's always nice to get a letter from home when you're at camp.
Robin:
(Enters) Hey, look, I got a letter from my Mom.
Scott: Me
too. Listen, my Mom says she's writing this letter slowly, because she knows I
can't read fast.
Robin: Mine
says I won't know the house when I come home.. They've moved !
Scott: Oh,
my Dad has a new job with 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the
cemetery.
Robin: Our
neighbors started keeping pigs. Mom got wind of it this morning.
Scott: Oh,
my goodness. My little brother came home from school crying because all the
other boys had new
clothes and
we can't afford any for him. Mom says she got him a new hat and lets him stand
in the window.
Robin: There
was a washing machine in the new house. But my Mom put four shirts in it,
pulled the handle
and they
disappeared. Guess it doesn't work right.
Scott: My
Mom had her appendix out and a dishwasher put in. And, oh, my sister had a baby
this morning.
Mom doesn't
know if I'm an Aunt or and Uncle, because she doesn't know yet if it's a boy or
a girl.
Robin: Oh,
dear, there's a P.S. It says, I was going to send you $ 10.00, but I had
already sealed the
envelope.
Scott: Well,
it's nice to know things are normal at home.
Robin: Yep.
(Both exit)
(With this
skit it is possible to put each boy's script on a sheet of paper, and they can
read it out, as though
they were
reading the letter. They should rehearse, of course, to make it sound natural.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
A
transparent container (i.e. an old vase) and a coin with a string attached. The
container sits on a table with
a cloth over
it. Have two guys start up a conversation where one tries to convince the other
that the container and
coin is a
lie detector. The coin jumps up and down pulled by another person below the
table when somebody tells
the truth.
The second guy doesn't believe the first guy that the vase is a lie detector.
Punch line is that the boy
with the
container and coin says he isn't lying and that he hasn't lied in his whole
life where the table falls over with
the
container revealing the boy underneath.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
First of two
guys: "This is the lighthouse sketch. We need a volunteer from the
audience to be the lighthouse.
Any
volunteers?" (Pick a girl, but don't say you need a girl.) "OK, you
are going to be the lighthouse. I need you to
stand up
straight right here, and don't move. Oh, you're moving! Stand straight and
still."
First guy:
"Now we need to row out and light the lighthouse." The two guys sit
on the floor, pretending to be in
a rowboat.
"Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!" They scoot along backwards to the
lighthouse, like they are rowing a
rowboat.
First guy:
"Now it's time to light the lighthouse. Matches! Matches?"
Second guy,
hitting his forehead: "We forgot the matches!"
Pretend to
row back to shore and get the matches, then row back
First guy:
"Matches? Good. Wick?"
Second guy:
"We forgot the wick!"
Pretend to
row back to shore and get the matches, then row back
First guy:
"We've got the wick now? Good. Matches?
Second guy:
"Um, ..."
First
guy> "You forgot the matches again."
Second guy
nods. Pretend to row back to shore and get the matches, then row back.
First guy:
"Matches."
Second guy:
"Matches."
First guy:
"Wick."
Second guy:
"Wick."
First guy:
"Finally! Now it's time to light the lighthouse!"
Both guys
kiss the girl on the cheeks, then run offstage as fast as they can. Hopefully
the girl will blush,
lighting the
lighthouse.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
Cast:
1 narrator
3-6 Scouts
for the lighthouse walls
3-6 leaders,
counselors, kitchen staff, etc., number to equal the Scouts and will be
'recruited' during the
skit
1
flashlight, or 2 if using 5-6 Scouts
Scouts stand
in a circle, facing out, feet spread 2' - 3' apart but touching feet of Scouts
on each side. The
flashlight
is held at eye level and is passed around the circle. Scouts stand tall and
hold the beacon's beam
steady.
Narrator:
"Many years ago the people of a seaside village built a lighthouse to warn
approaching ships of a
dangerous
shoal near their harbor. It's beacon could be seen for miles, even in fog and
storms. For many
decades, the
lighthouse stood firm and gave safe passage to all who sailed by the village.
But as the years went
by, the
villagers grew old and so did the lighthouse. The villagers could no longer
make repairs, the ocean's
waves wore
away the foundation, the lighthouse started to sag and failed at its
duty."
The Scouts
now stoop, heads lean to the side and bend their knees slightly; the light
'travels' a zig-zag path
around.
Narrator:
"When the schooners and square riggers started to go aground on the
shoals, the old villagers knew
they had to
call in experienced people to help with their problem. People who were pillars
in their own
communities
and who were solid as a rock."
Recruit your
favorite 'I'm gonna get you now' people and instruct them to go down on their
hands an knees
and into the
walls. Leaders are facing in with their derrieres out, and are straddled by the
Scouts who again stand
tall and
give a steady light.
Narrator:
"Now with these new rocks placed into the foundation, the lighthouse once
again shines a bright
beacon and
stands firm in the stormy surf to withstand the pounding of the waves."
Scouts drop
the flashlight and then hand paddle the leaders.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
A group of
scouts are out hunting along with the troop chaplain. The Troop Chaplain says
"Look there goes a
duck."
A Scout using imaginary rifle takes a shot, and missing says something
beginning with Dang. (Dang, I
missed.
Dang, missed again. Dang cant hit anything, etc.)
Each time
the chaplain explains that he is the chaplain and cautions the Scouts for their
language and that
they will
anger the Lord. Finally the chaplain being somewhat put outs says: "If you
use that language once more,
the Lord
will strike you down on the spot!". Repeat the scenario, There is one,
bang, Dang missed again. Then
from outside
of the campfire are is a loud band, One of the Scouts yells look out for the
lightening, and the
chaplain
fall to the ground. A voice from outside the campfire says in a deep voice,
"Dang! Missed Again!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
This skit is
performed on a Hollywood sound stage, you have a director, cameraman and
actors: Doctor,
leading man
and maiden. The man is on his death bed, maiden runs to call for the doctor,
doctor comes and says
he can't
help, with the maiden at his side the man dies in her arms. The maiden sobs on
the doctor shoulder. The
Director
every time stops the movie here and changes the directions: Too slow, too fast,
too sad, too happy,. The
real fun
comes from the actors following the instructions, fast is running and voices
like bees, slow is slow motion,
etc. (when
the man dies slow, it takes forever.) The last direction is do it normal,
everyone performs and the
director is
please, the director instructs them to do it again and says to the cameraman,
now put the film in the
camera!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
A scout
comes out and begins talking about low impact camping and the importance of
preserving nature. As
he walks
around, he sees a piece of litter and picks it up. He complains about the
thoughtlessness of campers
who litter.
Next a scout enters and drops lots of litter in his path. Other scouts rush the
littering scout and beat
him up.
Finally they pick up the littering scout and ask him if he has learn anything
fro this experience? He
answers
painfully: "I learned that every litter bit hurts!" (exit holding
injured parts of body.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
First scout
comes on and says 'Oh no I've lost it' He then starts to search around on the
floor. Second scout
comes in and
asks what he is looking for. First scout replies that he has lost his little
green ball. Both scouts
continue
searching the floor. Several more scouts come on and are told about the lost
little green ball. even
members of
the audience can be persuaded to join in the search. After enough time has been
dragged out, the
first scout,
sticks a finger up his nose and says "Don't worry I will have to make
another one" YUK!!!!!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
One person
goes along a wall listening and listening. Others come along and ask him what
he is doing. He
says
dramatically, "Listen," and the others do. One of them says, "I
don't hear anything", in a disgusted voice.
"LISTEN",
he says more dramatically and they listen some more. Again someone says,
"I don't hear anything."
The original
listener says, "You know," with a faraway look, "its been like
that all day."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
The
instrument consists of several kneeling performers. The player strikes each on
the head with a fake
mallet or
his fist as if playing a xylophone. Each player utters a single note when
struck. Simple songs such as
"Twinkle,
Twinkle, Little Star" can be played this way.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
Two Scouts
enter a fancy seafood restaurant, seated by Host, given menus, they study and
discuss the
menus, etc.
Waiter arrives to take orders. One customer orders shrimp. The second says,
" I'd like a lobster tail,
Please."
Waiter says appropriate things, goes away, returns with a storybook, sits down
near customer two but
faces
audience, and begins to read; "Once upon a time, there was a little
lobster......."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
Cast:
Narrator, two hunters, Melican, Loon, wise man
Setting: Out
in the woods
Narrator:
This is the story of the little-known Melican and two hunters' efforts to
capture it. For instance,
watch.
The Melican,
which has been dancing around during the Narrator's speech, suddenly spots the
two hunters,
who
blunderingly, and unsuccessfully, attempt to catch the Melican. During the next
speech, all actors act
according to
the Narrator's storyline.
Narrator:
Several times our bold hunters attempt to catch this Melican; they use traps,
"Melican" calls, even a
sick loon.
(Every once in a while the actors make appropriate comments.) But all this was
to no avail. Finally,
they
consulted a wise man.
Hunter 1:
Wise man, we have been trying to catch the Melican for quite a while, but
without any success. We
even tried
to lure it with a sick loon, because we'd heard that it was a good idea. What
do you suggest?
Wise man:
(In one of those old, strained, many years-of-experience sage voices,) You have
been going about
it almost in
the right way. But the Melican also needs a sweeter trap!
Hunter 1:
(Bewildered) Uh... Thank you, Wise man! Let's go!
Hunter 2:
What did he mean by a sweeter trap?
Hunter 1: I
don't know. Maybe we should feed our sick loon some sugar!
Hunter 2:
Sugar?
Hunter 1:
Yeah! You know, like sugar cured ham!
Narrator:
And so our brave hunters took a bag of sugar and forced it down the loon's
throat. Ahh ... Watch
now as the
Melican spots our loon.
The Melican
sees the loon and DIVES for it, at which point, the hunters capture the
Melican.
Narrator:
Out brave hunters have finally succeeded in capturing the Melican. Which, dear
audience, leads to
the moral of
this story ... A loonful of sugar helps the Melican go down!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
178. Lost Item around Campfire
First boy
searches the ground around the campfire.
Second boy:
"What are you looking for, maybe I can help you find it.
First boy:
"I dropped my neckerchief slide."
Second boy:
"Where were you standing when you dropped it."
First boy:
"Over there." (He points into the darkness."
Second boy:
"Then why are you looking over there."
First boy:
"Are you kidding? It's too dark over there. You can't see a thing."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
(Small boy
is sitting, crying)
Passer-by
#1: (Enters) What's wrong little boy, why are you crying?
Boy :
(Sobbing) I lost my lollipop !
Passer-by
#1: Have you looked for it ?
Boy :
(Continues to sob) Oh, yes, I've looked under my bed, in my sock drawer, and
even in Charlie's
pocket.
Passer-by
#1: I've heard that chanting often works. You think very hard about the
lollipop until you can see it
in your
mind, and chant 'lollipop' over and over again.
Boy :
(Closing eyes tightly) Big red yummy lollipop, big red yummy lollipop, big red
yummy lollipop.
Passer-by
#1: (Nods approval and strolls out)
Boy :
(Continues chanting for a while, then starts crying again)
Passer-by
#2: (Enters) What's wrong, little boy ?
Boy :
(Sobbing) I lost my lollipop, and I hunted and hunted, then this man told me to
chant, and I did, and
it didn't
work !
Passer-by
#2: Chanted ?
Boy : Yeah,
like this (Demonstrates, then starts to cry)
Passer-by
#2: Don't cry little boy. Maybe we need more help.
Boy : (Turns
to audience) You're my only help to get my lollipop back. Everybody, very
softly now, chant
with me,
"Big red yummy lollipop, big red yummy lollipop, big red yummy
lollipop." (Gets everyone doing it in
unison)
Great ! I think it's working, keep going now.
Passer-by
#1: (Re-enters) Hi little boy. Did it work ?
Boy :
(Loudly) No, it didn't, but I did find a whole lot of suckers !
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
Number of
Participants: 5 or more
Props:
Flashlight
Scene: One
person acts as a lamp post, shining a flashlight on the ground. Another (#1) is
groping around in
the pool of
light.
A third
person enters, sees # 1, and asks: "What are you looking for ?"
# 1: "A
quarter that I lost".
He joins #
1, and helps him search. A fourth and fifth enter and repeat the above scene.
Finally one
of them asks # 1: "Where did you loose the quarter ?"
# 1:
(Pointing away) "Over there:.
Boy:
"Then why are you looking here ?"
# 1:
"Because the light is better over here !"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 161 through 180
Props: Lunch
bags or pails.
Announcer:
We see here a construction site. It is now lunch time, and two friends are
about to eat.
Worker 1:
(Opens lunch bag and looks very disgusted) Yechhhh !! Egg salad sandwiches
again !
Worker 2:
Look, if you hate them that bad, I'll swap with you.
(Both
pretend to eat, then exit.)
Announcer:
The next day.
Worker 1:
(Enters with Worker 2, opens lunch bag and looks very disgusted) Yechhhh !!!
Egg salad
sandwiches
again !
Worker 2:
O.K... I'll trade with you again. (Both pretend to eat, then exit.)
Announcer:
The next day.
Worker 1:
(Enters with Worker 2, opens lunch bag and looks very disgusted) Yechhh !! Egg
salad
sandwiches
again !
Worker 2:
(Angrily) Look, if you don't like egg salad sandwiches, why don't you ask your
(wife/mom/significant
other) to
make something else ?
Worker 1: My
(wife/mom/significant other)?? She's got nothing to do with it. I make my own
sandwiches !
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
The scene is
a bridge where a very depressed reporter is about to jump off (the end of the
stage or a platform
could be the
end of the bridge). The reporter says that he has had it, can't get a big
story, all washed up and
wants to end
it all. He calls out, one, two, swinging his arms when another person shows up
and asks what is
going on. He
tells him his sad story which encourages him to tell him his; they both get
depressed and decide to
jump. They
call out, one, two, and another person shows up. They each tell this person
their sad story and he
decides to
jump to. Once more they call out One, ... Two, ... Three ! All the people jump
except for the reporter
who runs off
saying; "I've got a great story, two people jump off the bridge. Wait
until the boss sees this." A
building
could be used as well as a bridge.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Two guys
come out, one is the magician, one his not so smart assistant. The magician
introduces his act and
sends his
assistant to a table behind him. The magician facing the audience tells
Herkimer to do exactly as he
says. There
is a table by Herkimer which has a bandanna and a banana. The magician asks
Herkimer to pick up
the bandanna
and to perform various actions such as put the bandanna in his right hand, fold
it in half, fold the
four corners
together, stuff it in his left fist and upon one, two, three, it will
disappear. However, Herkimer, picks
up the
banana, not the bandanna and performs these actions. At the end when Herkimer is
supposed to show his
fist, for
the disappearance of the bandanna, he throws the mashed up banana at the
magician instead. The
magician
chases him offstage.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Characters
required, 1 doctor and four patients. Props required, two chairs.
Scene begins
with doctor sitting on one of the chairs.
First
patient enters twitching their left arm.
DOCTOR: 'And
what's wrong with you sir?'
Patient 1:
'As you can see doctor I have this terrible twitch'
DOCTOR:
'Just sit on my magic chair and you'll get better'
The patient
sits on the chair and stops twitching, but the doctor's left arm starts
twitching.
Patient 1:
'Oh thank you doctor. you cured me'
The patient
leaves, the doctor still twitching calls for the next patient.
DOCTOR: '
Next '...... 'And what's wrong with you sir?'
This patient
has the hiccups. The process of sitting in the chair is repeated. The doctor
now has a twitch and
the hiccups.
The third
patient is called in, both his legs keep flicking in the air. The process is
again repeated so that the
doctor now
has a twitching arm the hiccups and both legs flicking in the air.
The doctor
now calls patient four. This patient looks quite normal, enters and sits in the
magic chair.
DOCTOR: 'And
what may I ask is wrong with you sir?'
Patient 4:
'I've got a terrible case of the trots doctor' The doctor runs off the stage
holding his stomach.
Note:
TROTS is English slang for can't stop going to the toilet
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Mamma is
washing dishes, back to baby. Baby says that he wants a drink. "Right in
front of you dear", says
mamma. Baby
picks up green drink. Baby says that he wants Martian Cream Pie, getting real
pushy, aggressive,
and bratty;
throwing the drink on the floor. Baby tells mamma that he spilled his comet
juice. Mamma turns
around
putting out two fake arms telling the baby that she only has four arms.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Need: 3
scouts (2 older scouts and 1 Cub Scout).
(Two Scouts
come on stage carrying a long pole. They prop it up, then stand back and look
at it.)
Scout 1:
Now, there are several ways we can figure out the height of this pole. How do
you want to start?
(The Scouts
unsuccessfully try various methods of estimation to calculate the height of the
pole. The
conversation
goes something like....)
Scout 1:
According to my calculations, that pole is about 2 m high.
Scout 2:
There's no way. It has got to be shorter than that. Just look at it.
(This kind
of exchange repeats several times as the Scouts obviously become more and more
exasperated.
A Cub
strolls onto the stage.)
Cub: Hi! (he
watches a bit) What are you guys trying to do?
Scout 2:
We're trying to measure the exact height of this pole.
Scout 1: We
haven't had too much luck, yet, but we'll get it.
Cub: Why
don't you just lay the pole on the ground and measure its length?
Scout 1:
(scornfully) Cubs!
Scout 2:
I'll say. (To the Cub) Didn't you hear right? We want to know how tall the pole
is - not how long it is
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Setting is
the office of a famous psychiatrist. He is seated behind a table. Nurse brings
in a patient with a
flowerpot on
his head. Another patient enters and runs around, waving his arms as if flying.
Next patient keeps
brushing his
clothes and complains about bugs crawling on him. Doctor says: "For
heaven's sake, don't brush
them off on
me.!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Sergeant is
drilling a group of uniformed men, who are a pretty sloppy lot - shoestrings
untied, shirt tails out,
collars
unbuttoned, hats at odd angles etc. Sergeant drills in a march, but they go in
the wrong directions, trip
while
turning, and so on. Finally, he has of the group marching left and the other
half marching right. He instructs
them to
reverse direction and turn and march toward each other. Instead of passing
between each other, they
meet head on
and all fall down. Sergeant weeps bitterly into a large handkerchief, steps
among the prostrate
bodies and
pretends to jump up and down on them.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Fasten a
shirt backwards around the first person's neck, leaving the sleeves empty. Have
a second person
stand behind
the first and put his arms through the shirt sleeves. A sheet is held by two
others behind the head of
the singer
hiding the second person. As the first person sings, the second person gestures
with his hands. This
can be done
with more than one singer. Variation 1: Instead of singing have the second
person trying to do
various
ordinary acts such eating from a bowl, tying shoes, cooking such as cracking
eggs (on the narrator as one
possibility)
etc.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Child is
told to clean room. The child hates to clean his room so he gets out his book
of magic spells and use
one to clean
the room. Unfortunately, the room gets worse with clothes etc. thrown in from
offstage. This
happens
again twice. The child decides he might as well clean up this mess and proceeds
to do so. When the
room is
finally clean, the child is ready to throw the magic book in the garbage. The
child talking to himself says,
"Enough
of this Hocus Pocus". More stuff flies in. The child moans not again !
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Sometimes
the loser loses, no matter what he tries.
A small tent
is set up on stage. It should be easy to collapse, and probably should not be
your best tent; it
gets
collapsed by the weight of several Scouts.
Two Scouts
walk on stage together. They call each other "Master" and
"Slave" as they discuss the trip they
are taking.
They notice that it is getting dark, and decide to spend the night. The Master
announces that he will
sleep in the
tent. As he climbs into the tent, the Slave starts to come in also. The Master
tells him that there is
only room
for one person, and that the Slave must sleep outside. The Slave protests
weakly, looks disgusted, and
eventually
lies down on the ground. They go to sleep.
A gang of
motorcyclists roars onto the far end of the stage, making motorcycle noises and
pretending that they
are riding.
They stop, discover and point at the sleeping Slave, and discuss among
themselves, "Let's get him!"
They rush
across the stage and beat up the Slave, who screams and calls for help. The
gang rushes away, "Let's
get out of
here!"
The Slave
rushes to the Master's tent and wakes him. He tells excitedly about the attack,
and begs to sleep in
the tent.
The Master refuses to believe him, accuses him of inventing the story, and
sends him back to sleep
outside.
Again they go to sleep.
The
motorcycle gang reappears, and repeats the scene. The Slave is terrorized and
insists on sleeping in the
tent. He
gets down on his knees and pleads. The Master is angry, and calls him a coward.
Just to show the
Slave that
there is nothing to fear, the Master decides that he will stay outside and the
Slave will sleep in the tent.
The
motorcycle gang appears again, and confers at some length. They decide,
"This time, let's get the guy in
the
tent!" They knock the tent down and fall on the Slave - again.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
The
Motorcycle Dealer introduces himself and his shop. He stocks many types of
motorcycles, and they are
all in
excellent condition. In fact, he will demonstrate how good they are by making a
sale to the next customer
who walks in
the door.
First, of
course, he needs some volunteers from the audience. Three are selected, and
each is briefed quickly
as he comes
to the front. (Choose scapegoats who have characteristics similar to the
motorcycle they will
represent.)
The first is to go slowly when started. The second will go very fast, almost
losing its rider. The third
should not
go anywhere. They are lined up on their hands and knees facing the crowd.
"Now," says the Dealer,
"You
can see what fine motorcycles I have."
A Scout
walks in and asks if he has any motorcycles for sale. Of course, the Dealer is
eager to show his
stock.
This first
one is a Smith (use the victim's name). It's only 200 cc's, but a nice little
machine. The Dealer
makes his
sales pitch and invites the Buyer to go for a ride. The Buyer straddles the
Smith, raises himself up and
mimics using
the kick starter. The Buyer makes motorcycle noises, not very energetically. He
'rides' (actually
straddles
and walks) the Smith around in a slow circle, returning to the starting point.
"That's too slow," says the
Buyer,
"Do you have anything more powerful?"
The next
motorcycle is a 1000 cc Yablonski. Again the Buyer climbs aboard and operates
the kick starter.
The
Yablonski roars to life and races around in a circle. The Buyer can barely hold
on. "That's too fast! I could kill
myself on
that one!"
The Dealer
says he thinks he has just the right one, a Jones that he recently received on
trade-in. It's in good
condition
and has about the right power. The Buyer climbs on and tries to start. He makes
sputtering noises.
After
several trials, he complains that something just isn't right because the Jones
won't start. He gets off and
stands
looking at the motorcycle.
The Dealer
yells angrily to Joe, who is offstage, "Joe! I thought I told you to put
gas in the Jones!"
Joe replies,
"Sorry Boss! I'll do it right now!" Joe enters quickly with a bucket
or gas can and pours water onto
the rear end
of the Jones.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Announce him
as Mr. Kerplunk the world renown spitter. He could be French, German, etc. with
the
appropriate
accent. He says he will demonstrate several of his famous spits for the group.
An assistant holds a
bucket
across the stage for Mr. Kerplunk to spit into (tap on the bottom of the bucket
to create the special effect).
Here are
some examples of spits to use but be creative in creating your own:
1) Short
Shot: He spits; sound effect comes immediately.
2) Ricochet
Shot: He spits for a side wall (tree etc. if outside) and watches it bounce
around before it hits
the bucket.
3) Long
Shot: He spits and follows the long arc with his head; sound made after a long
pause.
4) Fast
Shot: Sound effect is made before he spits.
5) Super
Shot: Advertised as the most famous. Spends a minute getting mouth full of
spit, checks bulge out
and finally
spits. Guy in front stands up and wipes water or raw egg from eye.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
The
announcer makes a flowery introduction about how fortunate the audience is to
have the opportunity to
hear the
splendid vocal group about to perform. After the introduction, the group
marches onto stage and lines up
across the
front. The announcer states that their first number will be that appealing
ballad "The Little Lost Sheep".
Following a
short musical introduction, singers open their mouths and produce a long, loud
"Baa-a-a".
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
195. Musical Toilet Seat Salesman
A scout is a
door to door salesman, selling Musical Toilet Seats: If you have some cardboard
make props like
toilet
seats. Salesman approaches each home knocks on the door and sells the seat:
Salesman:
"Good morning sir, I like to show you the newest thing in electronic
technology. My company has
developed
the new musical toilet seat. Would you be interested in buying this modern day
marvel?" (ham this up,
plead beg,
etc. be a door to door salesman) Customer 1: "Do you have one that plays
Dixie?" Customer 2 asked
for
"Eat the Rich" . Customer 3 asked for "Star Spangled Banner"
Salesman, I sure do, Here it is, I hope you like
it. I'll
come back tomorrow to make sure you are satisfied."
The next day
the Salesman goes back and asked of each customer: How did you like the musical
toilet seat.?
Customer 1:
"It was great, it played Dixie and I sat there with a bucket of fried
chicken enjoying each note.
Customer 2:
"It was great. I listened and read a copy of the Rolling Stone
magazine." Customer 3: "I hated it, It
just did not
work out.
Salesman
responds to Customer 3: "we have never had an unsatisfied customer, what
went wrong?
Customer 3:
" It's that music. "Every time I sit down on the toilet, it starts
playing the Star Spangled Banner and I
have to
stand up again!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Norbert is
an unusual young Scout who is very proud of being self-sufficient, and likes to
tell us about his
ability. He
is a little uncoordinated, much to the delight of the audience.
This skit is
best presented indoors with a relatively small audience, so Norbert's
demonstration is appreciated
up close.
The skit is best if not rehearsed.
Preparation
Norbert is
two people. One is seen by the audience from the waist up. His hands are
inserted into a large pair
of boots
that are propped up on the table. He has a blanket-covered hunch back, which
conceals the second
Scout. The
second Scout reaches his hands under the arms of the first; these are Norbert's
hands. The visible
Norbert
should be a Scout who likes to talk and can keep a happy outlook in the face of
some physical discomfort.
Collect all
materials in advance, and plan the order in which they will be used. Encourage
the Scouts to
suggest
ideas, but do not plan too many activities. The skit should not run more than
10 minutes at the most. A
plastic
sheet on the floor will help with the cleanup.
The Skit
The curtain
opens, and Norbert is seated behind a table. The table is draped with a blanket
or sheet so that
the audience
cannot see behind it.
Norbert
introduces himself, gesturing with his hands. He knows that he looks a little
strange, but he is a very
capable and
independent Boy Scout. He is very proud that he knows how to take care of
himself. Norbert would
like to show
us how he gets up in the morning. As he demonstrates, he talks about what he is
doing.
"First,
I wash my face." A Scout brings a basin of water and a washcloth. He washes,
getting water over a
wide area.
"Then,
I shave." Applies shaving cream and shaves. (Use a safety razor without a
blade!)
Because the
person operating his hands cannot see, the results are, well, interesting. He
washes off the soap
and dries
his face on a towel.
Norbert then
puts toothpaste on his toothbrush and brushes his teeth. He brushes his hair.
Once he has
cleaned up and the washing materials have been removed, it is time for
breakfast -- a good big
bowl of
oatmeal, which he eats with a large spoon. He uses a big napkin to wipe his
face. "Umm, that was good!"
Now he is
ready to face the day. All he needs is his hat, a knitted cap.
Norbert
thanks all the nice people for coming to see him. He hopes they have enjoyed
their visit!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
The narrator
walks to the center of the stage and says that he would now like to present for
his audience, that
historical
event, Napoleon's last farewell to his troops, after his defeat at the battle
of waterloo. He builds up the
atmosphere,
by asking his audience to imagine these thousands of soldiers, weary from days
of fighting etc.
When this
has been built up enough, the narrator sticks his right hand, under the left
breast of his jacket, walks
forward and
says " FAREWELL TROOPS".
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Cast:
Leader, 3 or 4 Kids
Setting:
Meeting Hall
Leader:
Boys, they're having a contest to redesign the World Conservation
Badge. So
you guys should try to come up with some ideas.
Kids: Sure
thing, Akela.
After a
pause, #1 comes in.
#1: Here's
an idea, Akela.
Leader:
Hmm... not bad. But isn't that too dull?
#2: Akela!
Look at this!
Leader:
Really nice, but the design is too complicated for the badgemakers to put on a
badge.
#3: I have a
really good one, Akela!
Leader: Very
good. But I think it's too big.
#4: This is
it Akela! It's sure to be a winner!
Leader: This
is perfect! It's bright enough, simple to make, and the right size. Where did
you come up with
this idea?
#4: It's a
copy of the old badge!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Version
1:
Cast:
Salesman, Buyer, 5 People to be Tires, Victim
Setting: Car
Showroom
4 of the
tires are crouched in "tire" formation as on a car. The fifth is the
spare tire at the back.
Salesman:
Here, Sir, is our latest and best model. It also has an unbelievably low price.
Let me show you the
quality. (He
"kicks" one of the tires -- tire falls flat and makes a hissing
sound.) My, I'm so embarrassed. (He
"kicks"
another tire -- same thing happens. Start hamming it up, interacting more and
talking with the buyer,
apologizing
profusely and being very embarrassed. Salesman successively kicks each tire
until all 5 are kicked.
Finally,)
Salesman:
Hold on, let me get one of my men from the back. (Get your victim) Do you think
you can fix
these flats?
(Instructs him to lift up each tire and so on, and each one rises to original
position.) Well, I guess all
that was
needed was a nut to hold it up!
Version
2:
Cast:
Salesman, Buyer, 4 people to be bicycles, Victim
The five
"bicycles" are in doggy position.
Salesman:
Here, Sir, is our most popular model. It also has an unbelievably low price.
Try it.
Buyer: OK --
(tries it) -- no, it's not the right size.
Salesman:
Then try this one. It's go 25 gears and goes really fast.
Buyer: No, I
don't need that many.
Salesman:
All right, try this one.
Buyer: I
don't quite like the color.
Salesman:
This one is a great mountain bike; great reports from everyone.
Buyer:
Hmmm... OK. Hey! I really like this!
All of a
sudden the mountain bike collapses -- falls down.
Salesman:
My, I'm so embarrassed. Are you sure you wouldn't like to purchase one of the
other bicycles?
They're very
good.
Buyer: Not
really. I really liked this last one.
Salesman:
Hold on, let me get one of my men from the back. (Get your victim.) Do you
think you can fix this
bike?
(Instructs him to lift up the bike and pull this, tighten that.) Now Sir, try
it.
Buyer: Hey!
This is great! You've just sold this bike! What did your technician do?
Salesman:
Well, I guess all that was needed was a nut to hold it up!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Announcer:
This scene takes place in a hardware store in a small north woods lumber town.
Lumberjack:
(Enters) My old crosscut saw is worn out, and I need something that will let me
cut more wood,
or I'm going
to go broke !
Owner : Yes,
sir ! For only one hundred bucks you can be the proud owner of this chain saw.
I guarantee
that it will
cut twice as much wood in a day as your own crosscut.
Lumberjack:
(Handing over money) O.K. great ! (Exits)
Announcer:
The next day.
Lumberjack:
(Enters tiredly) There's something wrong with this saw. I worked very hard
yesterday, and only
cut half as
much wood.
Owner :
Well, sir, I have a lot of faith in this product. Here, I'll put a new chain on
it and you give it another
try.
Lumberjack:
O.K., but if it doesn't do any better, I'll be back ! (Exits)
Announcer:
The next day.
Lumberjack:
(Enters exhausted) This darned saw is no good. I worked even harder, and still
it won't cut half
the wood of
my old saw ! I want my money back !
Owner : Yes,
sir ! Just let me check it out here. (Pulls starter rope)
Announcer:
(Makes sound effects of saw running.)
Lumberjack:
Oh, my gosh ! What on earth is all that noise ?
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 181 through 200
Cast:
Reporter, Editor, toy gun
Setting:
Newsroom
Editor:
Okay, you're new on the job, so I'll give you a tip. You have to go and get a
current story. Something
new.
Reporter:
Right, boss. Great news.
Goes out,
comes running back in.
Reporter:
Boss! Boss! Two weeks ago John Doe died falling into a manhole!
Editor:
That's old news. I told you, something more recent.
Reporter:
Fine, boss. Something newer.
Goes out,
comes running back in.
Reporter:
Boss! Boss! A week ago there was fire downtown!
Editor: (A
little annoyed.) That's still old news. Something even more recent.
Goes out,
comes running back in.
Reporter:
Boss! Boss! A car wreck two days ago!
Editor:
(Annoyed) No good! Too old! Something new! That's why they call it news!
Goes out,
comes running back in.
Reporter:
Boss! Boss! Editor of a major newspaper got shot today!
Editor:
(Interested) Oh really? Who?
Reporter:
You! (Shoots him with toy gun, and the editor falls to the ground.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
Setting:
Rocket pilot in cockpit on one side of stage. Ground control with computer on
other side.
Rocket
Pilot: Mayday! Mayday! Engine on fire. Mayday!
Ground
control: We read you. Hang in there. We're going to try and lock in on you with
our computer.
Rocket
Pilot: Well, hurry up! I can't hold on much longer. I'm surrounded by flames.
Ground
Control: O.K. This is critical. Before you eject -- state your height and
position.
Rocket
Pilot: Oh, I'm about 5 foot 6, and I'm sitting down. Bye! (Pretends to push
eject button and jumps out
of cockpit.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
Cast: Person
with nosebleed, 3 Pedestrians, 4th Pedestrian
Setting:
City Street
Nosebleed
person is looking down at the ground. #1 comes in and looks around, then down,
and mumbles,
#1: Hmm,
what's going down, man? (No answer.)
#2 walks in,
does the same thing, as does #3. #4 walks in, looks up for a moment, then asks,
#4: What are
you guys doing?
Nosebleed: I
don't know what these guys are doing, but I've got a nosebleed!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
Scout #1 Oh,
no!
Scout #2
What's the matter?
Scout #1
whispers to Scout #2. No one hears them.
Scout #2 Oh,
no!
Scout #3
What's the matter?
Scout #2
whispers to Scout #3. No one hears them. This continues down the line.
Second to
last Scout, to last Scout Oh, no!
Last Scout
What's the matter?
Second to
last Scout (Whispers loud enough for everyone to hear) We don't have a skit!
Everyone
exits
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
Center stage
is a lad fishing from a can or bucket, he keeps pulling the rod as though he
has something on
the line. A
passer by looks at him as he walks by and then walks on, after a few steps the
passer by comes back
to the lad
and asks "What are you doing there ?" Scout "I'm fishing, what
does it look as though I'm doing?"
Passer by:
"Fishing eh!, what are you fishing for." Scout: "I'm fishing for
suckers." Passer by: "Have you caught
any?"
Scout "Yes you're the third today!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
The scene is
an emergency room at a hospital. The nurse is totally self absorbed, combing
hair, looking in
mirror etc.
Whether you have a male nurse or a boy dressed up like a girl is up to you. A
guy runs in, a skier with
a pole stuck
in his stomach (a branch could be used also for a hiker). He is screaming in
agony. the nurse insists
that she
must ask him some questions before anything can be done. The patient screams
that he is losing blood.
The nurse
continues asking questions such as where he lives, past illnesses, type of
house, how he got there etc.
A phone
rings and a Dr. Killjoy asks the nurse out to lunch. The nurse runs off leaving
the wounded man writhing
on the
floor. A stupid looking janitor with a broom wanders by and pulls the pole out.
The patient stands up, says
thanks and
leaves.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
Players are
pretending that they are riding a bus. There is a bus driver and several
passengers. Every time
the bus
stops, the passengers holds their nose, coughs, etc. looking at a specific
passenger as they get off the
bus. The bus
driver complains to the offensive passenger that he is driving everyone off his
bus. The passenger
says that it
isn't his fault. The driver accuses him of a peculiar smell and asks if he has
taken a bath, washed his
shirt,
socks, feet, etc. The passenger claims that he has. Irritated the passenger
pulls a pair of dirty, smelly,
socks out of
his back pocket, as proof.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
A guru with
a turban on his head comes out and sits down in the middle of the stage.
Members of the
audience are
solicited to help bring back the ancient spirits who once inhabited the area.
All are asked to kneel
and with
arms out-stretched, they are told to repeat the magic phrase after the guru.
When ever this phrase brings
enlightenment,
they may return to the their seat in the audience. All sit kneeling near the
guru repeating the guru's
actions and
words. The guru moves his arms and chants "Oh ... Wa ... Ta ... Goo ...
Siam ..." All chant with him.
Keep it up
for a long while increasing the speed of the saying. Eventually everyone
catches onto the fact that they
are really
saying, "Oh, what a goose I am."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
This skit is
entirely silent.
The first
person comes in, chewing gum. He blows a big bubble, it pops, he scrapes it off
his face. He wads
up his gum,
throws it over his shoulder, and walks offstage.
Second
person walks in. Halfway across stage, they stop. They've stepped in gum, it's
all over their shoe.
They make a
face, pick the gum off their shoe, wad it up, and throw it over their shoulder.
Third person
is a jogger. The gum lands in their hair. They pull the gooey gum out of their
hair, it's really
stuck in
there, eventually they pull most of it out, wad it up, and throw it over their
shoulder.
Fourth guy
is walking his dog and stretching. The gum lands in his armpit. He pulls the
gooey gum out from
his armpit,
wads it up, throws it on the ground. His dog pees on it.
The first
guy comes back in. He bends over, picks up the gum, sniffs it, tosses it back
in his mouth and starts
chewing. He
walks offstage.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
Run through
a short movie scene. Use jerky motions, flashlight flicker, etc. Just as the
scene is about to end,
the narrator
says, "Oh no! Something's wrong; it's going backwards!" Then run
through the whole scene
backwards.
Keep the scene short to only a minute or two.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
A group of
scouts approach a scout and smell a foul odor. After some carrying on, the
scouts determine it
smells like
old socks. One scouts says: "Good Grief, when is that last time you washed
your socks? The Scout
replies:
"1959". The other scout says" "goodness, you mean you have
not washed your socks in 35 years!" The
Scout says
" what are you talking about?" The other scout says: "You said
you hadn't washed you socks since
1959".
The Scout with a big grin says: "well what the big deal its only 2100
hours now!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
Cast:
Storyteller, Person with Flashlight, 4 "Girders" who are
collaborators, 4Victims
Person with
flashlight is the lighthouse -- he holds it on his head and turns around so the
light turns around to
act like a
lighthouse -- also, he occasionally booms out a foghorn.
Storyteller:
There once was this lighthouse that did a very fine job of being a lighthouse.
It turned around all
the time and
gave a nice beam of light. It even had a foghorn in it. (Foghorn....) So it was
a very fine lighthouse
indeed. But
after many years of fine service and many more storms, it began to be a little
shaky in the wind.
(Lighthouse
begins to wobble.) So what the authorities did was to put in four girders to
support the lighthouse so
that it
would give many more years of fine service. (Bring in your girders and place
them around the lighthouse,
facing
outwards and bent over on a 45 degree angle, with arms stretched out. Lighthouse
promptly becomes
straight
again, still continuing to turn.) And it indeed did do that. It stood straight
for many long years until again
storms
caused it to be shaky in the wind. (Wobbles again.) So the port authorities
again tried to get the
lighthouse
to become straight again. They figured boulders around the bottoms of the
girders would do a great
job, so they
placed boulders there. (Place your victims in a crouching position, facing in
toward the lighthouse,
underneath
the outstretched arms of the girders.) And once more, the lighthouse was
straight. And it remained
so for many,
many years. During the first storm the lighthouse had to endure after the
boulders were placed, the
authorities
watched to make sure that the lighthouse survived. They saw the rain coming
close; they heard the
wind; the
water began to rise; and the waves came crashing in on the boulders (Girders
start hitting the boulders'
behinds.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
Have den
line up on stage. One scout steps forward and announces that this is the first
international
exhibition
of a new Olympic event. This is the cue for the rest of the scouts to grin as
wide as possible. The
narrator
announces that this was the Standing Broad Grin.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
Have a huge
wag of chewing gum (or homemade modeling clay), green and black, lying on a
plate in the
middle of a
table on the stage. First boy walks in, looks at the table and comments on how
gross the bug is.
Other boys
come in one at a time commenting on how terrible the bug looks, that someone
needs to step on it, not
sure if it's
dead etc. The last boy comes in asking if anyone has seen his gum, sees the gum
on the plate and tells
the other
boys never mind picks up the gum and pretends to put it in his mouth and walks
away. The other boys
comment on
how disgusting and sickening that was.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
By setting
up a white sheet and using a light behind it, a hospital operation can be
silhouetted onto the sheet,
which is set
up like a screen. Ham it up with humorous dialogue, occasionally throwing a
peeled tomato or a piece
of raw liver
or spurt of ketchup out to the audience. A good creative imagination would be
an asset here.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
216. The Outhouse in the Yangtze River
You need: A
boy to be the Chinese father, and three or four more boys to be his children.
The father
starts out alone and calls his children to come to him. He is very angry. They
all line up behind
him.
Father:
"As you know, someone has pushed the outhouse into the river. (To first
son) Was it you?"
First Son:
"No Father!"
Father: (To
second son) "Did you push the outhouse into the river?"
Second son:
"No Father!" He asks all of them, and they all say no.
Father:
"In America, George Washington chopped down his Father's cherry tree. He
told his Father 'I can not
tell a lie'.
When his Father heard this, he did not punish him, but he honored him for
telling the truth." Now can
someone tell
me who did this?"
Second son:
"I cannot tell a lie either Father. It was me!"
Father:
"Why you little!" He runs up and starts strangling his son. Other
sons try to keep him off.
Second son:
Father! Why are you punishing me when I told you the truth? You said George
Washington did
not get
punished!."
Father:
"George Washington's Father was not in the tree!!"
All exit
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
Back in the “Old
West” a father lines up his three sons. "One of you pushed our
outhouse over the cliff two
nights ago.
Which one of you did it?" "Not me" "Not me!" "Not
me!!!"
"Come
on, I promise not to punish you. Who did it?"
"Not
me!" "Not me!" "Not me!"
"Let me
tell you a story of our great American hero, George Washington. When he was a
boy, he chopped
down a
cherry tree. His father came to him and asked, 'George, did you chop down that
cherry tree?' 'I cannot tell
a lie,
father, I chopped down the cherry tree,' said little George. 'You should not
have done that, but since you told
the truth, I
will not punish you.' And George Washington grew up to be President of the
United States!"
"Now I
ask you. Who pushed our outhouse over the cliff?"
"Not
me!" "Not me!" "I cannot tell a lie, father, I pushed the
outhouse over the cliff."
"!@#$%!!!"
(The father whips the son who pushed the outhouse over the cliff.)
"Why
did you whip me, Father? When George Washington told the truth, his father did
not punish him!"
"George
Washington's father wasn't IN the tree when George Washington chopped it
down!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
This is set
in the western era in the 1800's. Characters:
An Out Law,
Partner, swinging doors (that squeak when opened), One person playing Wife of
the Out Law, the
Son of the
Out Law, Camera person, Very Outgoing Director with German accent.
ANY
MISSPELLINGS ARE INTENTIONAL, THIS IS HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE PRONOUNCED
Director:
Pleses (Places), Pleses, evedybody. Now do we haave thees down?(Be creative)
(Every one
nods)
Director:
Aaalrright aand aaction.
Out Law: Say
there pardner, got a match.
Pardner:
Yep.
Out Law: Can
I have it.
Pardner:
Nope.
Out Law: I
think I'm gonna take it, what are YOU gonna do about it.
Pardner:
I'ma gonna shootcha. (quickly pulls out gun and fires)
Out Law:
(Falls to ground)
Son: Daddy,
daddy. (Huddling over Out Law)
Wife: OH! MY
POOR HUSBAND! (Huddling over Out Law)
Director:
(in a perturbed and angry voice) Cuuuuuuuuuuut! Thaat was terrible, were do we
get these aactors.
Let's do it
again, do eet slowwwwer / faaster / like an opra. (CHANGE WORDING AROUND EACH
TIME, it will
sound
repetitive if you don't)
(look of
question in faces)
(repeat
slower)
(repeat
really fast)
(repeat like
opra)
The End
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
The Senior
patrol leader arrives with his troop and begins to admire the view from the top
of the cliff, upon
which they
are standing. He begins to organize things and asked for various items such as
food, saw, matches,
water, etc.
Each time another scout says begins to look in his pack and tells the SPL that
he either left the item at
the car or
lost it on the trail. The SPL get more angry with each answer. He finally asked
who brought the tent. At
last a scout
says he did. The SPL says "Finally, no food, water, matches, or saw, but
at least we have a tent.
Okay pitch
the tent." The Scout says :"But... but" The SPL screams 'I said
Pitch The Tent! The Scout throws the
tent over
the edge of the cliff!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
Cast: The
Scout Master, Assistant Scout Master, The Eagle Scout, The Life Scout, The
Tenderfoot, and the
Monster.
Setting: A
plague has taken over the Camp. A monster is lurking a nearby forest known as
"Dark Forest"
home of the
monster: "Yellow Fingers". The only hope is to obtain a magic potion
from the old sorceress.
Scout
Master: Eagle Scout, our Camp is in ruins. The plague is killing everything in
out camp. The Experts
give us no
hope. The only way to save our camp is to obtain the magic potion from the old
sorceress, who lives in
the nearby
Dark Forest. However, beware of the monster Yellow Fingers, who if he catches
you in the Dark
Forest will
squeeze you to death.
Eagle Scout:
Yes, Sir, I will go, anything to save the camp and for Scouts everywhere.
(The Eagle
Scout leaves and you hear a struggle and a deathlike scream)
Scout
Master: The Eagle Scout has failed. Life Scout, you must slay Yellow Fingers
and save the Camp.
Life Scout:
Yes, Sir, I will go and save our Camp, I am prepared.
(The Life
Scout leaves and you hear a struggle and a deathlike scream)
Scout
Master: Call for my Star Scout, He must save the camp.
Star Scout:
(acting afraid) Oh, my Scout Master, I don't think I have the training or skill
to go into the Dark
Forest,
Isn't there anyone else?
(The Star
Scout leaves and you hear a struggle and a deathlike scream)
Scout
Master: My Eagle Scout, my Life Scout and my Star Scout have all
failed, Now
who shall do battle?
The Page: I
will. I will do it for my Scout Master and the Camp.
Scout
Master: But you are only a page. You have ONLY earned your TENDERFOOT. You
cannot believe
that you
have the skills to travel through the Dark Forest.
The Page:
Send me Sir, I shall kill the beast.
(The page
leaves and you hear a struggle and the page returns)
The Page:
Yellow Fingers is dead. Here is your magic potion to save the camp.
Scout
Master: Page, how is it that my Eagle, Life and Star Scouts all failed, but
you, a mere tenderfoot has
saved the
camp?
The Page:
Its very simple -- From now on let your pages do the walking through the Yellow
Fingers."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 201 through 220
In the
middle of the singing a person wearing two coats, holding a paint bucket, paint
brush, and a step ladder
pushes
through the crowd. He excuses himself saying he is a painter and needs to do
the next room. The leader
asks him why
he is dressed for winter. The painter replies that he was told to paint the
room with two coats.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Two Scouts
are walking along when they spot some interesting tracks.
Scout One -
"Hey!! Look animal tracks! I wonder what kind of tracks are those?"
Scout Two -
" They look like cat tracks, big cat tracks. Let's take a closer
look."
Scout One -
"Gee... you don't suppose these are Mountain Lion tracks, do you?
Scout Two -
Down on hands and knees examining the tracks with a magnifying glass, looks up
and proclaims
with certainty;
"No, these are definitely Panther tracks; absolutely no doubt about
it".
Scout One -
"How can you tell? They just look like big cat tracks to me".
Scout Two -
"Its easy, you just need to be observant, look closely at the bottom of
this track over here; see,
there is an
ant squished at the bottom. And there is one in this track over here too. The
animal that made these
tracks was
purposely stepping on ants as he walked."
Scout One -
"OK I'll buy that, its a big cat that likes to squish ants, but I still
don't see how you can be so sure
that it was
a Panther?
Scout Two -
"Why its easy, Just look at this strange pattern; (scout pointing to each
track in turn) Dead Ant,
Dead Ant,
Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Dead Dead Ant, ....."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Two scouts
"on stage" First Scout showing the other a backpack.
First Scout:
This is our top of the line parachute, guaranteed to work.
Second
Scout: What is this cord for?
First Scout:
That's the rip cord, you pull that and the parachute opens.
Second
Scout: What's this other cord for?
First Scout:
That's the reserve chute, if the first one fails to open you pull that cord and
the reserve chute
opens.
Second
Scout: What if that one fails to open.
First Scout:
Bring it back and we'll give you another one, no charge.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Cast:
Warehouse Person, Store Manager, 5 Customers, Two Victims, Broomstick
Setting:
Party Supplies Store
Get two
victims to hold, at each end, the broomstick -- this will be your manager's store
counter.
Customer #1:
Hi! I'd like to buy some balloons for my daughter's birthday party.
Manager: Of
course, Sir. Let me check with the back. (Calling to back of warehouse.) Do we
have any
balloons?
Warehouse:
(Calling from back -- an accent works well, or he's hard of hearing.) Let me
check. (Pause) No!
No balloons!
Manager:
Gee, I'm sorry, Sir. Thank you for stopping by!
Continue
with each customer trying to get cakes, party favors, "Just the bottom of
the line, no frills birthday
party
supplies," candies, games for the little darlings, hats, and so on. Each
time, the Manager calls back, the
warehouse
person responds that he'll check, says no, and the manager apologizes. Finally,
Last
Customer: I've been waiting in line here for a while and I've noticed that you
don't have anything that
anybody
wants. What do you have for parties?
Manager:
(Slowly looks at each of the victims, considering each.) Well, I do have two
suckers on a stick!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
As per
usual with repetition skits, the more actors the merrier up to about 6 or7.
Setting:
Family Sitting at the Dinner Table, talking in a very thick Southern Drawl.
Ma: Pass the
Peppa, Pa.
(Goes down
the line to Pa, who responds)
Pa: Here's
the Black Peppa, Ma.
(Goes down
the line to Ma, who responds)
Ma: No, not
the Black Peppa, Pa.
(Goes down
the line to Pa, who responds)
Pa: Oh.
Here's the Chili Peppa, Ma.
This goes on
through different kinds of Peppa ie. Banana Peppa, Jalepeno Peppa, Red Peppa,
Green Peppa,
and so on
until,
Ma: Can't
you pass the toilet Peppa, Pa?
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
226. Patience, Jackass, Patience!
You can ham
this up a bit, but here's the gist of it. Two scouts enter (one on all fours if
conditions allow) and
move across
stage as the skit proceeds. One is the mule and the other is the driver. A
narrator stands just
offstage.
Narrator:
"In the heat of the Mojave Desert, the mule driver pushes his beast toward
town. Day one."
Mule:
"Water, master, water!"
Driver:
"Patience, Jackass, Patience!"
Narrator:
"Still they drive on relentlessly. The second day. . ."
Mule:
"Water, master, water!"
Driver:
"Patience, Jackass, Patience!"
Narrator:
"Without mercy, they push to their goal. The third day. . ."
Mule:
"Water, master, water!"
Driver:
"Patience, Jackass, Patience!"
Narrator:
"Still far from town, they go on. The fifth day. . ."
Voice
offstage: "What happened to the fourth day?"
Driver:
"Patience, Jackass, Patience!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Version
1:
Cast:
policeman; three boys; police chief. (Policeman hustles scuffed looking boy up
to boy sitting at the table
marked
CHIEF.)
Policeman:
Here's a bunch of trouble- makers for you, sir.
Chief: O.K.
constable. I'll deal with this. (dismisses officer, turns sternly to Boy 1.)
Well, now. Why are you
here?
Boy 1:
(embarrassed) I threw peanuts into the lake. (Chief looks puzzled)
Chief:(sternly
to Boy 2 ) Any why, then, were you brought in??
Boy 2:
(defensively) I threw peanuts into the lake. (Chief scowls angrily)
Chief:
(Bellows at Boy 3) And you! What have you got to say for yourself?
Boy 3: I'm
Peanuts, Sir! (All exit)
Version
2:
Cast: Judge,
Bailiff, 3 (or more) Scruffy Guys, Peanuts (person)
Setting:
Courthouse
Judge: Order
in the court! Order in the court! Bring in the first case!
Bailiff
brings in a scruffy guy.
Judge:
What's your problem?
#1: Duh, I
like to throw Peanuts against walls! Hic!
Judge: 30
days psychiatric treatment! Next!
Bailiff
brings in two more such characters, one likes to throw Peanuts out the window,
into a lake, likes to hit
Peanuts with
a hammer and so on. Judge responds the same way and becomes increasingly bored,
saying "Oh,
not
another," "Why do they send me all the loonies," and so on.
Finally the bailiff brings in the last, really scruffy,
bloodied,
shirt torn, no shoes, so on.
Judge:
What's your problem? (Sigh....)
Peanuts: I'm
Peanuts! (Passes out.)
Version
3:
Cast: Narrator,
3 Scruffy guys, Curious Person, Peanuts
Setting:
Building Roof
Narrator
explains that these four guys are on the top of a building and looking over the
edge.
Curious
person: What are you guys looking at?
#1: I threw
Peanuts over the edge of the building.
#2: I threw
Peanuts over the edge of the building.
#3: I threw
Peanuts over the edge of the building.
"Peanuts"
comes crawling up to the top of the building.
Curious
person: Who are you?
Peanuts: I'm
Peanuts! (Passes out.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Each
person has a handful of peanuts hidden away (except girl's peanuts which are
visible), perhaps in
campfire
blanket pocket. All family members are present on the stage.
Cast: Girl,
Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Cousin, Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother, Friend etc.
and a Bag of
Peanuts.
Setting: Up
at the Cottage, Lakeside Resort, Beach
Girl: Gee!
I've got all these great peanuts! I want to throw some into the lake! I'll go
ask Ma if I can. Ma!
Can I throw
peanuts in the lake?
Ma: Are
peanuts biodegradable, dear?
Girl: What?
Ma: Are
peanuts biodegradable? You don't want to hurt the lake.
Girl: Gee, I
don't know.
Ma: Then
you'd better not throw peanuts in the lake, darling.
Girl: (On
the side) I'll go ask Pa.
Repeat the
scene through each person. Use appropriate hamming it up and histrionics, such
as "Granny
always lets
me do whatever I want" and a hard of hearing, senile uncle. All still ask
the biodegradable question,
girl
occasionally responding, "Bio de what?" "Biodependable?"
("No, Biodegradable!") sometimes being told, "You
go to
school, don't you? Ask your teacher!" She always responds that she doesn't
know and goes on to the next
family
member. Finally, she gives up.
Girl: Well,
I guess I'd better find out what biodegradable means, and if peanuts are
biodegradable. (She
leaves.)
Ma: Hey
gang! She's gone now! Peanuts are biodegradable! (Throw peanuts into crowd.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Version
1:
Man Wearing
Cap Sideways (looking Goofy) holding pencils says, quietly: Pencils, Pencils,
Pencils
People Walk
by in disgust
Good Scout:
Let me help you sell your Pencils
Vendor:
Okay!
Good Scout:
First you need to get their Attention first you must Yell "PENCILS!"
Now you try it
Vendor:
Quietly "pencils"
Scout:
Louder
Vendor: a
little louder "PEncils"
Scout:
Really Loud
Vendor:
Jumping up and Yelling at the top of his lungs: "P_E_N_C_I_L_S!!"
Scout: Okay,
Now how much are they?
Vendor: Duh,
I dunno
Scout: Say
"3 for 5"
Vendor:
3-4-5
Scout: Okay
are they Sharp?
Vendor: I
dunno
Scout: Say
Some are, Some aren't
Vendor: Some
are , Some aren't
Scout: Okay
if someone does not want to buy them what do you say?
Vendor: I
dunno
Scout: Say
If you don't someone else will
Vendor: If
you don't someone else will
Scout: Good,
that ought to help you have a good day!
Man enters
holding magazine...
Vendor jumps
up and knocks the magazine out of man's hands yelling ,"PENCILS!"
Man: Do you
know how much this magazine costs?
Vendor:
3-4-5?
Man: Is the
rest of your family as smart as you are?
Vendor: Some
are, Some aren't
Man: Would
you like me to knock your head off?
Vendor: If
you don't someone else will!
Version
2:
A sales
manager is trying to teach a dumb salesman how to sell. The manager tells the
trainee to listen to him
carefully
and he will teach him how to sell. He gives him the following instructions:
1. Hold
pencils in your hand and say, "Pencils for sale." Practice saying
that.
2. Next
people will ask how much they are so say, "Ten cents. Three for a
quarter."
3. Then they
will ask what color so you tell them yellow.
4. Now they
will either buy them or they won't. If they don't buy say, "If you don't,
someone else will."
The manager
has him repeat the instructions back and leaves him on his own. What happens is
that the
trainee is
left on his own and starts calling out pencils for sale when another person
rushing by and the trainee
doesn't
notice him and they collide falling to the ground. They have the following
dialogue:
1. The
customer asks if he knows how much the suit cost and the trainee tells him ten
cents, three for a
quarter.
2. The
customer getting mad asks the trainee who do you think I am, to which the
trainee replies, "Yellow."
3. The
customer really mad says, "Do you want someone to punch you in the
nose." To which the trainee
replies,
"If you don't, someone else will."
At this
point the customer beats up the trainee salesman and they leave the stage.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Cast:
Customer, Shopkeeper
Setting: Pet
Shop
Customer:
I'd like to buy a turtle.
Shopkeeper:
Well, here's one of the only three turtles I have left -- they sell real well
out here but turtle
shipments
are few and far between.
Customer:
Gee, thanks! Just the kind I was looking for, too!
Later,
customer comes in with dead turtle and is a little distraught.
Customer:
Look! He's dead already! How old was he?
Shopkeeper:
Here, here. Let me see. Hmm. Look, having pets die on customers on the first
day they buy
them is bad
for business, so here's a new one. No charge.
Customer:
Thank you! That's so gracious of you.
Later,
customer comes in with dead turtle and is more distraught.
Customer:
Are you sure these turtles are okay? This one died on me too!
Shopkeeper:
Let me see. Hmm. Well, here's the last of my three turtles, and though I won't
get another
shipment for
a while, you can have it for free.
Customer:
You are the nicest man I know. Thank you so much!
Later,
customer comes in with dead turtle and is hysterical and crying.
Customer:
What are you trying to do to me? This one died too!
Shopkeeper:
Let me see this. This is bugging me too. Say. They all have scratches on the
shells. Why?
What were
you doing with them?
Customer:
(Sniffing) Well, I was only trying to give my car a turtle wax!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
A guy is
standing in the middle of the ring. Someone wanders in, stage left, carrying a
boombox.
"Hey,
nice radio! Where'd you get it?"
"Pickin'
Cotton" and he continues wandering off stage right.
Another guy
wanders in wearing a fancy shirt, stage left.
"Wow,
cool shirt! Where'd you get it?"
"Pickin'
Cotton" and he wanders off stage right.
Another guy
wanders in wearing bright pants and fancy shoes, stage left.
"Awesome
shoes, man. Where'd you get them?"
"Pickin'
Cotton" and he wanders off stage right.
A guy limps
in, stage left, beat up and wearing nothing except a towel wrapped around him.
"Who
are you??"
"I'm
Cotton!" and he limps off stage right.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Version
1:
"Freddy
Fingers and Hands Harry" meet and embrace each other. They Tell where
they've been in the last
few years,
and as they say good-bye, one says to the other, "on you may want
this." He gives back his watch. This
exchange of
articles continues until one hands back the other person's pair of underwear.
Variation: This can
also be done
as a contest with one of the finalists ending up with the underwear. The other
finalist looks into his
pants yelps
and runs off.
Version
2:
Two friends
meet and ask each how they are doing. Each reveals that he has become a
pickpocket and
claims to be
the best pickpocket ever. They agree to find out. They back up ten steps and
walk toward each
other,
bumping into each other as they pass.
The first
person says: "Well I guess this settles it, I am the best. Look at all the
stuff I got (show these items).
Here is your
wallet, your watch, you pocket knife, and your comb. I still have all those
things, so I guess I win."
The other
man says "I guess so, All I got was this! (he holds up a pair of
underwear!)
Version
3:
The two
pickpockets decide to demonstrate how great they are upon the innocent man
walking down the road.
The two
pickpockets bump into the innocent man, and walk past. The then show everything
they got. Use your
imagination.
Then the ask
the audience if the saw how they did it. Audience says no, so the pickpockets
say they will do it
once again.
Repeat the act. Ask again if the audience saw it. When they say no, agree to do
it one more time.
This time
the pickpockets do it in slow motion! The pickpockets bump into the innocent
man, pick him up, turn
him upside
down, shake, and then put him down and walk off!
The two part
skits can be done individually, but they are fun if done one first and then
perhaps with a skit or
song in between,
and then the next one.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
This skit
requires pie plates, shaving cream, towels, 3 plastic raincoats, or something
similar (i.e. plastic
bags). At
least five people need to be involved. There is the narrator, the three members
of the pie in the face
team, and
the person(s) who delivers the pies to the pie in the face team. This skit
works best if everyone in the
skit is
serious, official, and ceremonious. Ply up the ceremony and the official part
of he skit.
The skit
starts off with the narrator about the history of the grand art of pie
throwing. He introduces the three
members of
the team who will receive the pie in the face. The team marches out and stands
at attention.
As the
narrator continues to talk a person comes out with three pies on a tray and
hands them to the three
members of
the pie in the face team. The narrator describes the various pie in the face
throws that have evolved
through the
centuries. In every case the person in the middle receives the pie in the face.
Examples of pie throws
are the
classic pie in the face, the pie on the top of the head, the double pie in the
face, the pies on the side of the
head, and
the swing, miss and hit. You can have the person in the middle change places
and still get a pie in the
face. The
last thing that happens is that the guy in the middle who was getting all the
pies in the face gets the
other two
members of the pie in the face team.
During all
this keep the members of the pie in the face team supplied with pies. This can
go on as long as you
would like.
Another thing is wipe off the pie in the face team faces once in a while. Be
original and creative with this skit.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Cast:
Manager, Guard, 3 Workmen, large cardboard boxes.
Setting:
Factory Gate.
Manager: (To
new guard) I'm giving you the very responsible position of gate guard at this
factory. Because
of the lack
of vigilance by your predecessors, the workers have stolen so many finished
articles that the firm is
heading for
bankruptcy. Your duty is to ensure this is brought to an end. Do you
understand?
Guard: Yes
Sir. I am to stop stealing.
Manager:
That's right. You can search people if necessary. Now it's up to you, and let's
see some results.
Guard: Very
good, Sir. (Manager leaves; guard takes post; first workman enters carrying a
cloth draped box.)
Just a
moment. What have you got in that box?
#1: What do
you mean?
Guard: What
have you got in that box? It's my duty to see that no one takes stuff out of
the factory.
#1: Why
didn't you say? There's nothing in the box. Look! (He shows everyone the box is
empty.)
Guard: Oh,
well, that's all right then.
#1 leaves
and #2 enters, box draped as before. Guard and workman go through routine of
looking in the box.
Repeat with
#3. After #3 has left, the manager races in enraged.
Manager: You
idiot! I hired you to stop this pilfering. You've only been here half an hour
and already we're
losing
things!
Guard: But
the only people who went out were three men with boxes. I stopped them all and
they all had
nothing in
them.
Manager: You
fool! We make boxes!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Cast: Pirate
Parents, three or four Pirates, one or two Beavers, Cubs or Scouts in full
uniform
Mom: You
know, we came from a great lineage of pirates. All were really mean and
ferocious. For instance,
there was
Long John Silver.
LJS: (Comes
out) Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of Rum! Let's see if I can catch that bum!
Dad: And of
course we can't forget Captain Hook.
Hook: (Comes
out) Let's get that Peter Pan once and for all!
Mom: Then
there was Captain Kidd that nobody was afraid of. But he was still a great
pirate.
Kidd: (Comes
out, looks funny) I may look funny but I'm great with a sword. (And he proves
it.)
Mom &
Dad: But look at us! All we had were Cubs! (Cubs walk out.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Pilot and
control tower voice are located on opposite sides of the stage area. A out of
sight on the pilot's side
makes engine
noises. Another person starts the skit by saying, "I think that there is a
plane overhead."
PILOT
(yelling loudly): "Pilot to control tower - "I'm coming in. Give me
landing instructions!"
CONTROL
TOWER (in loud monotone as if through a microphone): "Control tower to
pilot - why are you
yelling so
loud!"
PILOT:
"Pilot to control tower, pilot to control tower -- I haven't got a
RADIO!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
The scene is
set with an umpire, a catcher, a pitcher, first baseman, second baseman and
third baseman.
The players
run out to their positions, start talking and acting like they're ready to play
ball. The Umpire tells the
players to
play ball. Then the pitcher looks around with a worried expression and starts
to cry. The catcher goes
out to see
what is matter and starts to cry as well. Follow the same routine with First,
Second and Third Baseman.
The Umpire finally
asks in expiration what is the matter. The pitcher replies that they don't have
a ball.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Scene: Six
to eight players sit around a table scattered with papers, a couple of water
glasses, etc. They mime a discussion, some jotting down notes, etc. Enter the
narrator, outfitted as a news reporter. In confidential tones,
the reporter
explains that this is an important meeting of the Patrol Leaders Council,
gathered on this occasion to
make some
very important decisions. As the narrator says something like, "Let's see
if we can get a bit closer to
hear how
things are going", the group at the table add some mumbling and
unintelligible arguing to their mime.
Occasionally,
they punctuate the din with outbursts such as, "No, no!"; "I
disagree!", "That's better"; "No way!";
"That
might work"; and the like. finally, the hubbub dies, the group settles
back. One member stands and
announces,
"hen it's decided; a Large pizza with mushrooms, onions cheese, sausage
and pepperoni., hold the
anchovies."
"All: Agreed!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
One by one
the boys drag on stage crying for water. Each reaches a bucket with a ladle and
takes a drink,
splashing
some water to show there is really water in it and dies. Ham up the dying as
much as you want. More
than ladle
may be needed so that there is plenty of water to slosh around. The next to the
last person starts to
drink from
the bucket, when the last person comes in sees all the dead bodies and yells
for the other guy to drink
from the
bucket, that it is poison. The last person throws the bucket in the audience
which really only contains rice
or confetti;
only the ladles had water.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Version
1:
Cast: Army
sergeant, 3 privates
Setting:
Boot Camp
The three
privates are in line, side by side, listening to the sergeant's instructions.
Sergeant:
(using one of those yelling voices) OK men! Listen up! We're going to do a
long, hard,
invigorating,
uphill quick march! I don't want any weenies! Left turn! (They all turn;
sergeant takes up the front.)
Quick
forward march!
They all
begin doing a quick march (stay in place, of course.) All of a sudden, the
private in back sneezes.
Sergeant:
Company Halt! OK, who did that? You? (Pointing to the first private.)
Private:
N-n-no Sir!
Sergeant: I
said no weenies! Integrity is important! All liars die! (Shoots the private.)
Private: Oh!
You shot and killed me! (Dies.)
This last
scene repeats itself with some variation, but essentially it's the same.
The scene
continues to repeat itself until finally,
Sergeant:
Who did that? You?
Private: Y-y-yes Sir!
Sergeant:
Oh, you poor darling, do you have a cold? Here, have a tissue!
Version
2:
Essentially
the same, but each private, having just been asked "Any objections?"
giving a leering, threatening
look, gives
an excuse such as "I have to take care of my aging grandmother,"
"I left a tap running," and so on.
Each one is
killed, or dismissed, according to your desires. Finally, after all are dead or
dismissed, he exclaims,
"Ah,
good! I wasn't looking forward to this march anyway. I'll just go lie
down."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 221 through 240
Have one
fellow standing, holding an unopened pop bottle, the next holding a bottle
opener (or stands ready to
open the
container, one hand as if holding the container and the other hand raised over
it), the other two doing
nothing. The
first guy examines the bottle real close and passes it to third guy who guzzles
it, pretend or for real,
and passes
the empty container to the last guy. This guy looks at the empty bottle or
container with a sick look on
his face and
then burps as loudly as he can.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
242. Post Office / King's Royal Paper
Version
1: Post Office
Cast: Post
Office Clerk, People in line, Person, a few letters and small boxes, and one
wrapped box with a roll
of toilet
paper in it.
Setting:
Post Office
Person is
last in line, clerk is behind a desk, serving people, box with toilet paper
1: 5 stamps,
please.
Clerk:
$2.00, please.
2: My mail,
please. (Clerk hands it to him.)
3: This to
Albuquerque.
Clerk takes
it.
4: Has my
package arrived yet?
Clerk:
(Checks.) No, I'm sorry Sir.
Next day,
same type scenario occurs, with person 4 always last in line, always asking for
his package, which
hasn't
arrived yet. Each day this repeats, his legs become more and more crossed, he's
more fidgety, more
nervous,
more anxious, more desperate, till finally, on the last day he's up again.
4: (Yelling
out) Has my package arrived yet?
Clerk: Yes
Sir! Here it is!
4:
(Relieved, tearing open the box) Thank you! Now I can go to the washroom!
Version
2: The King's Royal Paper
Essentially
the same type of cast plus a guard; you also need newspaper, a notepad, scrap
paper, cardboard
and so on.
Have servants ham it up when their head is about to be cut off.
King: I want
my Royal Paper!
1: Here,
Sire, The Royal Newspaper!
King: No!
That's not it! Guard, Off with his head!
2: Sire!
Your Royal Writing paper!
King: Fool!
Off with his head!
3: Your
Highness! Here is The Royal Scratch Paper!
King:
(Furious) If I wanted to draw I'd have called for Crayons! Off with his head!
4: Your
Grace! Here is the Royal Paper! (Hands him the toilet paper.)
King: Thank
you! (Runs off to washroom.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
A scout
pretending to be a delivery boy comes wandering through the meeting with a
potted plant which he
says is for
Mrs. Mergertroid. He comes back through the meeting several times each time
saying, "Potted plant
for Mrs.
Mergetroid." Each time the potted plant gets bigger. The last time he
comes in carrying a small tree.
Finally the
leader says there isn't any adults here, just kids. Delivery boy looks at the
card and says. "Oh for
heaven's
sake. I've been reading it wrong, the plant is from Mrs. Mergetroid For ; Name
of some one in the unit."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
Kids bring
in presents for their teacher on the first day of school. The teacher can tell
what the child's parents
does by the
present he brings such as apples from parent's fruit stand, baker's child
brings rolls, candy maker
candy. The
last person brings in a crudely wrapped package, with yellow liquid leaking
out. The teacher tastes
the liquid
and states that his father must run a bottling factory. The child replies that
no his dad is a dogcatcher
and that it
is a puppy in the package.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
A prisoner
is brought before a judge. The policeman says that he caught him red-handed.
Judge asks if it is
true and the
prisoner says, "Well, maybe so and maybe not". The prisoner is asked
if he has stolen before and he
replies,
"Mmmm ... now & then". Judge, impatient now, asks where he stole
these things and the prisoner replies
here and
there. Judge tells the policeman to lock him up ! Prisoner asks when he will
get out of jail. Judge
smugly says,
"Oh, sooner or later."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
A silly
fill-in for a number of dull moments.
Cast:
Announcer, Professor Glitzenshiner
Announcer:
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Today I have the great honor of presenting to you
Professor
Gliztenshiner.
Professor Gliztenshiner is a little known quack whose main field of expertise
is geography. He
attended
Whatsamatta U. for his undergraduate degree in geographic localization; he went
to Duck University for
his Masters
in human geography. He did his Doctorate at the Idiot Institute of Illinois on
World geography, and is
now on world
tour addressing crowds large and small on Systems of Geography. Please, Ladies
and Gentlemen,
I would like
to introduce Professor Gliztenshiner who will now give you his address.
Professor
Glitzenshiner: My address is 1234 Pine Street. Thank you. bows)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
Version
1:
Props: A
cardboard box, and a stuffed dog (or rabbit, etc.)
Announcer:
This scene takes place on the street outside a grocery store.
(Several
participants are gathered around outside the store, chatting.)
Roger :
(Enters holding the box) Hi guys, would you please hold this box for me while I
go into the store ?
(Exits)
Martin: I
wonder what's in the box ?
Gerry : I
don't know, but something is leaking out !
Bob : (Rubs
finger against the bottom of box, then licks finger) Hmmm, it tastes like lemon
soda.
Martin:
(Also rubs box and tastes finger) No. I think it's more like chicken soup.
Roger :
(Returns, looks in box) Oh, you naughty puppy !
Version
2:
Cast: Owner,
1st Pedestrian, 2 Friends, box
Setting:
Street Corner
Owner:
(Walking up to #1) Would you hold my box? I have to go into a store for a
moment.
#1: Sure! Be
glad to.
#2: (Walks
up.) Hey! What's in the box?
#1: I don't
know. This guy comes up to me and hands it to me. Hey! It's leaking! Maybe it's
ice cream and
it's
melting. Let's taste it. (Taste drip) Tastes like vanilla ice cream to me!
#2: (Tastes
it.) Chocolate it is, my friend. Hey Joe! Try this -- what does it taste like?
Joe: (Tastes
it.) Definitely pistachio.
#1: Naw! It's
vanilla!
#2: I told
you, it's chocolate!
Owner comes
back.
#1: Mister
-- what's in the box? Vanilla ice cream?
#2: Or
chocolate?
Joe: It
tastes like pistachio to me!
Owner: How
foolish of you guys. That's my pet dog!
Guys show
disgusted faces.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
One player
stands with his ear to a fence (an old painted sheet will work) as if listening
intently. Several others
enter to
watch. One of them asks, "What do you hear?" "Listen!" he
says dramatically. They all listen, look
puzzled.
Another says, "I don't hear anything. " "Listen!" first
player says again. The routine repeats once or twice
more.
Finally, one player says with great disgust, "I don't hear anything!"
"Funny," says the first player, "it's been
like that
all day!" Players exit.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
1st Scout
comes out: Gets down on all fours, pretending to be a table. 2nd Scout comes
out, looks at the
table and
declares "Ahh, a fly, I think I'll pull it's wings off" Proceeds to
pick it up, pluck the wings, put it back on the
table, and
walks off.. 3rd Scout comes out, looks at the fly on the table and says;
"Oh, a fly with no wings, I think I'll
pull it's
legs off", With great precision and animation, picks up the fly, removes
it's legs, and puts it back and walks
off. 4th
Scout comes out, looks at the fly and announces; "Say, a fly with no wings
and no legs, I think I'll pull it's
head
off." Then proceeds as the other Scout before him. Last Scout comes out
looks at the table, then carefully
inspects the
object with out picking it up and says very quickly "A raisin !" and
quickly picks it up and eats it.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
7-up
salesmen is sent to Africa to establish a market there. He is reported missing
with along with a large
supply of
7-up. A search party is sent out after him. After a long search, they finally
come to a village of
cannibals.
Questioning the cannibal chief, they find out he has been eaten.
The Chief
explains: "we ate his head and drank 7-up, then we ate his arms and drank
7-up,, when we ate his
legs, we
drank 7-up, and then we ate his thing."
The search
party puzzled asks, "why didn't you drink 7-up after eating his
thing?". The Chief replies: "Don't be
Silly,
Things Go Better With COKE!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
Characters:
Reggie, big, dumb, Bermudas, high socks, safari hat, glasses, down on nose,
mustache, carries
gun in front
of him. Colonel: short, limp, monocle, no gun, just small knapsack, has cane.
Scene:
Walking in place through darkest Africa, speaking pronounced English accent.
Colonel:
(excited, jumping and pointing with cane) Reggie, look... Did you see it,
Reggie ?
Reggie: See
what??! No, no, where, where ??
Colonel: Oh,
Reggie, It was a beautiful condor, 8 foot wing span, beautiful colors.
Reggie: No.
I didn't see it.
Colonel:
Wish You'd pay closer attention. (They continue walking).
Colonel: Did
you see it, Reggie?
Reggie: No,
what?
Colonel: A
spotted Zebra...Wish you'd pay closer attention.
Colonel:
(later) Did you see it, Reggie?? Did you see it?
Reggie: No I
missed it ... what was it?
Colonel: An
ooh-aah bird.
Reggie:
Ooh-aah bird. What's a ooh aah bird??
Colonel: An
ooh-aah bird is a 2 pound bird that lays a 3 pound egg, like this:
Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh-aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(face lights up). (continue walking).
Reggie:
Whispers to audience: Next time I'll say yes - pretend like I saw it. I'll fool
him.
Colonel:
Reggie, Reggie did you see it! (excited)
Reggie: I
saw it, I saw it!
Colonel:
Then why in heaven's name did you step in it? !!!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
Use plastic
glasses, and have the Waiter wear an apron and carry a towel over his arm. The
Waiter will need
a tray for
glasses of water.
Two
volunteers are recruited from the audience. The get down on their hands and
knees. The Announcer
welcomes
everybody to his restaurant, and introduces the volunteers as his tables.
Some Scouts
enter and sit or kneel around one table. They call for the Waiter, and order
glasses of water.
They sit and
talk while they are waiting. Another group of Scouts also enters, and also
orders water.
The Waiter
serves both groups, placing glasses on the backs of the 'tables'. The groups
sit and talk as they
sip their
drinks, returning them to the table each time.
One or two
at a time, the Scouts make their excuses, and get up and leave. "This
water is terrible." "Let's go
over to
Joe's Bar and have another round." "Sorry, guys. I've got to be
getting home."
Eventually,
the tables are left alone, with the glasses of water still full on the
tabletops. The Master of
Ceremonies
moves on to the next event.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
The scene is
two guys enter a greasy spoon type of restaurant that has a customer and a
grill type cook with a
stained
apron. The cook says that all they have is soup and a hot dog. The first man
says he will take the soup
and the
other man says he wants the same. The cook tells them if one wants the soup the
other has to have the
hot dog. The
second man agrees and asks to have mustard put on the hot dog and the waiter
leaves. The third
asks if they
steal, referring to the cook. The first man says the cook will steal your shirt
off your back if he could.
The first
& second man get their order, the cook dropping the silverware, then wiping
them off with his dirty apron.
Second man
tells the cook that he wanted mustard on his hot dog. The cook squeezes mustard
off his apron onto
the hot dog.
First man says that there is a fly in his soup. The cook retrieves the fly out
of the soup, squeezing it,
telling the
fly to spit it all back. The third man disgusted, makes a comment and walks out
without his pants. His
pants have
been stolen.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
254. Rise, Walk, and Kill, Igor
Cast: Dr.
Mad, Igor, Bank Manager, Cable Company, Electrician
Setting: Dr.
Mad's Laboratory
Dr. Mad:
(Talking to crowd, with one of those sinister, horror movies voices.) I just
love my new invention,
Igor. He is
a robot and is such a good servant. I would just love to demonstrate him to
you. (Someone knocks on
the door.)
Ah! Here's my chance. Come in!
Manager:
Hello, Sir. I've come today to talk to you about your banking. It seems your
account is overdrawn
by twenty
million dollars.
Dr. Mad: Oh,
please, come in. I would love to discuss this over coffee. But first, may I
show you my newest
invention?
This is Igor. You see, whenever I say, Rise, Igor, he rises (Igor rises.) And
if I say, Walk, Igor, he
walks (Igor
walks toward manager.) And should I say, Kill, Igor, he kills (Igor strangles
manager, then lies down
on his
table.) This is so neat what I've invented. (Someone knocks on door.) Oh,
someone else is at the door.
Coming!
Cableman:
Hello, Sir. I've come today to disconnect the cable, because you haven't paid
you cable bills in 6
months.
Dr. Mad: Oh,
please, come in. I would love to discuss this over coffee. But first, may I
show you my newest
invention?
This is Igor. You see, whenever I say, Rise, Igor, he rises (Igor rises.) And
if I say, Walk, Igor, he
walks (Igor
walks toward cableman.) And should I say, Kill, Igor, he kills (Igor strangles
cableman, then lies down
on his
table.) I say, what an invention. (Someone knocks on door.) Oh, someone else is
at the door. Coming!
Electrician:
Hello, Sir. I've come today to talk about your power consumption and how to
reduce it. I seems
that you are
often short-circuiting the system.
Dr. Mad: Oh,
please, come in. I would love to discuss this over coffee. But first, may I
show you my newest
invention?
This is Igor. You see, whenever I say, Rise, Igor, he rises (Igor rises.) And
if I say, Walk, Igor, he
walks (Igor
walks toward electrician.) And should I say, Kill, Igor, he kills (Igor
strangles electrician then lies down
on his
table.) Without a doubt, a great invention. (To audience again.) I am so
impressed with myself and my
invention.
You see, all I have to do is say, Rise, Igor and he gets up (Igor Rises.) Then
I just say, Walk, Igor and
he walks
(Igor walks to Dr. Mad.) And just by saying, Kill, Igor, I solve many problems!
(Igor strangles Dr. Mad.)
AHHHHHHHH!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
The narrator
tells the audience they are going to explore the wilderness. He sets the scene
with members of
his patrol.
Two members are the river, (they are always moving around. The Trees, bushes
remain still. The
uniformed
volunteers play the rocks and they in the front with their backs to the rest of
the cast. The narrator
walks to
each person as he describes the items.) Then trees, bushes, squirrel, rabbit,
etc. When you run out of
members,
solicit two or three volunteers to be the rocks. Sit them down in front of the
rest of the scene.
Now the
narrator says: "Come with us now as we explore the beautiful wilderness.
Here with have these
great oak
trees, mixed among the giant pine trees. Next we have these rabbits and
squirrel playing in the
wilderness.
And we find these rocks. Remnant of the very beginning of our planet, nestled
here near the river
bed. These
are wild gooseberry bushes. Notice the berries are growing all over. Finally we
come to the rushing
river.
Always moving, the river tumbles down the canyon, hurries through the rapids
and washes up against the
rocks!"
(at this point the people playing the river grab buckets of water and douse the
persons playing the rocks.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
Four or more
people sneak up behind the speaker and set chairs down so that "the
speaker can't see them."
They then
begin to go through the motions of casting a line and reeling it in. After a
while the audience is watching
what the
group is doing and then the "speaker" looks over and asks, "What
are you doing?" "We're fishing!" is the
reply of the
fishermen, after which they go back to their motions and the speaker resumes
talking. After a short
time the
speaker looks over and says - "But you can't fish here!" "Why
not?" asks another fisherman?" Because
there's no
water here!" (speaker)
"Oh,
well, they weren't biting anyway!" (fisherman) The fishermen then turn
their chairs so that they are lined
up in a
single line, facing in the same direction. They go through the motions of
putting their gear away, and then,
acting as if
they are rowing a boat, slide their chairs backwards across the stage."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
A scout
begins to sell white water balloons to scouts at summer camp.: He is yelling
water balloons for sale.
Various
customer come up to he to buy one. However they want colored balloons and the
salesman only has
white
balloons. The salesman is very rude to them. He replies: What's the matter.
These plates are the same
shape as
what you want only a different color." Finally one of the first customers
comes back and asked to buy a
balloon. The
Scout hands the salesman a Penney for the balloon. The Salesman stops him and
says: "Hey what
this, they
are 10 cents!" The customer replies: "What's the matter, the coin is
the same shape as the one you
want, a
similar size, only a different color!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
Cast: 2
Cowboys, Sheriff, Goofball
Setting:
Saloon
#1 & 2
and the sheriff are in talking to each other while goofball is polishing his
gun.
#1: I'm so
brave that I once faced a pit full of hissing, poisonous snakes and shot each
one before I climbed
out.
#2: That's
nothing. I once was all alone helping all sorts of people when a flood came
through town.
Sheriff: I'm
really brave, that's why I'm sheriff. I once put away 20 bad guys all by
myself.
(Goofball's
gun fires accidentally.)
Goofball:
(All three guys run off, really scared.) Gee, I was only washing my gun!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
Sarge and
private walking.
Private:
"I want to rest!"
Sarge:
"No! we have to finish this hike keep going!"
Private:
"But my feet hurt" etc. (Whining.)
Here you can
be creative, add a few more excuses...
Sarge:
"Absolutely NOT!!!"
Private:
"Ill cry..."
Sarge:
"Go ahead!"
Private:
"WaaaaaaHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here Sarge
gives in and they rest. Next the private wants to stop and ' take a wee' (you
can always use the
"Weeee!"
when the Sarge finally gives in after the same Rigmarole. and next a drink, and
finally food. But this is
only a day
hike so there is no food. After more tears, the Sarge finds a worm and the
private will only eat it (on the
threat of
more tears) if the Sarge eats half. Of course when he finally does, the private
starts bawling again and
screams
Private:
"You ate my half."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
Scout
wanders through area several times holding a glass of water: When asked what he
is doing, he replies
that the
school is on fire. Leader: How do you expect to put the fire out with a tiny
glass of water?" Boy answers,
"this
ain't water, it's gas.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 241 through 260
The scene is
the launching pad of a large rocket which can be cut from a large piece of
cardboard. There is
an elaborate
countdown, but the rocket fails to go off at zero. All those present inspect it
and check on a number
of
highly-scientific-sounding devices - the supersonic sector wire; the exhaust
fin fan stand; the sub-stabilizer
exidizer,
etc. All seem perfect. Finally the smallest boy says: "I've found the
trouble. Somebody forgot to put in
the fuel.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
This skit
needs two Scouts, both dressed in full Scout uniform, complete with shoes,
socks, neckerchief, and
hat. Only a
little rehearsal is needed, and it is best to ad lib as the Scouts go along.
Scout #2 should demonstrate
Scout#1's
requests as quickly as possible, playing for the audience's response. By the
end of the skit, the second
Scout will
be a complete mess.
Scout #1:
"Good evening Scouts and parents. Tonight my associate and I will
demonstrate the proper way to
wear the
official Boy Scout uniform for all of our mothers present, and especially for
the new Scouts and their
mothers."
Scout #1
reads from a list: "First, notice the lovely shade of khaki and red. See
how the colors complement
each
other?"
Scout #2
acts as a model, posing and waving his hand in a smooth motion from hat to
trousers.
"Notice
the badges identifying the patrol, rank, troop number, office, and council."
Scout #2
points to each patch in succession.
"Now
notice the stiff collar, the neatly sewn shirt buttons, and the absence of lint
in his trouser pockets."
Scout #2
turns up the collar, pulling his neckerchief askew. He begins to unbutton his
shirt, and pulls out his
pants
pockets, dropping the contents on the floor.
"See
the neat pant cuffs, shiny leather shoes, and crumpled shirt tails."
Scout #2
lifts a pant leg (which stays up), takes off and holds up a shoe, and pulls out
his shirt tails and waves
them at the
audience.
"Also
check out the regulation hat and belt, clean undershirt, and ears."
Scout #2
takes off his hat to show and puts it back a bit lopsided. He unbuckles his
belt and leaves it
hanging.
Then he finishes unbuttoning his shirt to show off his clean undershirt. He
sticks a finger in his ear,
turns it,
and takes it out and inspects it.
"Finally,
notice the stitched shirt cuffs, color coordinated Scout socks, and clean
hands."
Scout #2
unbuttons one shirtsleeve cuff and shows it off. He takes off a sock and waves
it proudly, holding it
up to his
shirt for comparison. Then he stuffs the sock partly into a pocket and displays
his clean hands.
"Thank
you ladies and gentlemen for your attention. Scouts, I expect you to wear your
uniforms as proudly as
my helpful
assistant wears his."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
A Scout goes
to the trading post and asks to buy some tenderfoot brains, that'll be 25
cents. OK, (money and
brains
exchanged).
Narrator:
six months later. Same Scout back at trading post. "I'd like to buy some
second class brains."
"That'll
be 50 cents." OK, (as before)
Narrator:
six months later I'd like to buy some first class brains - 75 cents - OK...
Narrator: a
year later I'd like to buy some star brains - 1.00 - OK...
Narrator: a
year later I'd like...Life brains - 1.25 - OK
Narrator: a
year later I'd like... Eagle brains - 1.50 - OK
Narrator: 15
years later Same Scout goes to trading post again. "I'd like to buy some
Scoutmaster's brains"
"That'll
be 200 dollars an ounce" "200 dollars, why so much?"
"Do you
have any idea how many Scoutmaster's it takes to get an ounce of brains?"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
Six or seven
scouts each bring in a wrapped present. The "presents" can be
anything (paper clips, envelopes,
a pencil, a
block of wood); The Scoutmaster (camp director) being honored stands in front
of the group. Scout 1
comes up
with his present (paper clips, for example) and gives it to the SM.
SM opens the
package. "Oh gee, paper clips! How nice!"
Scout 1:
"Oh it was nothing, Mr. Jones. My dad works in a paper clip factory."
Scout 2
comes up with his present (envelopes, for example) and gives it to the SM.
SM opens the
package. "Oh boy, envelopes. Thanks, Tommy."
Scout 2:
"No problem, Mr. Jones. The old man works in a stationery store."
And so on to
the last one -- Last scout comes up with a box, dripping water out of the
bottom, and says, "I'm
sorry, Mr.
Jones, but my dad works in a pet store..."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
Announcer:
This scene takes place in a hardware store near Camp _______ home of the oldest
surviving
Scoutmaster.
Scoutmaster
(very old man): "My old crosscut saw is worn out, and I need something
that will let me cut more
wood for
camp!"
Owner:
"Yes, sir! For only one hundred bucks you can be the proud owner of this
chain saw. I guarantee that
it will cut
twice as much wood in a day as your old crosscut." Scoutmaster: (Handing
over money) "O.K. great!"
(Exits)
Announcer:
"The next day."
Scoutmaster:
(Enters tiredly) "There's something wrong with this saw. I worked very
hard yesterday, and only
cut half as
much wood."
Owner:
"Well, sir, I have a lot of faith in this product. Here, I'll put a new
chain on it and you give it another try."
Scoutmaster:
"O.K., but if it doesn't do any better, I'll be back! You can count on
that!" (Exits)
Announcer:
"The next day."
Scoutmaster:
(Enters exhausted) "This darned saw is no good. I worked even harder, and
still it won't cut half
the wood of
my old saw! I want my money back!"
Owner:
"Yes, sir ! Just let me check it out here." (Pulls starter rope)
Announcer:
(Makes sound effects of saw running.)
Scoutmaster:
"Oh, my gosh! What on earth is all that noise?"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
Cast: Story
Teller, Boy, several characters such as Mom, Dad, Bro, Sis, Drunk, Repairman,
Priest, Clerk, Bus
Driver, and
so on.
Teller:
There once was a little boy who had a screw instead of a belly button, and was
always curious about it.
Finally one
day he asks his Mom,
Boy: Mommy,
why do I have a screw instead of a belly button like everyone else?
Mom:
(Brushing him away,) I don't have time right now. Ask your father.
Teller: The
boy goes to his father and asks him the same question.
(He asks;
gets the same type of answer ("Paying the bills.") He goes around to
several people in the town to
whom he is
referred by the last person, but always getting the same type of answer.
Finally, he goes to the priest.)
Boy: Father,
why do I have a screw instead of a belly button like everyone else?
Priest: My
son, only God knows of such things. You should pray and ask him.
Boy: Thank
you, Father. (Begins praying.) God, why do I have a screw instead of a belly
button like everyone
else?T
eller: All
of a sudden, a big hand appears with a large screwdriver, connects with his
screw, and turns. All of
a sudden the
boy falls down and hears,
God: The
screw is there to hold you together!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
Cub 1: I can
lift an elephant with one hand.
Cub 2: I
don't believe you.
Cub 1: Give
me an elephant with one hand and I'll show you.
Cub 3: I can
bend bars with my bare hands.
Cub 4: Iron
bars?
Cub 3: No,
chocolate bars.
Cub 5: Why
are you jumping up and down?
Cub 6: I
took some medicine and forgot to shake well before using.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
Number of
Participants: 2 (If more are desired, they can be passengers, with suitable
sound effects and
actions.)
Props:
Seating for pilot and co-pilot, and for passengers if required. A compass.
Announcer:
This scene is on board a very low budget airline.
Pilot :
Well, are we anywhere near the airport, co-pilot ?
Co-Pilot :
(peering out the window) I don't know... I see lights over there to the port.
That's likely it. Bring 'er
around and
have a look.
Pilot :
(lurching plane hard to the left) Boy, I can't tell. I wish the company would
buy us some instruments.
Co-Pilot :
(pulling compass from pocket) Oh, I've got my trusty compass and the sun went
down about 20
minutes ago,
so we've got to be on course. (Excited) Look, see that spot down there, that
must be it.
Pilot :
Okay, here we go. Give me 20 degrees flaps, I'm going in. (Puts plane into a
nose dive, sound
effects.)
Pilot : This
is going to be tough. Give me more flaps, cut back the engines. (Louder) More
flaps, less
throttle !
Co-Pilot :
(Appropriate actions and sounds, acting panicky.)
Pilot :
QUICK, cut the engines, give me brakes. MORE BRAKES !
Both :
(Sighs of relief) We're down, we made it !
Pilot : Boy
that was a short runway !
Co-Pilot :
(Looking right, then left) Yep, and wide too !
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
Version
1:
Cast:
Announcer, big boxer, 72 pound weakling, fry pan
Announcer:
Ladies and Gents! May I bring your attention to the center ring where we will
have our main
attraction!
Little John will be fighting against a new contender, named Shrimpy! 1-2-3 Go!
They box --
Shrimpy gets hit this way, that way, is really losing until at the last moment,
he throws one weak
punch and
Little John falls unconscious.
Announcer:
1! 2! 3! Shrimpy wins! Now let's look at that in slow motion!
Boxers get
up, and the scene repeats itself slowly in slow motion, and when Shrimpy is
throwing his punch,
someone quickly
-- and I mean unaffected by slow motion -- runs up and swings the fry pan
against Little John's
head.
Version
2:
Similar to
the above, but it never gets to the fight. The Announcer is explaining the
rules and says "We'll have
none of
this!" (kicks Little John in the groin) "Or this!" (breaks arm
over his knee) "Or this!" (kicks in the knees)
"And of
course this! is prohibited!" (hits over the head with the fry pan)
"Understood? Good! Go!" And of course
one weak
punch from Shrimpy knocks him out.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
Cast: Shut
Up, Trouble, Police Officer, Narrator
Setting:
Woods, Then a Police Station (as per narration)
Narrator:
There once were a brother and sister called Shut Up and Trouble. They liked to
go on walks
together.
(SU & T are walking through the woods.) One day, they were walking along in
the woods together and
Trouble got
lost. (T walks off; SU looks around but can't find her.) So Shut Up went to the
police station to report
a missing
person.
Police
officer: Can I help you? What's your name?
Shut Up:
Shut Up, Sir.
Police
Officer: That's a bit impolite. What's your name, boy?
Shut Up:
Shut Up, Sir.
Police
Officer: You should watch your manners, boy. What's your name?
Shut Up:
Shut Up, Sir.
Police
Officer: Young man, are you looking for trouble?
Shut Up:
Yes, Sir, she's lost! Do you know where she is?
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
271. The Siberian Chicken Farmer
Farmer:
"Here, chick chick chick ... Here, chick chick ... chick ..."
Two military
types come up behind the farmer.
Police:
"Comrade! Vat are you Doink!"
Farmer:
"I'm feedink my chickens"
Police:
"Vat are you Feedink dem, Comrade??"
Farmer:
"Corn."
Police:
"Fool! There is a shortage of corn!!!"
They beat
him up. Oof. Ow.
Police,
dragging him away: "Three years in the work camps for you!"
Narrator:
Three years later, ...
Farmer:
"Here, chick chick chick ... Here, chick chick ... chick ..."
Two military
types come up behind the farmer.
Farmer,
standing up some: "Uh oh ..."
Police:
"Comrade! Vat are you Doink!"
Farmer:
"I'm feedink my chickens"
Police:
"Vat are you Feedink dem, Comrade??"
Farmer:
"Wheat."
Police:
"Fool! There is a shortage of wheat!!!"
They beat
him up. Oof. Ow.
Police,
dragging him away: "Five years in the work camps for you!"
Narrator:
Five years later, ...
Farmer:
"Here, chick chick chick ... Here, chick chick ... chick ..."
Two military
types come up behind the farmer.
Farmer,
standing up some: "Uh oh ..."
Police:
"Comrade! Vat are you Doink!"
Farmer:
"I'm feedink my chickens"
Police:
"Vat are you Feedink them, Comrade??"
Farmer:
"Rubles."
Police:
"Rubles? But vy are you feedink them rubles, Comrade?"
Farmer:
"They can buy their own food!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
Cast: 1
Sidewalk Climber. 2 - 3 Passers-by and 2 offstage personnel
Also needed:
"Tools" - Climbing tools or even two tent stakes will work. Long rope
The skit
begins with the "sidewalk climber" lying on his stomach on the floor.
(The plastic garbage bag is used
if needed to
prevent splinters) The rope is tied around the climber's waist (like a safety
line) and leads offstage (to
the offstage
personnel.)
In the
climber's hands are "climbing tools" which can be anything that a
climber would use to climb rocks, or
even sticks,
it really doesn't matter too much.
The climber
simulates climbing up a rock formation by getting a good hold with his tool and
pulling up (sliding
across the
floor), then getting a good hold with the other tool, etc....
1st
Passer-by: What in the world do you think you're doing here?
Climber:
"Why, I'm sidewalk climbing! It's a really dangerous hobby. It takes a lot
of strength and
concentration.
One mistake and it's all over!" (Continues climbing)
1st
Passer-by: "You're crazy!" (Passer-by walks off.)
Climber:
Continues to make the climbing action across the floor.
2nd P-by: "Hey
mister/lady, what ARE you doing there?"
Climber:
"I'm sidewalk climbing! Not everybody can do this sport. It takes a great
deal of training and
strength.
One slip and it's all over!"
2nd P-by:
"What a nut!" (The passer-by takes one of the tools and walks off the
climber now has to try to
climb with
only one tool - makes it look a lot harder.)
Climber:
"Oh no! Thank goodness I still have THIS tool, I think I can still make
it!" (Continues "climbing.")
3rd P-by:
"Wow, look at this weirdo! Just what is it you think you're doing?"
Climber:
"I'm SIDEWALK CLIMBING!" (Climber must grunt out the words due to the
extra effort it takes to
climb with
only one tool.) "This is a really dangerous sport and I lost one of my
climbing tools. All it takes is one
wrong move
and I'm in real trouble!"
3rd P-by:
"This is really dumb! You're just lying on the sidewalk! There's nothing
dangerous about that.
Nothing will
happen if you slip. Here..... I'll PROVE it to you!" (Passer-by takes the
last tool out of the climber's
hand.)
Climber:
"Oh No!" (and tries to hang on to the tool) (Just as the tool is
taken out of the climber's hand, the
offstage
personnel pull on the rope and pull the climber out of sight, as the climber
yells "Ahhhhhhhhhh.... look
what you've
done now!")
3rd P-by:
Looks at audience with a sheepish look on his/her face, shrugs shoulders, and
quietly walks off the
stage.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
A guy comes
on stage singing in a terrible voice. He acts pompous to a friend saying how is
such a great
singer.
Friend says that he had better quit because of poor health, not the singers,
but everyone else's.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
The six wise
travelers came to a river and discuss ways to get across. One of them sees a
boy with a boat
and asks him
to take them across. the boy says they can use the boat, but he will not take
them across. The
travelers
all get in the boat and it sinks. They scramble out of the river and count
themselves, but do it wrong and
come up
short a person. This can be done more than once. They tell the boy if he can
find the missing traveler
they will
give him a bag of gold. The boy counts them. gets it right, they give him the
gold telling the boy how
good he is
and that maybe he will grow up to be as smart as they are. The travelers then
jump in and swim across
the river.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
You will
need three scouts or male scout leaders and one girl scout or lady leader. You
can do this with adults
or youngsters,
but do not mix adults and youngsters.
The scene is
that three boys are chatting in a group when from the side of the stage, a
young lady walks on,
hands in
front of her, sleep walking.
She walks up
to the first boy, takes off his tie and walks off taking his tie with her.
1st boy
" Hey she's pinched my tie." (another word for Pinched is stole or
took)
2nd boy
" It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, don't worry shell bring it back
when she wakes up."
The girl
walks back and takes the second boys jacket, she walks off carrying it with
her.
2nd boy
"Hey she's pinched my jacket."
3rd boy
"It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, don't worry shell bring it back,
when she wakes up."
The girl
walks back still sleep walking, grabs the 3rd boy by the arm and walks off with
him.
3rd boy
"It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, but don't worry shell bring me back
when she wakes up."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
Several slug
trainers bring on their trained slug and deposit it in the stage center. The
slug is a person
encased in a
sleeping bag. On command the slug performs various trick such rolling over,
leaping in the air
slightly,
etc. A volunteer is brought from the audience and is told that the slug is
trained to crawl over the human
body. The
volunteer lays down and the slug crawls across him leaving a dribble of water
or brown cotton balls.
The trainers
apologize and exclaim, "Sorry, but our slug isn't potty trained."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
A young
Eagle candidate is brought in for his Eagle Board of Review. He is asked if he
has completed all of
his required
Merit Badges? The scout says, "Well, maybe so and maybe not".
The
Scoutmaster asks the Scout if he has lived with scout spirit? The scout
replies, "Mmmm ... now & then".
Scoutmaster,
impatient now, asks if him where he did his Eagle project and the scout replies
"here and there".
The
Scoutmaster dismisses the Scout.
The Scout
asks "when will I receive my Eagle award. The Scoutmaster smugly
says,
"Oh, sooner or later."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
1st Scout:
"Hey George, look over there, smoke signals".
2nd Scout:
"Oh yes Mike, what do they say?"
1st Scout:
"Help............My..........Blanket's............On ..........Fire."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
A line of
Scouts comes on stage marching. The scout in the back sneezes. The leader turns
to the second in
line and
asks, "did you sneeze?" The second in line says "no". The
leader says, "liar" and hits the second in line.
He falls to
the side.
The line of
Scouts continues marching. The scout in the back sneezes.
The leader
turns to the new second in line and asks, "did you sneeze?"
The new
second in line says "no". The leader says, "liar" and hits
the second in line. He falls to the side.
This
continues until there is only the leader and one other Scout. They continue
marching. The other Scout
sneezes. The
leader turns and says, "did you sneeze?" The other Scout says,
"ahhhh yea". The leader says,
"gazoontight"
and pats him on the back.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
280. Soldier In the Battlefield
This skit
can be played by just one person, or you can use two. A person in battle dress
falls on the ground
moaning that
he is about to die. The orderly kneels over him frantically trying to record
his name for the records.
He keeps on
asking his name, but he is in too much pain to bother with his name and keeps
on asking for help. In
desperation
the orderly tells the soldier that he is dying and that he needs his name to
tell his mother. The soldier
reply that
his mother already knows his name.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 261 through 280
Props:
Blankets and rope to make Monk's Cassock.
Friar: Good
morning, everyone.
Monks: Good
morning.
Friar: For
our Matin, we are going to practice chanting. All together now, repeat after
me: (Chanting)
Morning,
morning, mor-or-ning.
Monks:
(Rather raggedly) Morning, morning, mor-or-ning.
Friar: Not
bad, but we need to get more feeling and rhythm into it. Let's try again. (A
couple more attempts
are made,
each one better, then on the third try it sounds excellent, but one Monk chants
loud and clear, "Ev-enning".)
Friar: Cut,
Cut ! What was that ?
Brother
Daniel: What's wrong, Friar ? I thought it sounded good.
Friar: (Breaking
into song) Someone Chanted Evening !
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
282. Sounds of the Lost Scoutmaster
A quick
2-person skit, if the Storyteller, the Lost Scoutmaster or last minute
volunteers do the sound effects.
Cast:
Storyteller, Bird, Frog, Tree, Breeze, Lost Scoutmaster
Storyteller
is telling the story to the campfire crowd, while the other actors, with the
exception of the Lost
Scoutmaster,
have the option to hide in the woods, sit in the crowd, or stand beside the
story teller. I suggest the
first, for
effect. The Lost Scoutmaster, however, must hide in the woods.
Storyteller:
You know, I love camping. It's not like being in the city at all. You hear
sounds that you can only
hear out in
the country. For instance, lots of birds. (Bird chirps a lot, sings a bird
song.) Ah, isn't that lovely? And
the frogs.
They have one of those great sounds. (Frog calls out ribbit sounds.) And though
there's breeze in the
city, it's
just not the same as the breeze in the country. (Light breeze being called
out.) Let's face it; there are
trees in the
city, but how many? The breeze through a forest is so nice (Light breeze,
slight swishing of the trees.)
But the
sound I love to hear the most when I go camping is the sound of the Lost
Scoutmaster. (Heavy thumping
of the feet;
calls out, "Where in the world am I?")
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
283. The Sounds of the Wilderness
Four or five
Scouts enter the stage (more can be accommodated) and stand facing the
audience. The
announcer
explains to the audience, "If you listen quietly you can hear the sounds
of the wilderness: the birds"
(one Scout
whistles a bird song, then stops).
The
announcer continues: "... or the deer" (another Scout makes swishing
sounds like a deer traveling through
the brush,
then stops).
The
announcer continues: "... or the bear" (another Scout growls).
And so on,
for as many Scouts has you have on stage.
Finally, the
announcer says, "And if you are very, very quiet, you can hear the sound
of the lost Boy Scout..."
From
offstage, you hear, "HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
The director
tunes up the orchestra or chorus and they begin to make music. One by one each
player hits a
sour note.
Each time the director gets upset and throws the player offstage. Repeat until
only the accompanist
and the
director is left. The director then turns to the accompanist and begins a solo.
The director hits a sour note
and the
accompanist jumps up and throws the director off stage coming back on stage
with a smug look on his
face, bows
to the audience and exits.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
While Cub
Master is doing the pack meeting Two adults enter. They are wearing coveralls and
motorcycle
helmets.
They carry their jet (made from an eight foot piece of Styrofoam and set it by
the derby track They pay
no attention
to what Dan is saying..
Cub Master:
" Excuse me, gentlemen, EXCUSE ME GENTLEMEN!!!"
This gets
First adult's attention and he taps Second adult on the shoulder. They both
turn and face Cub
Master like
men from Devo.
Cub Master:
"What are you two trying to do?"
Both Second
adult and First adult make flying motions with their arms.
Cub Master:
"Oh you two think you are going flying do ya?"
Both Second
adult and First adult nod their bodies yes from the waist up. They butt heads??
Cub Master:
"Which one of you is the pilot?"
First adult
raises his hand.
Cub Master:
"What does the other guy do?"
Second adult
make the sign of the cross and put his hands together to pray.
Cub Master:
"Oh you pray huh? Do either of you two have any flying experience?"
First adult
and Second adult pull out paper airplanes from their coveralls and fly them.
Cub Master:
"Is that the only experience you have.
Both Second
adult and First adult nod their bodies yes from the waist up. They butt heads??
Cub Master:
"I'm afraid I am going to have to see your flying permits before I let you
take off on our course."
First adult
and Second adult look at each other, dig through their pockets, then look at
Cubmaster and shrug.
Cub Master:
"Well if you don't have any permits you know what that means don't
you?"
First adult
and Second adult wave good bye and pick up their airplane and leave.
Cub Master:
"Yes it means good-bye and don't forget to file your flight permit before
you come back.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
"I am
King, squire, and I need you to bring me my special papers."
Bringing in
some diplomatic looking things "Here are your papers, sire."
"Fool!
These are not my special papers. Off with his head! Squire two, bring me my
special papers! Do not
fail!"
Bringing in
a Wall Street Journal "Here are your special papers, sire"
"Fool!
These are not my special papers. To the dungeons with him! Squire three, bring
me my special
papers!"
Bringing him
a roll of toilet paper "Here are the special papers, sire"
"And
just in time!" The king grabs the toilet paper and runs offstage.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
Contestants
have numbers on their shirts and the judges have badges to distinguished them
from the
contestants.
Need a list of spelling words, toy guns (or hand if necessary) and a trophy.
There are two judges and
four
contestants. Judge #1 asks are you ready for the annual spelling contest. The
contestants say yes and
Judge #2
tells them good luck and let's begin. The first contestant steps forward misses
the word and is shot by
the judge.
Second contestant steps forward, spells the word, the judges confer, answering
right. The third
contestant
spells the word wrong and is shot. Contestant #4 comes forward spells his word,
the judges confer,
say he is
wrong and one raises the gun to shoot him. Contestant #4 tells the judge wait,
he is sure the word is
spelled
right. The judges confer again, say the contestant is right and they are wrong
and shoot themselves.
Contestants
#2 and #4 say that they guess that means they both win and walk off together
with the trophy.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
Characters:
Bud the pitcher, Bill, the reporters, Shorty the catcher, Gentleman from
Australia, Other visiting
gentlemen,
Two flashlight operators.
Scene:
Practice field. The front stage is very dimly lit. Across the back is a sheet
or lightweight curtain
through
which a light can shine.
The success
of the stunt depends on the ability of the pitcher, catcher, and flashlight
operators to coordinate
their
movements. The pitcher pantomimes a throw. When he says, "There," a
flashlight operator turns on his light
and makes it
shine through the screen. The light moves along the screen to resemble the
flight of the ball. The
catcher
pretends to catch the ball, and the flashlight goes off. The movement may or
may not mimic the flight of
that kind of
ball in a real game.
Bud comes on
stage, in front of the curtain. Bill steps up to him, followed by all the
visiting Gentlemen.
Bill: Hi,
Bud.
Bud: Hi,
Bill.
Bill:
Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Bud, the greatest pitcher in America.
Bud: Oh,
come on, Bill!
Bill: It's
true. Bud, these gentlemen represent the world wide athletic association. They
wanted to see the
greatest
American pitcher, so I brought them right to you.
Bud: Well, I
am flattered.
Bill: This
is Mr. Grossman from Australia, Mr. Blackwell from England, etc. (Add as many
names and
countries as
you need. Each shakes hands with Bud and then steps away.)
Grossman:
Excuse me, sir. We have heard about the different ways you pitch ball. Would
you demonstrate
a few balls
for us?
Bud: Glad
to. Have a seat. (points to a row of seats and they sit.)
Gentlemen:
Thank you.
Bud: Shorty?
Shorty:
(appearing) Yes, Bud?
Bud: What
shall I start with, Bill?
Bill: Start
with your fast ball.
Bud: O.K. a
fast ball. There! (light darts across screen, quickly. Gentlemen cheer.)
Bill: A slow
ball.
Bud: O.K. a
slow ball. There! (light moves very slowly across screen. Cheer.)
Bill: A
curve ball.
Bud: O.K. a
curve ball. There! (light moves in a fancy curve. Cheer)
Bill: A
knuckle ball.
Bud: O.K. a
knuckle ball. There! (light moves in a zig zag line. Cheer.)
Bill: How
about a sinker?
Bud: O.K.
here comes a sinker. There! (light glides along waist- high, then drops into
mitt. Cheer.)
Grossman:
Pardon me sir. I have heard about your split ball. Could you please show us?
Bud:
Certainly. A split ball. There! (The two flashlights start together. They seem
to separate, one high, one
low on the
screen. Then just as they near Shorty, they come together.)
Every one
cheers, pats Bud on the back as they all exit.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
289. SPL's Too Tough To Be Tasty
A mamma bear
(or other large carnivore) enters a butcher shop. She asks the butcher what he
has special
today.
Storekeeper:
"Road kill possum, only $.50/LB"
Mamma Bear:
"No thanks what else?"
Storekeeper:
"Fresh venison $1.00/LB"
Mamma Bear:
"No thanks, had that last week."
Proceed
through several more choices each slightly more expensive than the last. The
shopper refuses each
one.
Storekeeper:
"How about some fresh Boy Scout, $30.00/LB"
Mamma Bear:
"Thirty dollars a pound? Why so expensive?"
Storekeeper:
"Did 'ya ever try to clean one?"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
Gather to
the front of the group some people to be trees, birds, and babbling brooks.
Then ask for a volunteer
to be the
most important part, the hero. When he comes to the front, have him run among
the trees. Have a little
narrative
and then say; "Maybe the rest of you wonder when we know it's spring;
that's easy, because the sap is
running
through the tress."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
Cast: Poet,
Grass, Flowers, Birds, Frogs, 3 Trees, Victim
Setting: A
Poetry Reading Session
DO NOT READ
THIS POEM IN ITS ENTIRETY; READ IT LINE BY LINE AS INSTRUCTED; AT EACH STOP,
GET YOUR
VOLUNTEERS!
Spring is
sprung,
The grass is
growing,
The flowers
are blooming,
the birds
are singing,
And the
froggies are ribbitting.
The leaves
on the trees are growing,
And the sap
is running through the trees.
The poet is
standing in front of the crowd and announces his ode to spring.
Poet: This
is my latest poem, called Sp-ring is Sp-rung. (A great place to ham it up, by
lengthening out all the
"r"
& "l" words.)
Reads out
the first line and proceeds to the next -- stops at "the grass..."
Poet: Hmm. I
need some grass to demonstrate. (Get "grass.") Here, do just like
this (crouch down; hands
over head,
put together pointing up, then stand up slowly.) Now, let's start again.
Starts
again, the grass grows on cue, and gets to third line -- stops after blooming.
Poet: I need
at least one flower. (Get "flower.") You would be a great help. Just
like the grass, only make a
circle with
your hands instead when you're standing up.
Starts
again, grass grows, flower blooms, gets to the fourth line, just before the
word "birds" and of course
stops.
Poet: I need
a couple of birds. (Get "birds.") On cue, you will chirp like birds,
and perhaps flap your arms.
He starts again,
gets to the frogs, hits his head with his hand,
Poet: I
forgot the frogs. (Get "frogs.") You guys know how to jump like frogs
and go "ribbitt?" Good.
Remember, on
cue.
Yet again,
he starts from the beginning, and guess what happens when he gets to the trees?
You got it,
Pontiac --
he gets 3 trees, spreads them a few feet apart and instructs them to lift out
their arms like tree
branches,
and wiggling their fingers, of course on cue.
Poet: I
think I may have it right this time.
Once more
from the top he goes, and BEFORE he starts the last line, he gets the victim,
Poet: Oops,
I forgot the last person. (Get your victim now.) Now on cue, you will simply
run back and forth
between
these here trees. Got it? Great.
Once more he
goes through the poem and gets through it all the way.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
A scout
walks to the center of the campfire looking up at the sky, keeping his head and
neck very still. Soon
he is joined
by another scout and then another and so on. Each scout looks around and then
begins to look
toward the
sky. The last scout enters and asked the scout next to him, "what are we
looking at. He answers "I
don't
know." and then that scout asked the next until the question and get to
the original scout. The original scout
replies:
"I don't know. I've got a stiff neck!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
Announcer:
Here we see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
Ian : (Walks
up to St. Peter) Hello, St. Peter. I see I've come to Heaven.
St. Peter:
Well, you're not in yet ! First you've got to tell me how you suffered on
Earth.
Ian : Well,
I spent a week eating camp food.
St. Peter:
I'm sorry, you haven't suffered enough. (Ian exits dejectedly.)
Doug :
(Enters) Hi, I'm here to get into Heaven.
St. Peter:
Fine, fine. And how have you suffered ?
Doug : I
went on a long hike and got blisters all over my feet.
St. Peter:
Sorry. That's not enough suffering to get into Heaven. (Doug exits)
Brad :
(Enters) Can I get into Heaven ?
St. Peter:
How did you suffer ?
Brad : I'm
in (Pick someone's name who can take a joke) (troop/pack/six/class, etc.)
St. Peter:
Well, come on in !!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
Cast: Tour
Guide, Group of Tourists (optional), 1 Victim, Statues, Aquaman Statue with
mouthful of water
Setting:
Statue Museum (or Warehouse of Old, Unused Statues)
Guide:
Welcome to the museum of Superheroes. We have an unique collection of statues
in that you can
press a
button and the statues come alive to imitate their real life counterparts. See
here, for instance. This is
Superman.
Watch as I push the button on his chest.
Superman
comes out of stiff standing position and takes a flying position, then resumes
a stiff standing
position.
Guide continues through the tour, occasionally letting someone try the statues
of Spiderman, the Flash,
Batman,
Wonderwoman, each with a different action and way of activating them (pull arm,
press nose, and so on.)
Finally they
get to Aquaman.
Guide: Now
this is our last statue; Aquaman is our pride and joy. However, it seems that
sometimes it just
won't
activate. Better let me try first. (Pulls arm. Nothing. "Aquaman," he
whispers. He tries the arm again.
Nothing.)
(To victim) You, Sir? Would you like to try? He's rather finicky. Maybe he'll
work if you try.
Victim tries
and Aquaman spits out a mouthful of water at him.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
The scene
opens with a statue (boy, standing still) posed as a famous statue such as The
Thinker or The
Discus
Thrower. Another person introduces himself as Dr. Arthritic Kneecap of the
University of Amputation and
Mutilation.
He talks about having discovered a formula to revitalize calcium deposits; even
would work on this
statue he
says. The doctor pours the bottle on the statue and it slowly comes to life.
The statue and the professor
talk about
being alive. The doctor then asks the statue what is the first thing you want
to do. The statue says that
he wants to
kill 5,000 pigeons with his bare hands.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
Cast:
General Montcalm, Sergeant-Major, Captain, Sergeant, Private
Setting:
French base in Quebec City during Montcalm's and Wolfe's historical
confrontation
General
Montcalm, wanting to know what General Wolfe was up to and what his position
was, decided to send
out some
reconnaissance.
General
Montcalm: (To Sergeant-Major) Send out a Scout to see what General Wolfe's
troops are p to!
Sergeant
Major: (To Private) Find out what General Wolfe's troops are up to!
Private goes
off, then a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging on
to his life.
Sergeant Major:
(To Private) What's wrong? Did you find anything about Wolfe's troops?
Private: (In
raspy, dying voice) Bacon Tree! (And he dies.)
Sergeant
Major: Inexperienced fool! (To Sergeant) Find out what General Wolfe's troops
are up to!
Captain goes
off, then a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging on
to his life.
Sergeant
Major: (To Sergeant) What's wrong? What's Wolfe's position?
Sergeant:
(In raspy, dying voice) Bacon Tree! (And he dies.)
Sergeant
Major: He obviously wasn't inconspicuous enough! (To Captain) Find out what
General Wolfe's
troops are
up to!
Sergeant
goes off, then a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging
on to his life.
Sergeant
Major: (To Captain) What's wrong? What's Wolfe doing?
Captain: (In
raspy, dying voice) Bacon Tree! (And he dies.)
Sergeant
Major: What's wrong with you people? I guess I'll have to find out what General
Wolfe's troops are
up to
myself!
Sergeant
Major goes off, then a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely
clinging on to his life.
General
Montcalm: (To Sergeant Major) What's wrong? What are General Wolfe's
troops up
to?
Sergeant
Major: (In raspy, dying voice) Bacon Tree! (And he dies.)
General
Montcalm: What's this Bacon tree? I guess I'll have to find out what General
Wolfe's troops are up to
myself!
General
Montcalm goes off, then a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely
clinging on to his life.
General
Montcalm: (In a raspy, dying voice) Those fools! That was no Bacon Tree! That
was a Hambush!
(And he
dies.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
Get one
volunteer from the audience and the den/patrol lines up sitting in a straight
line with the volunteer at
the end. The
scout in front (Captain) looks through his periscope and yells, "Enemy
Ship!" which is repeated down
the line.
The Captain then issues the following commands which are repeated down the
line: "Fire Torpedo
One!...."We
Missed!"...."Fire Two!"..."We Missed!"...."Fire
Three!"...."We Missed Again, You Blockhead"...."Enemy
Torpedo
Coming our Way!"...."We've Sprung a Leak"....as the last command
is repeated the next to the last
person
throws hidden confetti on the last person in line; the volunteer.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
All the
Scouts are standing in a line one behind the next. Each time the first boy says
his line to the second
boy. The
second boy repeats it to the third. This continues until it reaches the last
boy in the back. The boy in the
back then
replies. This message gets relayed to the front in a similar fashion.
First to
last- Lower periscope (last boy flips a switch)
Last to
first- Periscope lowered (first boy turns his hat backwards and looks through
periscope)
First to
last- Fire torpedo 1 (last boy flips a switch)
Last to
first- Torpedo 1 away.
First to
last- We missed.
Last to
first- Darn!
First to
last- Fire torpedo 2 (last boy flips a switch)
Last to
first- Torpedo 2 away (All the boys get into a football huddle, arms
interlocked)
All
together- "We sunk a rowboat! We sunk a rowboat!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
Another
2-person skit you can use on the spur of the moment, if you just so happen to have
the props, the
main ones
being the raincoat and drawings.
Cast: Story
teller, Victim, appropriate sound effects & Helpers, raincoat, cup of water
Storyteller:
I need a volunteer to take submarine training. (Put victim under the coat and
hold up an arm of
the coat to
use as a periscope.) Now to be a good submarine captain, you must be able to
use the periscope. So
let's
practice a bit. Can you see the fire? How about those tents? The table? The
moon? The stars? (Continue
until (s)he
becomes proficient.) Let's start our mission. You are the captain of this fine
submarine, the S.S. Kaput.
You are to
bring it about on maneuvers and sink enemy ships. So here we go, in the middle
of the Atlantic Ocean.
Oh! Here
comes an enemy ship to the right! Can you see him? (Show a drawing of a ship.)
Blow him up!
(When he
fires, sink the ship.) Good going! Now turn the submarine to port, and then to
starboard (Left & right.)
Oh, Oh --
there's a storm brewing. (Shake him a bit.) Do you see that Island? Try to go
there to seek cover. Can
you see the
waves? My, aren't they big? And they're crashing against the rocks! What a big
storm! Can you see
it? Can you
see the waves? No? (Pour the water down the arm.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
Five or six
fishermen sit on the end of the dock (chairs), casting and winding in their
lines. One fisherman is
catching all
the fish: the others have no luck. In turn, the unlucky ones ask the successful
fisherman why he's
doing so
well. Each time, he mumbles a reply without opening his mouth, and nobody can
tell what he is saying.
When the
last person asks the question, the successful fisherman sighs, spits into his
hand, and says, "You have
to keep the
worms warm."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 281 through 300
Cast: Super
Clutz, Little Kid, 3 People
Setting:
City Street
Super Clutz
is wearing a jacket for a cape, inside out shirt, inside out shorts, backwards
hat, etc.
Little Kid:
(Crying) Super Clutz! Can you help me? I've lost a quarter!
Super Clutz:
OK. I'll try my best! (Walks around on streets, looking to ground for quarter.)
Man:
(Calling out from burning building) Super Clutz! The building is on fire! Help
Me!
Super Clutz:
Sorry, I'm busy! (Walks around some more.)
Woman:
(Being mugged) Help me, Super Clutz! They've taken my purse!
Super Clutz:
Sorry! I'm busy! (Walks around some more.)
Man: (From
wrecked car) Super Clutz! Get me out of here before the car blows up!
Super Clutz:
Sorry! I'm busy!
Little kid
runs up to him.
Kid: Super
Klutz! I found my quarter! It was in my pocket all the time!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
Requires
a lot of imagination or some props to show that these guys are horses and a
Martian.
Cast: 2
Horses, Martian, perhaps some costumes
Setting:
Race Track
If
necessary, explain that these are two horses and a Martian.
#1: You
know, I had a bad day on the track today. My rider must have eaten a lot last
night, because he was
a lot
heavier than usual, so my back got really tired and I almost tripped.
#2: I've had
similar problems. My rider hits me in the side so much with his feet that I
can't run because it
hurts so
much.
#1: Say, did
you hear that the ugly mare is going to be entered into the grooming contest?
The mane on that
thing just
doesn't compare to either of ours.
#2: You're
right. Things in the racing world just don't seem to be fair to us horses.
Martian: You
know, I could help you two out with your problems.
#1 & 2:
Look! A talking Martian!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
This skit
requires little preparation and no props, and has only two speaking parts. It
can use a cast of
hundreds,
and it is full of blood, gore, and dead bodies. That makes it perfect for Cub
Scouts and campfires.
Preparation
The Wizard
and the lone Scout need to rehearse their lines, and everybody should practice
a few times. The
practice is
as much fun as the skit. Encourage all participants to ham it up. The Wizard
should wear a long
bathrobe.
The Skit
A lone Scout
rushes onto the stage and screams that the enemy is coming. He has no weapons
to fight with!
What should
he do? "I know. I'll have to ask the Wizard. It's my only chance to save
humanity from the terrible
enemy."
The Wizard
enters the stage, and the Scout rushes to him begging for help. The Wizard
tells him not to panic,
and hands
him a secret invisible sword. The Wizard explains the sword, and tells him to
say, "Stabety Stab!"
when he uses
it. The Wizard assures the Scout that this magic sword will protect him.
The Wizard
retires to a quiet corner of the stage.
The Scout is
delighted. He waves the sword around, and tells everybody about it. He boasts
about what he
will do with
it. He moves to one end of the stage.
Several
enemy soldiers sneak onto the other side of the stage, saying, "There he
is" and "Let's get him." The
Scout panics
as they approach, worries aloud about what to do, and finally remembers to use
the magic sword.
Yelling
"Stabety Stab!" over and over, he kills all of the enemy in a mighty
battle. He is very proud of himself, and
boasts of
his ability.
More enemy
soldiers begin to enter. The Scout starts forward, yelling "Stabety
Stab!" but the enemy keeps
on coming.
The Scout rushes back to the Wizard for more help. The Wizard gives him an
invisible gun, telling
him to yell,
"Bangety Bang!"
Again the
Scout boasts about his weapon, goes into battle, and kills all the enemy. Again
he boasts that he
can defeat
any enemy with the Wizard's magic weapons.
The
situation is repeated, and the Scout tries "Bangety Bang!" and
"Stabety Stab!" without success. This time
the Wizard
gives him a magic laser, for which the Scout yells, "Zapety Zap!"
Again he kills all the enemy and
boasts. The
Wizard quietly disappears.
A single
enemy soldier enters the stage. He is the biggest Scout in camp. He creeps
slowly forward, as our
Scout boasts
about how easily he can defeat the enemy. The enemy soldier ignores the
"Stabety Stab!", "Bangety
Bang!",
and "Zapety Zap!", as the Scout tries them several times. The Scout
looks desperately for the Wizard.
The enemy
moves faster across the stage. As he knocks the Scout down and runs over him,
he yells,
"Tankety
Tank! Tankety Tank!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
Scene: Two
Cubs in a pup tent.
Cub 1: Tie
up the flap. It's cold outside!
Cub 2: Oh,
go to sleep and you won't feel the cold.
Cub 1: Oh
please close the flap. It's so cold outside!
Cub 2: Jumps
up, pulls down the flap, jumps back into sleeping bag. Now, there. Is it warmer
outside?
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
The object
is to set up a bear warning system. One at a time set up five to eight fellows
standing shoulder to
shoulder.
The warning system is set up by having each of them repeating the following
message:
Leader:
"Thar's a Bar." (correct pronunciation is important)
Bear Warner:
"Whar?" (be certain that he pronounces it correct, if not correct
him.)
Leader:
"Over Thar." (pointing with his right hand and arm extended)
A to B:
"Thar's a Bar." (at which point he will probably point, so correct
him.)
B:
"Whar?"
A:
"Over Thar." (now he should point with the arm extended for the rest
of the skit.)
B - C:
"Thar's a Bar." ... and so on until the last one says it to the
leader.
Go through
the same procedure with the left hand. The third time have both hands extended,
right leg
extended,
bent down. Last time the leader goes through the ritual, he pushes the guy next
to him so that the rest
will fall
like dominoes.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
Cast: Nature
Guide, 3-4 Victims (line them up as you get them)
Guide: I'm
going to bring you through an imaginary trip to follow a bear's daily
activities. First, I need a
volunteer
(He will be a victim). First, we'll kneel down, you in front of me. Then I'm
going to say, "There's a bear!"
and you're
going to respond, "Where?" and I'll point him out. You still won't
see him and repeat, "Where?" and I'll
point him
out, and then you'll say, "Ahh. I see him, he's over there!" and
point the same way I did.
Guide:
There's a bear!
1: Where?
Guide: Over
there!
1: Where?
Guide: Over
there!
1: Ahh. I
see him, he's over there!
Continue by
introducing the other victims, one at a time and lining them up in front of
your previous victim, and
repeating
the same sketch, but increasing the length as you go through it in a
repetitious manner ie. you point out
to #1, then
he to #2, then he to #3, then he to #4. Finally,
Guide: Guess
what? He fell over! (Push over your victims)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
A Scout is
sitting in his tent which is a mess, everything scattered around. Several other
scouts come over
and ask what
he is doing. The Scout replies he is thinking. The other Scouts continue asking
questions and are
finally
told, "I am thinking about my invention." The other scouts want to
help (begging and hamming it up). Finally
the Scout
says, "OK, but do you rally want to help?" The other scouts plead and
beg. The Scout begins to instruct
each Scout to
pick up items and place them in the tent somewhere, (continue until everything
is picked up, thereby
cleaning up
the tent.) When the tent is completely picked up, the Scout says: "Well
that takes care of it". The
other
scouts, inquire, "takes care of what?". The Scout replies: "My
invention, I just invented a way to get my tent
cleaned."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
The man
leads his donkey around the campfire. "Water! Water!" cries the
donkey with a raspy voice.
"Patience,
jackass, patience" says the man.
The man
leads his donkey around the campfire. "Water! Water!" cries the
donkey with a raspy voice.
"Patience,
jackass, patience" says the man.
The man
leads his donkey around the campfire. "Water! Water!" cries the
donkey with a raspy voice.
"Patience,
jackass, patience" says the man.
The man
leads his donkey around the campfire. "Water! Water!" cries the
donkey with a raspy voice.
"Patience,
jackass, patience" says the man.
And they
keep walking in circles around the campfire and repeating this (about 5 times)
until someone in the
audience
yells, "Hey, when are you going to get to the punch line???"
The man
yells back "Patience, jackass, patience!!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
Cast: 5
fisherman, and props to show a boat, water level (about two feet off floor),
and a bench
Setting:
Fishing on a lake
#1: I'm
thirsty, but the cooler's on the beach. I guess I'll have to go get one there.
(He seems to
walk on water, by walking on the bench, and comes back. #5 is interested.)
#2: I'm
thirsty, but the cooler's on the beach. I guess I'll have to go get one there.
(He seems to
walk on water, by walking on the bench, and comes back. #5 is confused.)
#3: I'm
thirsty, but the cooler's on the beach. I guess I'll have to go get one there.
(He seems to
walk on water, by walking on the bench, and comes back.)
#5: How do
you do that? (Doesn't get an answer.)
#4: I'm
thirsty, but the cooler's on the beach. I guess I'll have to go get one there.
(He seems to
walk on water, by walking on the bench, and comes back. #5 is perplexed.)
#5: Okay.
Let me try this.
(He tries to
walk on water, but begins to sink into the water.)
#3: Should
we have told him where the rocks are?
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
Three guys
all bandaged up and smeared with dirt and blood come dragging into the meeting
with the
disbelieving
tail the fantastic battle that they had just gone through. "what a battle,
what fantastic odds, we never
should have
attempted it in the first place, 3 against a 1000, unbelievable; hamming it up.
Finally, one guy says,
"Yeah
they were the toughest three guys I've ever seen.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
Version
1:
Players: a
prospector, two tired hikers, and a "dog"
Scene: An
old prospector seated around his campfire eating dinner. First tired hiker
walks up to the campfire.
1st Hiker:
"Hey, old timer. That grub smells mighty good; would you happen to have
any extra to spare?"
Prospector:
"Sure, sonny; hand me that empty plate over their and I'll fix you right
up."
1st Hiker:
"Gee, this plate looks kinda dirty."
Prospector:
"Dirty? That plates not dirty; it's a clean as Three Rivers can get
it." Prospector dishes up the
food; hiker
shrugs and eats.
1st Hiker:
"Well, thanks for the grub. I've got to be moving on."
1st Hiker
leaves and prospector continues eating. 2nd hiker walks up to the campfire.
2nd Hiker:
"Boy, I've been hiking for miles and I sure am hungry. Would you have any
of that great stew to
share?"
Prospector:
You bet; hand me that bowl over there and I'll fill it up for you."
2nd Hiker
(makes face as he looks into the bowl): "This bowl seems pretty dirty to
me; do have a cleaner
one?"
Prospector:"
Dirty? Why that bowl's as clean as Three Rivers can get it."
Prospector
dishes up the food; hiker shrugs and eats.
2nd Hiker:
"I've got to be going; thanks for the food."
2nd hiker
leaves and prospector finishes eating.
Prospector:
"Well, that was mighty good grub. Now, time to clean the dishes."
(Prospector
puts dishes on the ground and whistles). "Three Rivers! Here, Three
Rivers!". ("dog" comes
running and
starts cleaning the plates.) "Good dog, Three Rivers."
Version
2:
Scene: Two
prospectors meet. First prospector has camp set up and good cooking. Dog is
sitting beside
him. (Boy on
all fours is dog.) Second prospector comes in pulling mule named Sunshine. (Two
boys covered
with blanket
are mule.)
Props: Pick,
pan, No. 10 cans for cooking, two beat-up hats, mask for dog (if desired) and
blanket for mule.
Prospector
1: Howdy!
Prospector
2: Howdy!
Prospector
1: Any luck?
Prospector
2: Nope!
Prospector
1: Come fur?
Prospector
2: Quite a job.
Prospector
1: Et lately?
Prospector
2: This mornin.
Prospector
1: Hungry?
Prospector
2: Yep.
Prospector
1: Join me?
Prospector
2: Don't mind iffen I do.
Prospector
1: Have a plate.
Prospector
2: (Holds up plate and looks at it) Don't want to seem to be pickyunish, but
ain't this plate a mite
dirty here
in the corner?
Prospector
1: (Looks scornfully at him) Well now, it all depends on how you look at it.
But I'll tell you one thing
for sure.
It's as clean as Three Rivers can get it.
Prospector
2: (Shakes his head looking at plate) Clean as Three Rivers can get it?
(Mule brays
a loud "hee-haw")
Prospector
2: Shut your mouth, Sunshine. You heard what the man said.
(1st
prospector dishes out stew and they eat.)
Prospector
2: Mighty good vittles.
Prospector
1: Thanks pardner. Mind handin' me the plates so we kin clean em up?
(2nd
prospector hands him the plates)
Prospector
1: (Puts plates on floor and calls loudly over his shoulder)
Here Three
Rivers. Here Three Rivers.
(Dog comes
up and starts licking plates.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
Basically,
you get the Den or Patrol together, and they sing,
"We're
three scoops of raisins,
three scoops
of raisins,
We're three
scoops of raisins--
In Kellogg's
Raisin Bran!"
At this
point, another scout comes running out with a big wooden spoon, saying,
"Yum yum, raisin bran, ohh
boy, I love
raisin bran," and he grabs one of the raisins and drags him off kicking
and screaming. He comes back
in a few seconds
later, licking his spoon in a satisfied manner.
Now the
raisins singe, "We're two scoops or raisins," etc.
Same thing
happens again--guys grabs one of the raisins, drags him off, etc.
When you get
down to the last guy, he sings, "I'm one sc--sc--oop of
r-r-r-raisins," etc., "In K-K-K-ellogg's
Raisin
B-B-B-ran," looking around in a terrified manner.
Of course,
the guy comes charging out, waving his spoon, at which point the raisin exits,
singing, "Oh I wish I
were an
Oscar Meyer Wiener..."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
Fans are
standing in line waiting to buy tickets for the big game, movie, or concert.
Four fans are standing in
line, saying
how much they want to attend the event and wondering when the ticket window is
going to open to sell
tickets. A
person walks up to the front of the line. The fans get upset telling him to not
butt in line and to go to the
end of the
line and began to shove him back. This person tries once more to reach the
front of the line and then
gives up and
says something to the effect; "I'm giving up, they can get someone else to
open this ticket window.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
A Scout is
sitting in a bench in the park reading the newspaper, getting tired he lies
down for a nap. A few
minutes
latter a Scout comes by, wakes him and asks for the time. The Sleeping scouts
says its 6:45. The Scout
goes back to
sleep. Repeat this process three times, with it being thirty minutes latter
each time (7:15, 7:45, 8:15).
The Scout
then takes out a marker and writes on the paper, "I don't have the
Time!", places it over his head and
goes back to
sleep. The final Scout walks up; reads the message, wakes the sleeping scout up
and says: "Hey,
its a
quarter to nine!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
Number of
participants: 4 or more
Props:
Articles of clothing
# 2 enters
and passes # 1, wearing a hat.
# 1:
"Where did you get the hat ?"
# 2:
"Montgomery Ward."
# 3: enters
and passes # 1 carrying a pair of pants.
# 1:
"Where did you get the new pants ?"
# 3:
"Montgomery Ward."
Others enter
carrying new articles of clothing and offer similar explanations. Finally # 4
enters wearing just
underwear.
# 1:
"Who do you think you are dressed like that ?"
# 4:
"I'm Montgomery Ward !"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
A boy with a
toothache complains to another boy. The other boy says he will help and pulls
out tooth with a
pair of
pliers. The boy with the toothache says wrong tooth. Another person comes along
and gives him some
apples
saying that will cure his toothache. Boy ends up with a stomachache. Another
person says to tie a string
to his tooth
and tie the other end to a door. The door slams in the face of the boy with the
toothache. He now has
a toothache,
headache, and a stomachache. Another person enters with some hedge clippers or
a axe or
something.
He says, "I hear you have a toothache". The boy with the toothache
says, "Not that !" and runs off the
stage.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
In this you
need two cups of water and four or more people. The people in the skit all line
up in a row in front
of the
audience. The first person in line has water in his cup and the last person in
line has an empty cup with
some water
hidden in his mouth.
The skit
starts off with the narrator saying something about this is a demonstration of
how a person can brush
his teeth
when there is a shortage of water. The first person takes a drink of water from
his cup and proceeds to
brush his
teeth with his finger. After a few seconds he stops and places his head against
the ear of the next
person in
line and that person's cheeks begin to bulge out as the first persons deflate.
This person (the second
person
brushes his teeth with his finger for a few seconds and then puts his mouth
against the next person's ear
with the
same results and son on down the line until the last person in line in reached.
This person upon finishing
brushing his
teeth releases the water he has in his mouth into the cup in his hand.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
Two boys
enter as if following a trail. They begin to argue over what kind of tracks
they are: "I say they are
raccoon
tracks" "No they're wolf tracks" "No they're badger tracks
...". The argument continues until they are
suddenly run
over by a train. (Several boys linked together making chuga choo sounds, boy in
front has a
flashlight.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
"This
is Eddy, the amazing trained caterpillar." (Three or four guys with a
sheet over them, sort of like a
Chinese New
Year Dragon.) "Eddy, left!" (Everyone shambles left) "Eddy,
right!" (Everyone shambles right.) "Eddy,
sit!"
(The caterpillar sits.) "Eddy, fetch!" (Throw something that can be
picked up with the feet, the first guy gets it
with his
foot and the others stabilize him, return it.)
"OK, now
for Eddy's best trick. We've been practicing this all week. We need a volunteer
from the audience.
Lie down,
and Eddy will walk over you without harming you!" (Eddy does it, but the
last guy dumps a glass of water
on the
volunteer.) "Oh! Sorry! Eddy's not potty-trained yet."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
Two boys are
standing on a track arguing over what the animal that has been run over on the
track is....
#1: It's a
deer
#2: Nope,
it's bear
#1: I'm sure
it's a deer
#2: Uh-uh...
look there. It's a bear...
As this goes
on continuously, a group of scouts form a line, all holding on to each other's
hips and form a train.
They then
come chugging along the track towards the guys arguing about the animal (lots
of chug-chug noises
here). When
they get to the two guys arguing they run them over and then, from the first
two guys in the train line you
hear....
Train #1:
What'd ya think we hit?
Train #2: It
was a deer
Train #1:
But it looked like a bear...
off the
stage....
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 301 through 320
All the boys
except one lined up in a row facing the audience, spaced at least Three feet
apart. The remaining
boy was the
narrator. An adult "volunteer" Was selected; usually this was the
scoutmaster. He is instructed to
stand off To
the side until he hears the word spring. That is his que to start running
Between the trees for a few
minutes.
The audience
is first told the boys are trees during the summer. Their Branches are strong
and sturdy, and
they are
full of leaves providing shade to The forest animals. While the narrator is
talking, the "trees" raise their
Arms and
mime what the narrator is saying.
Next the
audience is told about a tree in the fall and how it begins to lose Its leaves.
The "trees" should begin
to sag their
branches.
Next the
audience is told about a tree in the winter time and how the wind Howls through
their bare limbs.
Someone can
supply the sound effects if you Desire, and the boys should be moving like
their is a large gust of
wind Pushing
them around.
Finally, on
cue as you say the word spring, have the volunteer move quickly Between the
trees several times.
You will
finish the skit by saying "...... And Also in the springtime, notice how
quickly the sap runs through the
trees."
This skit
can be as long or as short as you want to make it. As each season is Discussed
in as great as detail
as you want.
The trees should be mimicking what The narrator is saying. Make sure the
narrator places
emphasis on
the word Sap, so the audience reacts quickly to the gag.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
A child
comes home with a bag full of treats. The parent says that he needs to inspect
the candy. Gives
excuses for
not giving most of it back. After the child leaves, the parent says that he
must do what he has to do to
protect the
child and proceeds to eat some of the candy.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
323. Trimming the Christmas Tree
Cast:
Mother, Father, Child, scout staff with sprig of evergreen lashed to the top;
materials to make snipping
and sawing
sounds (you can pre-record these on cassette tape.)
Setting:
Kitchen
Mother is on
stage, father and child out of sight.
Father tells
child to go ask mother how the tree looks.
Child runs
onstage and asks.
Mother peers
through imaginary kitchen window, hints and says it needs more off this side.
Child runs
off stage and repeats her directions. Sounds of sawing, snipping, etc.
Repeat
several times, with mother pointing in different directions each time, father
perhaps becoming
impatient,
and child becoming more and more tired. Finally many sounds of sawing and
snipping. Father marches
on stage
with staff, show it to mother and audience.
Father: Now
is it right?!?
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
Four guys
dressed up like turkeys waiting for the Best Turkey Contest with one turkey
really strutting his stuff.
Feathers can
be made from construction paper and brown type clothes worn. The one turkey who
is strutting his
stuff,
really wants to win, he preens, even leaves for a minute coming back with
additional stuffing sticking out.
Comments are
made about this turkey by the others. The contest begins and the strutting
turkey wins only to find
out that the
winner gets to be Thanksgiving Dinner. The turkey starts to run and the judge
chases after him telling
the audience
how he loves a happy winner.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
325. The Twelve Days of Christmas
Characters:
Bob, 12 Cub Scout friends (if den has less than 12 boys, have them repeat their
entrance on
stage)
Props: Items
called for in skit on a table (use your imagination to create wilder items)
Setting: Bob
is standing by table with props. As each boy enters, he hands him the
appropriate item.
Cub #1: On
the first day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- a knob to adjust my TV.
Thanks Bob.
Bob: You're
welcome!
(Each cub
takes items and exits. Then next cub enters from opposite side of stage)
Cub #2: On
the second day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- two napkins. Thanks
Bob.
Bob: You
bet!
Cub #3: On
the third day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- three French fries.
Thanks Bob!
Bob: No
problem!
Cub #4: On
the fourth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- four comic books.
Thanks Bob!
Bob: Glad to
do it!
Cub #5: On
the fifth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- five rusty nails.
Thanks Bob!
Bob: Don't
mention it!
Cub #6: On
the sixth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- six greasy rags. Thanks
Bob!
Bob: OK!
Cub #7: On
the seventh day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- seven soggy sweatshirts.
Thanks
Bob!
Bob: Yeah,
you're right!
Cub #8: On
the eighth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- eight mugs for milk
shakes. Thanks
Bob!
Bob: Give me
five! (does high five with Cub #8)
Cub #9: On
the ninth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- nine dirty dustpans.
Thanks Bob!
Bob: Cool
dude!
Cub #10: On
the tenth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- ten leaping lizards.
Thanks Bob!
Bob: Check
you later!
Cub #11: On
the eleventh day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- eleven pies for
pitching. Thanks
Bob! ( A pie
plate full of whipped cream can actually be thrown at Bob here - if you like!)
Bob: (wiping
off cream) That's what friends are for!
Cub #12: On
the twelfth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- twelve dump trucks
dumping. Thanks
Bob!
Bob: Bye,
pal! (last cub exits, table is cleared of all props) Now, let's see. That was
(singing) twelve dump
trucks
dumping, eleven pies for pitching, ten leaping lizards, nine dirty dustpans,
eight mugs for milk shakes,
seven soggy
sweatshirts, six greasy rags, FIVE RUSTY NAILS, four comic books, three French
fries, two napkins
and a knob
to adjust my TV. (looks at audience and wipes brow) Whew! I finally did it. I
finally got my closet
cleaned out!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
A mother and
a father had several children, now all the children had their mouths twisted
out of shape except
their son
John, who they had sent to college and had just returned. They all got ready
for bed and Mother asked
Father to
blow out the light. "Yes I will," was his reply. "I wish you
would," said she. "Well I will," said he. Father
blows upward
due to the twist in his mouth. Father asks mother (use the same sequence of
phrases as in the
previous
sentence), she blows downward. Mother asks daughter, daughter blows to the
right. Mother asks son
(not John)
who blows to the left. Finally, John, the college son is asked. He blows
straight and blows out the
candle.
Father then says, "What a blessed thing it is to have a son with an
education."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
327. Ugliest Man in the World (or Bad Breath)
Cast: UMITW
under blanket, Circus Announcer, as many people as you want (say up to 4 or 5),
victim
Setting:
Circus, Boardwalk
Announcer:
Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Come and see the Ugliest Man in the
World! (or Smell
the Worst
Breath in the World!) Ah you, Sir, would you like to try?
#1: Sure,
why not! I've got a strong stomach! (looks under and faints (or says, Bad
Breath!))
Continue
with your other "volunteers." Each faints with, "Oh,
Gross," "He's Ugleeeee!" and so on. Bring in
your victim
and invite him to look (or smell.) Suddenly, the UMITW faints in a similar
manner to the volunteers (or
says, Bad
Breath!)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
A lady is
riding on a train with her baby wrapped in a blanket. A stranger comes and sits
down next to her. He
asked if he
can see the baby. Upon opening the blanket the stranger says: "Ma'am,
that's the ugliest baby I have
ever
seen." She yells at him ( you beast, how can you say such a thing, etc.)
and hits him with her fist until he
leaves.
Repeat this three times. While beating the third stranger she yells for the
conductor. She complains to
the
conductor that this is the third man who has "insulted my little
darling". The conductor urges the stranger to a
new seat.
The conductor returns to apologize and tells the lady that he wants his riders
to be happy. He tells the
lady he will
bring a her a drink and he'll stop by the kitchen and get a banana for her
monkey.!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
Mad
Scientist and a monster named Harold. The mad scientist talks about his gratest
creation Harold. The
scientist
asks for a volunteer out of the audience. The mad scientist tells Harold to
rise up, walk forward, and then
the monster
gets near the volunteer to kill him. Harold grabs the volunteer and kills him
and returns back behind
the
scientist. The mad scientist goes on about how great his monster is, repeating
his commands for Harold to
stand up,
move forward and kill. What the mad scientist doesn't realize is that Harold is
reacting to his
commands.
The mad scientist continues to gloat as Harold comes forward and kills him.
Harold continues
walking
toward the audience as the stage blacks out.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
The singers
are on stage. An announcer explains that they are going to sing upside down!
They duck out of
sight behind
a curtain (a sheet held by two accomplices will do). Placing their hands in
their shoes, they wobble
the shoes
above the curtain top looking as they are having trouble standing on their
heads and are about to topple
over while
singing. They requires practice and the assistance of someone to direct them.
To end the skit let one
of the
curtain holders become distracted and accidentally drop the curtain revealing
the "upside down singers" in
action."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
Scene: One
vampire, standing on stage, takes a can marked "blood", pours tomato
juice from it into a glass
and drinks
it. The second vampire enters.
Vampire #1:
Mmm. Delicious. Vould you like some?
Vampire #2:
no, thanks. I couldn't drink another bite.
Vampire #1:
So vat's new.
Vampire #2:
Nothing much. I just saw a poor old bum begging on the street corner.
Vampire #1:
You did. Vat did he say?
Vampire #2
He vanted me to help him. He said he hadn't had a bite in days.
Vampire #1:
So what did you do?
Vampire #2:
Vat else? Naturally, I bit him!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
Version
1:
An office
setting with a boss and an assistant who runs in and tells the boss that his
just received a message
that the
Viper is coming. The boss gets very agitated and upset repeating the
assistant's message. Several
others come
in repeating the same message. They are all in a state of panic when the last
person comes on
stage with a
squeegee and a sponge announcing, "I'm the vindow viper. I've come to vipe
your vindows. Vhere
do I
start."
Version
2:
Cast: 4
Kids, The Viper, rags, pump spray
#1: (Comes
running in) The viper is coming in an hour! Hide! (Runs out)
#2: (A
moment later; runs in) The viper is coming in half an hour! Run! (Runs out)
#3: (A
moment later; runs in) The viper is coming in 15 minutes! Call for help! (Runs
out)
#4: (A
moment later; runs in) The viper is coming in 5 minutes! Save yourselves! (Runs
out)
Viper: (A
moment later, with props) Hallo! I'm de Viper! Vere's de Vindows?
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
Ideal for a
six or patrol, this skit calls for three or four members standing close
together, backs to audience, as
the wall;
one to play an employee leaning against the wall; and one to play the boss. The
scene opens with the
employee
leaning against the wall. The boss walks in, looking at some papers, sees the
idle employee, stops.
Boss: You
there! What's your name?
Employee:
Billy Bob, sir.
Boss: Well,
what do you think you're doing, leaning against that wall like you're holding
it up.
Employee:
But, I am holding it up, sir.
(Boss
splutters angrily, tells the employee what a useless, good-for-nothing he is.
Employee protests, but in
vain.)
Boss: You're
fired! Get out!
(The
employee edges out along the wall, still trying to protest. The boss turns to
audience: the wall creaks.)
Boss:
Imagine! That lazy son-of-a-gun trying to tell me he was holding up....
(The wall
noisily falls on the boss, who collapses under it with a scream.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
Three Scouts
are seated in a restaurant. A waiter approaches them.
Waiter :
What'll you have?
Scout 1:
I'll have a tuna on rye.
Waiter : Why
tuna? Salmon's much better. And have it on whole wheat, it's healthier.
Scout 1:
Okay, okay. Make it salmon on whole wheat. Waiter : And you?
Scout 2:
I'll have bacon and tomato on toast. And coffee.
Waiter :
Bacon's not good for you. And coffee strains your heart. Have a nice roast beef
sandwich and a cup
of tea.
Scout 2:
Okay, make it a roast beef sandwich and tea.
Waiter : How
about you?
Scout 3:
What do you suggest?
Waiter : Who
has time to make suggestions?
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
Cast:
Waiter, Customers
Setting:
Restaurant
Customer 1:
Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Shh!
Everyone else will want one!
Same line
continues on with other customers about a fly being in alphabet soup (He's
learning to read!)
What's this
fly doing in my soup? (The backstroke, Sir!) There's a fly in my soup! (Pass
him a life preserver!) I
just took a
fly out of my soup. What do you think you should do? (Give First Aid!) Finally:
Last
Customer: Waiter, did you know that there's a fly in my ice cream, too?
Waiter: No!
I didn't know they were into winter sports!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
You need
six chairs together, and one for the secretary.
The scene
is a doctor's office.
The first
person comes in. His shoulder twitches once every 3 seconds. Secretary:
"Please take a seat, the
doctor will
be with you shortly."
The second
guy comes in. One eye twitches once a second. Secretary: "Please take a
seat, the doctor will
be with you
shortly." He takes a seat, and after about 5 seconds, his shoulder starts
twitching too, and the first
guy's eye
starts twitching. The secretary doesn't get any symptoms.
The third
guy has the hiccups. Now everyone catches the hiccups, and the third guy gets
the two twitches.
The fourth
guy sneezes. The fifth guy's legs wobble. The sixth guy occasionally shakes all
over.
Wait a bit,
with all the patients doing all the symptoms.
A scout
comes in with a beach ball under his shirt, like he's pregnant, and all the
patients run out screaming.
The pregnant
scout and secretary watch, wondering what's wrong with them.
"Where's
the maternity ward?" Secretary: "Oh, you're in the wrong office,
that's two floors up."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
It is
announced that a member of the troop has memorized Washington's Farewell
Address and is about to do
a dramatic
portrayal of it. A boy emerges dressed as Washington and delivers his farewell
address, "Bye Mom!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
A man,
crawling across the stage: "Water, water!!" Someone walks by, and the
crawling man tugs on his pant
leg.
"Water, Water!"
Man walking
by: "Sorry." He continues walking.
Another man
walks by, the crawling man tugs on his pant leg: "Water, Water!"
Man walking
by: "All I've got is this beef jerky, sorry." He keeps walking.
Another man
walks by, the crawling man tugs on his pant leg: "Water, Water!"
Man walking
by: "No, I don't have any." He keeps walking.
The crawling
man sees a cup of water at the other end of the stage. "Water!!" He
painfully crawls over there.
"Water!
Water!"
When he
reaches the water, he quickly stands up, dunks his comb in it, and uses it to
comb his hair.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
339. We Ain't Got the Money for the Mortgage on the Farm
One of
those repetitive jokes. Difference is, you do the skit to a beat, and everyone
bends their knees in sync
(or tries
to.) Successful or not, the knee bending (and attempts to keep in sync) alone
makes it hilarious.
Cast: Ma,
Pa, Bro, Sis, Cousin Joe, Auntie Mae, Gramps, Mr. Bankerman
Pa: (Comes
out, starts bending knees to a beat, and says to the beat) Hiya, Folks! I'm Pa
(people can
respond ...
repeat if desired.) Well, we ain't got the money for the mortgage on the farm.
Boo, Hoo, Boo Hoo
Hoo.
Ma: (Comes
out, bends knees to Pa's beat.)
Hiya, Pa!
Pa: Hiya, Ma!
Ma:
Whatsamatter, Pa?
Pa: Well, we
ain't got the money for the mortgage on the farm.
Pa & Ma:
Boo, Hoo, Boo Hoo Hoo!
Continues
with Bro coming in, saying Hiya, Ma (who responds, Hiya, Bro) to the beat, then
says Hiya Pa,
(Hiya, Bro)
then Whatsamater Pa? who responds about the mortgage. Continue in like manner
through to
Gramps, each
lining up beside the person before them. Continue to Mr. Bankerman, who does
the same thing,
but faces
the line from the far side. They all go through the scene again, Hiya, Pa!
Hiya, Mr. Bankerman! etc.
Whatsamater,
Pa? Well, we ain't .... Finally,
Mr.
Bankerman: Well, Now I got Sis (abducts Sis, who of course resists.) Ha, Ha, Ha
Ha Ha!
All of a
sudden, everyone shoots at Mr. Bankerman, (Bang! Bang! Bang Bang Bang!) and he
falls over dead.
They
continue their leg bending. Next line is tricky to a beat, but think of rap
music. (What the heck is rap? You
mean that
garbage kids listen to?)
All: Now we
don't have to pay the mortgage on the farm!
Ha!
Ha! Ha Ha Ha!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
A silly
repetition skit that gets the victim wet.
Cast: 4-5
Crew members, Victim, cup of water
Setting:
Submarine
Sit in a
line just like in Veech Boton. Place your victim anywhere in the line but make
sure in advance you
know where
so that the person before or after has the water.
Captain:
(First in line) Fire #1!
(Goes down
the line to end; make a sound of it exploding)
Captain: We
missed! We have one more try! Fire #2!
(Goes down
the line to end; make a sound of it exploding)
Captain: We
missed! We'll just have to try to outrun them! (They turn left and right and
left in sync, but
finally,)
Captain:
They hit us! Incoming water! (Throw water on victim.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 321 through 340
This is
performed on a stage. Hang a large map, or a sheet with some outlines drawn on
it, across the back
of the
stage. Since the skit involves water, it is a good idea to use a waterproof
ground cloth to protect the stage.
Plan the
skit, assemble the materials, and assign responsibilities ahead of time.
Everybody except the
Scapegoat
knows what will happen. Let the Scouts decide what kind of weather to use, and
what props are
needed to
represent it.
The Skit
- Version 1:
The Weather
Man stands in front of the map, and presents a parody of the television evening
news report. He
reads from a
script in his hand. As he announces each kind of weather, it appears, aimed
straight at him from offstage.
He announces
that the South will have wind. The backdrop shakes and a large fan blows the
papers in his
hand.
The Weather
Man reports that there will be snow in the North. White confetti drops from the
sky, or over the
map. He
reports hail in the Midwest, and small white objects pelt him. (Plastic packing
makes good hail.)
Each time
the weather reacts to his report, the Weather Man acts more scared. Finally, he
turns the page,
stops, and
protests that he can't do this any more. He needs a brave person to read the
last forecast for him, and
asks for a
volunteer from the audience. With the help of the audience, the 'volunteer' is
selected and pushed
forward.
The
Scapegoat is handed the script, and reads, "And tomorrow this area will
have heavy rains." Instantly, he is
hit by a
bucket of water from offstage.
Version
2:
The Weather
Man and the Scapegoat will clearly expect something. In fact, the Weather Man
will usually
have a hard
time hiding his anticipation. Without warning him about the actual outcome, get
him wet instead of
the
Scapegoat.
Version
3:
Hang or hold
up a large map, or a sheet with some outlines of states on it. The scouts should
decided on the
weather and
the props in advance. The Weatherman stands in from of the map and presents a
weather report,
(like on TV)
He reads from a script in his hand. As he announces each kind of weather, it
appears, aimed straight
at him from
off stage. He announces that the South will have wind. The backdrop shakes and
a large wind blows
(be
creative). The Weather man reports there will be snow in the North. White
confetti falls from the sky over the
weatherman.
He reports hail in the midwest and white objects pelt him. The weatherman acts
more and more
scared.
Finally he turns the page and stops and quits. He asks for a volunteer to take
over. A volunteer is force
to continue.
He is handed the script which reads: TOMORROW THIS AREA WILL HAVE HEAVY RAINS,
the
reader is
immediately drenched with buckets of water. (Variation, go ahead and drench the
weatherman,
especially
funny if you have the scoutmaster be the weatherman and he does not know skit.)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
342. The Well-Trained Elephant
Cast: Trainer,
Two People to be the Elephant, blanket to cover, 4 Victims (or 3 Volunteers and
one Victim;
make sure
elephant knows who the Victim is), cup of water
Setting:
Circus
Trainer:
Ladies and gentlemen! I would like to show you the great tricks that my trained
elephant can do. For
instance, he
can count! Spot! Count to 5! (Spot thumps 5 times on the ground.) Now I need
some volunteers to
help show
just how very well trained my elephant is! Please, lie down on the ground with
some space between
you, and the
elephant will do some amazing tricks! (Leads the elephant over the people and
it does very well,
does not
walk on them at all, goes back and forth over them.) You see, it's a very well
trained elephant; it won't
walk on you.
(Ham it up and perhaps do a trick or two. Finally, the elephant spills the
water over the victims on a
certain
cue.) Oh, my, I guess I forgot to toilet train it!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
Cast: Actors,
directors, Gus
Scene:
Theater
Director:
Okay! Who's next for the auditions? You? Okay! Let's hear you!
Actor #1:
I'm trying out for the part of the Unknown Soldier. (He lies down, dead.)
Director:
Don't call us, we'll call you. Next!
Actor #2:
I'm trying out for the President ordering the men into action. Men, we must
unite to beat the foe and
protect the
people!
Director:
Very nice. We'll call your agent. Next!
Actor #3:
I'm trying out for the part of the dying soldier. (He dies a very painful,
emotional death.)
Director:
Sorry! Try out for the next movie. OK! Let's wrap it up!
Gus comes
running in.
Gus: Oh
please, Sir, I really would like a part in your play! I really need a break!
Just a small part,
Pleeeeeease,
Pretty Please, with sugar on top?
Director:
Fine. All you have to do is call out "Oh my Gosh, it's a cannon!"
when you hear a loud boom. Take
a moment to
practice while we load it up.
Gus
practices the line with several different voices, poses, etc.
Director:
OK, let's get a move on! I want to leave!
(Loud boom
from backstage.)
Gus: What
the heck was that?!?!?!?
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
Three Scouts
walk onto the stage, two of them carrying logs. The two carrying logs sit down
and begin
pounding the
stage with them, making an incredible racket. They pause, and the third Scout
announces, "How
cave men
tell time". The first two Scouts begin pounding again.
A voice from
off stage yells, "HEY! CUT IT OUT, IT'S TWO A.M."
The cave men
pick up their logs and exit all.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
Cast:
Leader, three or four Kids, Campfire Chief (in campfire blanket)
Setting:
Tent Area
Bryson:
(Crying on stage)
Kid 1: (Sees
leader; goes to him.) Bryson! What's the problem?
Bryson:
(Whispers in kid's ear.)
#1 begins to
cry too.
#2: Hey!
What's the problem?
#1 whispers
in #2's ear, and he starts crying too. Continue with #3 and #4.
Finally,
Campfire Chief comes around.
Chief: Hi!
I've come around to collect skit names for the campfire tonight!
Hey! What's
the problem?
All: We
don't have a skit!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
Cast:
Captain, three or four Pirates
Setting: On
the Bridge (Or Deck of a Ship)
Captain:
First Mate! What's 2+2?
1st Mate:
Duh! One, Sir!
Captain:
Good! Bosun! What's 2+2?
Bosun: Uhh
... let's see ... (Counts on fingers) Uhh ... Five, Sir!
Captain: No
problem! Gunner! What's 2+2?
Gunner:
Sheesh, Captain! Why give me all the hard ones?
Captain:
Great! Cook! What's 2+2?
Cook: Let's
see. Two apples and two potatoes makes ... (Thinks) Two apples and two
potatoes, Sir!
Captain:
Pleased to hear it! You! Floor Scrubber! What's 2+2?
Scrubber:
Four, Sir!
Captain: Off
with his head! (Cuts off head with sword.)
Servant:
Beggin' the Captain's pardon, Sir! I think everyone else got it wrong, but the
floor scrubber got it
right. Why
did you kill him?
Captain:
He's too smart! He might go after my job some day!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
One boy
plays sergeant and the rest line up in a row facing the audience. The sergeant
tells them to come to
attention
for inspection. The last boy in line sneezes. The sergeant asks who sneezed and
doesn't get an
answer. He
asks the man who sneezed to step forward in a threatening and commanding tone.
The sergeant
asks the
first boy if he sneezed and he denies it. The sergeant shoots him. The next boy
in line is asked if he
sneezed and
he replies, "Not since I was 10 years old." The sergeant shoots him.
Each boy has a different
answer as to
why he didn't sneeze and the sergeant shoots each one until the last boy is
reached. This boy really
worried and
shaking, admits that he sneezed but pleads to the sergeant not to shoot him.
The sergeant says that
he isn't
going to shoot him but just wanted to say GESUNDHEIT !
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
Cast: Boss,
4 Workers
Setting:
Office
Boss: Why
are you late?
#1: (Rushing
into work, breathless.) Sorry I'm late, Boss. My car broke down, so I took the
bus. But the
driver hit a
tree, so I had to take a cab. And it broke down, too. Fortunately, I was near a
Caläche so I borrowed
the horse.
But it ran so fast that it had a heart attack and collapsed. I had to jog the
rest of the way!
#2 & 3
come in late with exactly the same excuse. The boss becomes a little bit more
exasperated each time,
until #4
finally comes in, late of course.
Boss: Why
are you late? No, wait. Let me guess. Your car broke down, so you took the bus.
But the bus
driver hit a
tree, so you took a cab. And it broke down too. Fortunately, you were near a
Caläche and so you
borrowed the
horse. But it ran so fast that it had a heart attack and collapsed, so you had
to jog the rest of the
way, right?
#4: No boss,
you got it all wrong! The streets were so crowded with broken down cars, buses
and cabs,
trees, dead
horses, and worst of all some crazy joggers that I couldn't get through!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
You need a
screen (white sheet), Flashlight (bright) and a sick (size of a baseball bat).
The
announcer introduces the worlds greatest pitcher, elaborate on how great he is.
No one has hit him in the
last 100
games, (at least with a ball) etc. Get volunteers (4). Have pitcher throw his
pitches: (For fun give each
volunteer a
stick and rubber knife and instruct to make a baseball bat)
Announce
each pitch in advance and watch pitcher throw, followed by light on the screen
as the ball advances
toward the
batter.
1. Fast Ball
- Light goes fast across sheet from the back side)
2. Slider-
Light slopes down across sheet from back side)
3. Curve
Ball - light goes crazy
Each
volunteer only gets one pitch. Of Course since no ball is actually thrown, and
they can't hit the light so
they stand
there looking foolish.
The final
pitch, the Greatest Ever Spit Ball. Really ham it up. You announce the World's
Greatest Spit Ball.
As soon as
the Pitcher throws the ball you scream, "Look Out Its Out of
Control", followed by a bucket of water
being thrown
upon someone: Your choice, the announcer, pitcher, or batter!
If you are
going to get the batter, let the pitcher throw each pitch and announce it as
you see it on the screen.
The final
pitch of course is "Oh no its a spit ball!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
350. The World's Greatest Spitter
The world's
greatest spitter is bragging and demonstrating on how well he can spit. He has
an assistant, who
has an empty
pail. When the assistant catches the spit, he thwacks the bottom of the pail
with his fingers to make
it go ping.
First, do
the world's highest spit. Spit up.
Next, do the
world's fastest spit. Ping the pail at the same time as he spits.
Next, do the
world's slowest spit. Spit in slow motion, wait a while, look at your watch,
then catch it. Ping.
Catch the
world's highest spit. (Someone objects. Explain it traveled further than the
slowest spit.)
Next,
prepare yourself, do the world's biggest spit. Hock for a while. Do it behind a
sheet. Someone objects.
The world's
greatest spitter grabs the pail (now a different pail, actually, filled with
water) and throws the water at
him to
demonstrate how big the spit was.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
A scout gets
up and says, "Tonight, Den ___ is going to present to you a rare public
showing of The World's
Ugliest Man.
"This
man is so ugly, that no one can bear to look upon his face without shrieking
and fainting dead away. So,
in the
interests of safety, we've covered him up with a sheet so all of you in the
audience won't need to go to the
emergency
room."
At this
point, the rest of the den brings out Ugly (another one of the cubs), draped in
a sheet like a ghost.
Ugly stands
in front of the pack with his back to it. The MC says, "To demonstrate how
ugly this man is, is
there a
volunteer who dares to try to look upon his face?"
The den
members all raise their hands and ask to do it. The MC picks one, who walks in
front of Ugly.
Another cub
raises the sheet--and of course, the victim screams and faints. The louder the
scream and the
quicker the
collapse, the better.
"Is
there another volunteer?" the MC asks. And so on, until all the boys in
the den have taken their turn
screaming
and fainting. By this time, there should be a pile of cubs laying on the floor
in front of Ugly.
The MC says,
"Well, I see that no cub can take it. Is there an adult who would like to
volunteer? How about
our
Cubmaster? Mr. Farnham, are you brave enough?"
Me (or any
other adult leader): "No, I don't dare. I've seen what's happened to you
all."
After much
cajoling, the adult agrees to come up and try. He walks up in front of the
world's ugliest man, the
sheet is
raised, and--
The world's
ugliest man screams and faints!
This is a great
skit, guaranteed to get a huge laugh. The boys have a blast doing it, and the
parents like it too.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
(Three tired
looking hikers enter, drop packs and flop in a circle.)
Hiker 1:
(groans) What a day.
Hiker 2:
(after a pause, groans) What a day.
Hiker 3:
(happily) Yeah, it sure was!
Hiker 2:
(angrily) If you can't stick to the subject, I'm leaving!
(First two
hikers stalk off, leaving third looking very surprised).
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
For this
skit, you need a character from a known skit -- one that was done previous to
this one during the
campfire,
for instance. It doesn't matter who it is or what he's doing, as long as he's
immediately recognizable,
and of
course you use the punch line, "(Looks around; in normal voice,) Oh,
sorry! I'm in the wrong skit!"
Cast:
Announcer, Peanuts
Setting:
Stage
Announcer:
Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Welcome to the Greatest Show on Earth!
Tonight's
show will
include ....
Peanuts:
(Stumbles in with ripped shirt, backwards pants, beat up, in cuckoo voice.)
Judge! I like to smash
Peanuts with
a hammer ... (Looks around; in normal voice,) Oh, sorry! I'm in the wrong skit!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
An easy
2-person skit to place in those loose moments.
Cast: Person
on the phone, Friend
Setting:
Living Room
Person:
(Phone rings, picks it up.) Hello? Yes? You don't say ... You don't say ... You
don't say ... You
don't say?
... You don't say! ... You don't say. Bye!
Friend: Say,
who was on the phone?
Person: He
didn't say!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
Cast:
Person, 3 Tie Salesmen, Maitre d'
Setting:
Desert
Person:
(Gasping) Water! I need water!
#1: Sir!
Would you like to buy a tie? This one would look so good on you!
Person: I
want water, not a tie!
#2: (After a
pause) Sir! We're having a tie sale. Would you like to buy a nice tie for a
great price?
Person: I'm
dying of thirst, and you want to sell me a tie?
#3: (After a
pause) Sir! I have these fine silk ties at reasonable prices. Would you care to
look at my stock?
Person:
Sheesh! What kind of people sell ties in the middle of the desert to thirsty
people? (After a pause;
looks to the
distance) An oasis! I'm saved! (Scrambles over.) Sir! Please! I would like to
buy a glass of water!
Maitre d':
I'm sorry Sir, but you can't enter this restaurant without a tie.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
An
ingenious one, usually only good at summer camp. Modify as necessary, (or as
possible) depending on
applicable
rules.
Cast: Mean
Pirate Captain, 6 Pirates, Lifeguard
Setting:
Pirate Ship at Sea
Captain:
Okay let's see the first o' you. Which rule did you break?
#1: I...
I... I ran around in the dining hall when I should have been sitting down!
Captain:
Walk the plank! And you?
#2: I pushed
into the canteen line, Sir!
Captain:
Walk the plank! And you?
#3: I wasn't
quiet when the sign was up!
Captain:
Walk the plank! And you?
#4: I was
talking after bedtime!
Captain:
Walk the plank! And you?
#5: I wasn't
listening during badge work!
Captain:
Walk the plank! And you?
#6: I was
playing with the campfire!
Captain:
Walk the plank!
Lifeguard
comes out.
Lifeguard:
Okay guys, BUDDY UP AND NO TALKING!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
One day
Scouter Kent ( camp chief ) and Scouter Jason ( assistant camp director )
decide to get away from it
all and move
to the Yukon. The story goes , they sell everything and pack up for a long trip
to the Yukon by canoe
(get in and
row) finally arriving in a sheltered valley they decide that this is the place
for them.
Kent:
"Nice place , lets build a log cabin"
Jason: Yeah.
So they
build a cabin after all that work, they have a nice log cabin to survive the
harsh weather of the north.
Now fall is
at the door.
Kent:
"Winter is coming and we need to cut firewood"
Jason:
"Yeah".
So they
start cutting wood with ax and saw -- cut and saw and saw and cut 5 cords, 10
cords, 15 cords (neatly
piled as
good scouts know how).
Kent:
"Hey Jason think we have enough for the winter?"
Jason:
"Yeah, I don't know"
Kent
":I heard that there is an old Hermit on top the mountain that can tell
what winter is like here. Lets go and
see
him".
Jason:
"Yeah, OK".
So they pack
up and start the long trek to the top of the mountain, through the woods.
(Demonstrate going
through
rivers, mud, climbing a cliff, rain, encountering bears, mountain lions, cats,
chickens (wild variety
demonstrate
the trip). They finally arrive at the top of the mountain where they find an
old Hermit sitting on a rock.
Kent, going
up to the Hermit and says, "Oh Wise Hermit I was told that you can tell us
how the winter will be.
Please help
us. We are from the south and we had warm winters and oil heaters!"
Jason:
"Yeah"
The Hermit
gets up and goes to the edge of the mountain, looks around putting his hand to
his brow looks
straight in
front of him and says, "It will be a cold winter, and a long winter.”
He goes back to his rock.
Kent:
"Thank you Wise Hermit"
Jason:"
Yeah, thanks".
So they turn
back to their cabin. (Demonstrate trek in reverse).
Kent:
"I do not think that we have enough wood for the winter let's cut
more."
Jason:
"Yeah, yeah"
So for the
next two weeks, they cut wood -- 20 more cords. Now they had 35 cords and the
snow started
falling in
the valley and it was cold.
Kent:
"Now we have 35 cords, this should be good for winter".
Jason: Yeah
Kent:
"We should go and see the Hermit to ask him how the winter will be."
Jason:
"Yeah"
REPEAT THE
TREK to find the Hermit on his rock on the top of the mountain.
Kent:
"Oh Wise Hermit how will the winter be?"
The Hermit
gets up goes to the edge of the mountain looks around puts both hands to his
brow and says: "It
will be a
cold winter, a very cold winter, a very long winter!"
Jason:
"Oh yeah"
Kent:
"Thank you Wise Hermit."
So back to
camp they go. Snow is falling more and more now it is November. Again they cut
wood , day and
night now
they have cut 25 more cords 60 cords in all.
Kent:
"I think this should be plenty for the winter. But we should see the
Hermit to be safe."
Jason:
"Yeah" (Jason should be getting a laugh by now)
So again
they trek up the mountain for the third time. (Demonstrate trek again) All
tired and sore from their
encounters,
finally, 5 days later, they got to top of the mountain where the old Hermit is
covered with snow sitting
on his rock
as usual.
Kent:
"Oh Wise Hermit, tell us one more time what will the winter be like?"
Jason:
"Yeah."
Again the
Hermit gets up goes to the edge of the mountain and putting his hand to his
brow and says: "It will
be a big
winter, a very big winter."
Kent:
"Oh Wise Hermit tell me how you know this. Is it because of the mountains
the animals? I want to learn
how to read
signs of nature".
Jason:
"Yeah"
The Hermit
turning to Scouters Kent and Jason he says, "It’s easy. I look down
in the valley and from here, I
can see two
guys cutting and piling firewood like crazy!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
Version
1:
1st boy
walks in and draws an imaginary circle on the ground and start to jump up and
down on the circle
yelling
"49...49...49...49"
2nd boy
walks in looking puzzled. He comes up to the 1st boy and says "What are
you doing??"
1st boy
avoids talking to the 2nd boy a couple of times then he stops and tells the
other boy he is jumping up
and down and
yelling 49...49...
2nd boy asks
if he can do it.
1st boy say
"Sure."
2nd Boy
jumps up and down a couple of times while yelling "49...49..." until
the 1st boy pulls the imaginary
circle out
from underneath the 2nd boy. He then places the imaginary circle to the side a
bit and starts jumping up
and down
yelling "50...50...50..."
Version
2:
Cast:
Jumper, bystander
Setting:
City Street
A person is
jumping on up and down, yelling 49! 49! 49! The second person comes by and
notices this; he
asks what
he_s doing.
Victim: What
are you doing?
Jumper: I'm
jumping up and down on this manhole yelling 49! 49! 49! It's really fun! Wanna
try?
Victim:
Sure! (He takes the jumper's place and yells 49! 49! 49! All of a sudden, the
jumper pulls the
manhole
cover out from under the victim, who falls into the sewer.)
Jumper: 50!
50! 50!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
Cast: Don,
Mrs. G., Mr. G., Suzanne, Gary, Friend
Setting: Don
is telling his friend a story about his strange friends.
Don: You
know, in my friends' house, they have four floors. And each member of the
family occupies a floor.
The other
day, for instance, I went to the kitchen on the first floor, and Mrs. G. was
making a roast. I told her,
"Mrs.
G., you should bake it at 375 degrees." But she told me,
Mrs. G.:
(Slaps him in face) Don, you're not making this roast. Keep quiet.
Don: Then I
went to the second floor. Mr. G. was working on his model airplane. I said,
"Mr. G., you should
paint this
part red." He told me,
Mr. G.:
(Slaps him in face) Don, you're not making this plane. Keep quiet.
Don: Then I
went to the third floor. Suzanne was doing on her hair. I said, "Suzanne,
you should use some
mousse."
She spun around, really annoyed, and tells me,
Suzanne:
(Slaps him in face) Don, it's not your hair. Keep quiet.
Don: I was
losing my nerve, but I went to the fourth floor anyway. Gary was doing his
homework. I
suggested,
"If you type it out, it'll look better and you'll get a better grade."
He got really angry and told me,
Gary: (Slaps
him in face) Don, it's not your report. Keep quiet.
Teller:
Finally, I figured I'd go to the fifth floor and ...
Friend: But
wait a minute. You said there were only four floors!
Teller:
(Slaps him in the face) Keep quiet! This is my skit!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
A
2-person skit that only requires a length of rope.
Cast: 2
People on the phone, up to seven Victims, rope
Each person
is holding the rope at either end, and talking on the telephone
Person 1: I
went fishing the other day!
2: Can't
hear you!
1: Said I
went fishing the other day!
2: Can't
hear you! Maybe the phone company needs more telephone poles!
Get a couple
of victims to hold the rope up in the middle.
1: That
better?
2: A little!
Try again.
1: Went
fishing the other day!
2: Really?
Is it a good sushi bar?
1: No! I
went fishing! Maybe they need more poles!
Get a couple
more victims to help hold the rope up.
1: As I was
saying, the spot I was at wasn't great!
2: No, still
can't hear you. Did you say you got grapes?
1: Hold on a
minute.
Get another
couple of poles.
1: I said
that I went fishing and my luck wasn't too good!
2: That's
better! Still a little interference, but you say you hit a puck? I think one
more pole will help greatly.
Get one more
pole.
2: Perfect!
1: Gee! The
phones today. Anyway, I went fishing the other day.
2: Oh? And
how did you do? Any bites?
1: Not good.
But today, I did get 7 jerks on the line!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 341 through 360
Walk-ons, Run-ons and Other Shorts
Skits 361
through 382
The style of
a walk-on is simple. A walk-on should in general be pre-arranged with the
person who is
supposed to
be up there talking. If it is not pre-arranged it can be more of a practical
joke. While the leader is
talking, a
Scout walks on stage doing or saying something. The leader responds
accordingly, usually in an
exasperated
way, and the scout then says the groaner punch line.
Return to Table
of Contents: Walk-ons, Run-ons. Other Section
A five
second gag to put into a loose moment.
Cast:
Campfire chief and a volunteer in the audience
Campfire
Chief: And now it's time to make a spot announcement. (Dog barks from the
audience.) Thank you
Spot.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Version
1:
This one
is a run on that requires the above-mentioned partner whose been around for
years and will be for
years more,
and good timing. One of the nice things about this one is that you can use as
little as two
appearances
or if necessary, you can expand upon it to other situations involving the
wordplay about "case" and
court.
Another line would be at the beginning where the litigant goes to someone for
advice, but they say that they
don't
have a case, prompting them to go buy a briefcase.
Cast:
Campfire Chief, litigant, briefcase
Setting:
Campfire
Each time
the litigant comes in, the campfire chief is about to announce or close a skit.
Requires perfect
timing or a
chief who is able to blend in the litigant's entries perfectly, or both.
Chief:
Hello? I'm trying to introduce the next item? What are you doing here?
Litigant:
(coming in with briefcase) Uh, excuse me, but I need to tell you something. My
inspection results
today were
terrible, so I'm going to (lift up briefcase) bring my case to court.
Next
appearance, the litigant is crawling on the ground with a flashlight, without
the briefcase:
Chief: Oh,
it's you again. What are you doing down on the ground?
Litigant: I
lost my case! I'm looking for it!
Next
appearance, the litigant is up on a table, a high chair, a tall tree stump, in
a tree, whatever, carrying his
briefcase.
He makes noise to get attention, and the chief shines a light on him.
Chief: What
are you doing now?
Litigator:
I'm bringing my case to a higher court!
Last
appearance is a little dangerous. Be careful to have plenty of open space where
people won't get hurt,
and that the
chief is ready for this.
Suddenly the
briefcase is flying through the air and the Chief catches it -- if only to
protect the audience :) --
and
exclaims:
Chief:
(Flustered) What's this all about?
Litigator:
My case got thrown out of court!
Version
2:
From: Tom
Oldershaw
Scene: A
person standing on a stage reciting a long story (or some other activity). A
second person will enter
at various
stages and interrupt him, after which the story teller starts again.
The second
person will need the following props: A briefcase, and a step ladder.
1. Person 2
walks on with a briefcase. First person asks him what he's doing. Reply:
"I'm taking by case to
court".
Walks off.
2. Enters
again with a step ladder. Same as before, this time replying: "I'm taking
my case to a higher court"
3. This time,
person two places the hands of the story teller in front of him, and puts his
case on them. "I rest
my
case" (This one works best when the story teller doesn't know about it).
4. This
time, without a case: "I lost my case" [We also "lost the
case" by searching all around the stage,
cabinets
under the stage, near the MC ('scuse me, 'pardon me), under his papers, etc.
Then tell him you
"lost
your case."]
5. Entry
with a banana and case: "What are you doing with that banana?"
"I am appealing my case!"
6. Next
time: Open and close the case as you walk across the stage. When MC asks what
you are doing,
tell him/her
"...it's an open and shut case!"
7. Person
enters, case open and inverted. MC asks, "Now what are you doing?"
Person replies, "My case
got overturned."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Scout: Walks
on stage, looks around slowly and says, "Scotty! The aliens are very
unfriendly!! Quick!! Beam
me
aboard!!"
Another
scout in the audience: THUNK (the sound of a 2x4 landing on stage)
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
1st scout,
"Hey George, look over there, smoke signals."
2nd scout
,"Oh yes Mike, what do they say?"
1st scout,
pretending to look away through binoculars, says very slowly, "Help...
My... Blankets... On... Fire.
1st scout
looking back at 2nd scout, "Help my blankets on fire?"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Scout 1:
Whatcha doing ?
Scout 2:
Writing a letter to my little brother.
Scout 1: Why
are you writing so slowly?
Scout 1:
Because my little brother can't read very fast!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
A quickie
goes like this: Persons runs "onstage" screaming "they're after
me! They're after me!" MC asks
"Who's
after you" Person replies "The squirrels, they think I'm nuts"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
You need two
characters, one on stage and the other to rush on in a panic, swatting the air,
looking desperate
and yelling,
"It's all around me, it's all around me!"
"What?
What's all around you?" the first player asks. The other replies,
"My
belt, of course!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Player walks
across the area scattering handfuls of leaves he takes from a big bag. Another
player
approaches
and asks, "What are you doing?" 1st Player: I'm leaving!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Two scouts
needed, or one scout and the MC.
One: (walks
onto stage area pulling a string big enough to see)
Two:(asks)
What are you doing
One: I'm
pulling a string
Two: what
are you doing that for?
One: Well,
have you ever tried to push one?!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Two scouts
needed, or one scout and the MC.
"They're
all over me, they're all over me!"
"What's
all over you?"
"My
clothes!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
And one more
from me...
Walk across
the front of the room tossing a ball several inches to a foot up in the air.
Set up a
plant in the audience or Cubmaster asks "What are you doing?"
Replies,
" I'm throwing up!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Through the
meeting or campfire, different people run through with some container (cups,
buckets, cans, etc).
Eventually
the MC stops one of them and asks what's going on to which the reply is
"your tent (car, house
whatever) is
on fire". Now when we do it we add a great deal to it depending on the
location setting etc. The water
carriers ham
it up by making it look like a real effort or something very serious. The MC
makes some comment to
the audience
each time one runs through including things like requesting a cup of coffee the
next time someone
runs
through. Sometimes we have people "offstage" cheering the runner
through. And sometimes we change the
"punch
line". Like MC: where's the fire?, runner: there's no fire, so & so is
thirsty, at which time someone walks
across with
a cup and wiping their mouth saying ahhhhhhh. I think you can get the idea from
there.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Alien comes
in - traditional "take me to your leader" routine etc. When taken to
leader the alien says, "Stop
singing,
Ging Gang Goolie -- it's our national anthem..."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Mike: Why do
you keep the ruler on the newspaper when you're reading?
Spike: I
want to get the story straight!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Cub 1: Ask
me if I'm a rabbit.
Cub 2: Okay
Are you a rabbit?
Cub 1: Yes.
Now ask me if I'm a beaver.
Cub 2: Are
you a beaver?
Cub 1: No,
stupid. I already told you I was a rabbit!
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Scene 1: Guy
juggling balls. Drops one. Snaps fingers and says, "Missed!" Exits.
Scene 2:
Same guy juggling balls. Drops one. Snaps fingers and says, "Missed!"
Exits.
Scene 3:
Same guy says. "If I don't get it this time, I'll shoot myself!"
Juggles balls. Drops one. Exits (Sound of
gunshot)
Same guy
re-appears, snaps fingers and says, "Missed!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Teacher:
What has five fingers and can be made of leather? Johnny : Eh... I don't know.
Teacher: One
glove! Now, what has 10 fingers and can he made of leather?
Johnny :
Eh.... I don't know.
Teacher: Two
gloves! Now, who is the Governor General of Canada? Johnny : Eh.... Three gloves?
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Shopper:
Have you any four-volt two-watt bulbs? Clerk : For what?
Shopper: No,
four-volt, two-watt.
Clerk : Two
what?
Shopper:
yes!
Clerk : No.
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
(Three tired
looking hikers enter, drop packs and flop in a circle.)
Hiker 1:
(groans) What a day.
Hiker 2:
(after a pause, groans) What a day.
Hiker 3:
(happily) Yeah, it sure was!
Hiker 2:
(angrily) If you can't stick to the subject, I'm leaving! (First two hikers
stalk off, leaving third looking
very
surprised).
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
Center stage
is a lad fishing from a billy can or bucket, he keeps pulling the rod as though
he has something
on the line.
A passer by looks at him as he walks by and then walks on, after a few steps
the passer by comes
back to the
lad.
Passer by:
"What are you doing there then?"
Fisher:
"I'm fishing, what does it look as though I'm doing?"
Passer by:
"Fishing eh!, what are you fishing for."
Fisher:
"I'm fishing for suckers."
Passer by:
"Have you caught any?"
Fisher:
"Yes you're the third today"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 361 through 380
1st scout:
"OOOOOUCH , OOOOOH , OOOUCH."
2nd scout:
"What's the matter with you?"
1st scout:
"A bee's stung my thumb."
2nd scout:
"Try putting some cream on it then."
1st scout:
"But the bee will be miles away by this time."
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 381 through 382
"They're
all around me!"
"What?"
"Cheesy
run-ons!"
Return to Table
of Contents: Skits 381 through 382
The Songs of
Scouting!
Softly falls the light
of day,
As our campfire fades
away.
Silently each Scout
should ask,
"Have I done my
daily
task?
Have I kept my honor
bright?
Can I guiltless sleep
tonight?
Have I done and have I
dared,
Everything to be
Prepared?"
Listen Lord, oh listen
Lord,
As I whisper soft and
low.
Bless my mom and Bless
my dad,
These are things that
they should know.
I will keep my honor
Bright,
The oath and law will be
my guide.
And mom and dad this you
should know,
Deep in my heart I love
you so.
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
On my honor, I'll do my
best,
To do my duty to
God.
On my honor, I'll
do my
best,
To serve my country as I
may.
On my honor, I'll
do my
best,
To do a good turn each
day.
To keep my body
strengthened.
To keep my mind
awakened,
To follow paths of
righteousness,
On my honor, I'll do my
best.
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
Tune: "Kum Ba Yah"
A Scout is trustworthy,
Lord, Kum ba yah!
A Scout is loyal, Lord,
Kum ba yah!
A Scout is helpful,
Lord, Kum ba yah!
Oh, Lord, Kum ba yah.
A Scout is friendly,
Lord, Kum ba yah!
A Scout is courteous,
Lord, Kum ba yah!
A Scout is kind, Lord,
Kum ba yah!
Oh, Lord, Kum ba yah.
A Scout is obedient,
Lord, Kum ba yah!
A Scout is cheerful,
Lord, Kum ba yah!
A Scout is thrifty,
Lord, Kum ba yah!
Oh, Lord, Kum ba yah.
A Scout is brave, Lord,
Kum ba yah!
A Scout is clean, Lord,
Kum ba yah!
A Scout is reverent,
Lord, Kum ba yah!
Oh, Lord, Kum ba yah.
KUM BA YAH
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
Tune: "Joy in my
Heart"
I've got that Scouting
Spirit,
Up in my head, Up in my
head, Up in my head,
I've got that Scouting
Spirit,
Up in my head, Up in my
head, to stay.
I've got that Scouting
Spirit,
Deep in my heart, Deep
in my heart, Deep in my heart,
I've got that Scouting
Spirit,
Deep in my heart, Deep
in my heart, to stay.
I've got that Scouting
Spirit,
Down in my feet, Down in
my feet, Down in my feet,
I've got that Scouting
Spirit,
Down in my feet, Down in
my feet, to stay.
I've got that Scouting
Spirit,
All over me, all over
me, All over me,
I've got that Scouting
Spirit,
All over me, All
over me, to stay.
I've got that Scouting
Spirit,
Up in my head, Deep in
my heart, Down in my feet,
I've got that Scouting
Spirit,
All over me, All over
me, to stay.
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
Tune: "Caisson
Song"
Over hill, over
dale,
We will hit the
green-wood trail,
As the Cub scouts go
hiking along.
In and out, all around,
You will
never see us frown, As
the Boy
Scouts go hiking along.
And it's hi! hi!
hee!
The B.S.A.'s for me,
Shout out our name and
shout it strong.
Where ever we go, you
will always know,
That the Cub Scouts go
hiking along.
Return to Table of Contents: Songs 1 through 21
6. Old King Cole –
Scout Version
Old King Cole, was a
merry old soul and a merry old soul was he.
He called for his pipe
and he called for his bowl, and he called for his Tenderfoots three.
Rooty-Tooty-Tooty-Tooty-Toot!
Said the
Tenderfoots,
Merry men are we! And
there's none
so fair as can compare
with the boys from C.P.C.
Old King Cole, was a
merry old soul and a merry old soul was he.
He called for his pipe
and he called for his bowl, and he called for his Second Class three.
Ring-A-Ding Ring-A-Ding
Ding, said the Second Class,
Rooty-Tooty-Tooty-Tooty-Toot!
said the Tenderfoots,
Merry men are
we!
And there's none so fair
as can compare with the boys from C.P.C.
Old King Cole, was a
merry old soul and a merry old soul was he.
He called for his pipe
and he called for his bowl, and he called for his First Class three.
HIIIIGH-YYYUP!! Said the
First Class
Ring-A-Ding Ring-A-Ding
Ding! Said the Second Class
Rooty-Tooty-Tooty-Tooty-Toot!
Said the Tenderfoots,
Merry men are
we!
And there's none so fair
as can compare with the boys from C.P.C.
Old King Cole, was a
merry old soul and a merry old soul was he.
He called for his pipe
and he called for his bowl, and he called for his Cub Scouts three.
Here We Go Again! Said
the Cub Scouts,
HIIIIGH YYYUPP!! Said
the First Class,
Ring-A-Ding Ring-A-Ding
Ding! Said the Second Class,
Rooty-Tooty-Tooty-Tooty-Toot!
Said the Tenderfoots,
Merry men are
we!
And there's none so fair
as can compare with the boys from C.P.C.
Old King Cole, was a
merry old soul and a merry old soul was he.
He called for his pipe
and he called for his bowl, and he called for his Webelos three.
Where's my Big White
Horse!! Said the Webelos,
Here We go again! Said
the Cub Scouts,
HIIIIGH YYYUPP!! Said
the First Class,
Ring-A-Ding Ring-A-Ding
Ding! Said the Second Class,
Rooty-Tooty-Tooty-Tooty-Toot!
Said the Tenderfoots,
Merry men are
we!
And there's none so fair
as can compare with the boys from C.P.C.
Return to Table of Contents: Songs 1 through 21
Tune: "Finiculee
Finicula"
One day I took with me
upon the subway,
My Cub Scout Hat, My cub
Scout Hat.
I laid it down upon the
seat beside me,
My Cub Scout Hat, My Cub
Scout Hat.
A big Cubmaster came and
sat upon it.
My Cub Scout hat, he
squashed it flat!
A big Cubmaster came and
sat upon it.
My Cub Scout Hat, he
squashed it flat!
Christopher Columbus!
Now what do ya' think of that?
A big Cubmaster sat upon
my hat.
My hat he broke, and
that's no joke!
My hat he broke and
that's no joke!
Christopher Columbus!
Now what do ya' think of that?
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
Tune: "Yankee
Doodle Dandy"
TRUSTY Tommy was a
Scout, LOYAL to his mother, HELPFUL to the
folks about, and
FRIENDLY to his brother.
COURTEOUS to the girls
he knew, KIND unto his rabbit, OBEDIENT
to his father too, and
CHEERFUL in his habits.
THRIFTY saving for a
need, BRAVE, but not a faker, CLEAN in thought
and word and deed, and
REVERENT to his Maker.
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
9. The Scout Who Never
Returned
Tune:
Charlie On The MTA
Let me tell you of a
story of a Scout named . . . ,
On that tragic and fateful day;
Put his/her Scout knife in his/her pocket;
Kissed his/her dog and family;
When to hike in the woods far away.
Well, did he/she ever return?
No, he/she never returned.
And his/her fate is still unlearned:
He/she may roam forever in the woods and mountains,
He/she's the Scout who never returned.
Now you citizens of [town name],
Don't you think it's a scandal
How ol' [Scout's name] got lost that day?
Take the right equipment; TAKE ALONG A BUDDY,
When you hike in the hills that way.
Or else you'll never return,
No, you'll never return.
And your fate will be unlearned: (just like [Scout's name])
You may roam forever in the woods and mountains,
Like the Scout who never returned.
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
Tune: Addams Family
Theme (TV) by Vic Muzzy, 1964
Chorus:
Da da da dum (snap snap)
Da da da dum (snap snap)
Da da da dum
Da da da dum
Da da da dum (snap snap)
We thank you Lord for giving,
The things we need for living
The food, the fun, the friendship,
The Scouting Fam-i-ly.
We thank you for the food Lord,
For Mom and Dad and you Lord,
We thank you for the food Lord,
The Scouting Fam-i-ly.
We thank You Lord for giving
The food we need for living
Be with us while we eat it,
Because we really need it.
Be present at our table LORD,
Be here and every where adored.
These mercies bless and grant that we,
May love serve and obey Thee.
We thank you for this day, Lord
For friends and family,
Lord.
We thank you for this food, Lord
For friends and family.
Ah-ah-amen (snap-snap)*
Ah-ah-amen (snap-snap)*
Ah-ah-amen, Ah-ah-amen,
Ah-ah-amen (snap-snap)*
*Note: Cross arms and snap fingers twice
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
11. If I Weren't a Cub
Scout ...
Tune:
This is the Music Concert
If I were not a Cub
Scout, I wonder what I'd be
If I were not a Cub Scout, a ......
1. A bird watcher I'd be
Hark a lark, flying through the park, SPLAT!
2. A plumber I would be
Plunge it, flush it, look out below!
3. A mermaid I would be
Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop!
4. A carpenter I'd be
Two by four, nail it to the floor!
5. A secretary I'd be
z-z-z-z get the point, z-z-z-z get the point?
6. A teacher I would be
Sit down, shut up, throw away your gum!
7. An airline attendant I'd be
Coffee, tea, or me, sir; here's your little bag,BLEH!
8. A typist I would be
Ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ZING!
9. A hippie I would be
Love and peace, my hair is full of grease!
[or] Hey Man! Cool Man! Far out! Wow!
10. A farmer I would be
Here's a cow, there's a cow, and here's another yuck!
[or] Come on Betsy give... the baby's gotta live
11. A laundry worker I would be
Starchy here, starchy there, starchy in your underwear!
12. A cashier I would be
Twenty nine, forty nine, here is your change, sir!
13. A gym teacher I'd be
We must, we must, improve the bust!
14. A medic I would be
Turn around, drop your pants, jab, jab, jab!
15. A doctor I would be
Take a pill; pay my bill! I'm going golfing!
[or] Needle! Thread! Stick 'em in the head!
16. An electrician I would be
Positive, negative bbzzzzt zap
17. A fireman I would be
Jump lady, jump... whoa spat!
18. A cook I would be
Mix it, bake it; heartburn-BURP!
19. A ice cream maker I'd be
Tutti-frutti, tutti-frutti, nice ice cream!
20. A politician I would be
Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on election day!
21. A butcher I would be
Chop it up, grind it up, make a little patty!
22. A garbage collector I'd be
Lift it, dump it, pick out the good stuff
[or] Pile that garbage. Pile that garbage. Pile it to the sky.
23. A [Domino's] pizza maker I'd be
30 minute, fast delivery!
24. A clam digger I would be
Dig one here, dig one there-Oh my frozen derriere!
25. Superman I would be
It's a bird, it's a plane, where is
26. Lois Lane I would be
Get away, get away, get away,
27. A cyclist I would be
peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle; ring, ring, ring!
28. A truck driver I'd be
Here's a curve, there's a curve. HERE'S A BETTER CURVE!
[Makes outline of shapely woman.]
29. A house cleaner I'd be
Ooh, a bug; squish it in the rug!
30. A baby I would be
Mama, Dada, I wuv you!
31. A Preacher I would be
Well, well, you never can tell; you might go to heaven, or you might go to ...
32. A DJ I would Be,
Miles of smiles on the radio dial.
33. A Stewardess I would be,
Here's your coffee, here's your tea. here's your paper bag, urrrp
34. A Baker I would be,
Donuts! Eclairs! Buy My Buns!
35. A Lifeguard I would be,
Save yourself,
[or] Mouth to Mouth Resuscitate, What a way to get a date.
36. A Lawyer I would be,
Honest. I swear, My client wasn't there
37. An Undertaker I would be,
6 x 4, nail them to the floor.
38. An Engineer, I would be,
Push the button, push the button, kick the darn machine.
39. A Ranger I would be,
Get eaten by a bear, see if I care.
40. Cubmaster I would be,
Do this, do that, I'm gonna take a nap.
Finally: A Girl Scout I would be!
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
12. I've Got That
Scouting Spirit
I've got that Scouting
spirit up in my head,
up in my head, up in my head.
I've got that Scouting spirit up in my head,
up in my head to stay.
I've got that Scouting
spirit deep in my heart,
deep in my heart, deep
in my heart.
I've got that Scouting
spirit deep in my heart,
deep in my heart to stay.
I've got that Scouting
spirit down in my feet,
down in my feet, down in
my feet.
I've got that Scouting
spirit down in my feet,
down in my feet to stay.
I've got that Scouting
spirit all over me,
all over me, all over
me.
I've got that Scouting
spirit all over me,
all over me to stay.
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
Tune:
Camptown Races
Cub Scouts all join in
the song,
Do-da, do-dah!
Pine car track am mighty
long,
Oh, do-day-day!
CHORUS:
Going to run so fast,
Going to get ahead,
Bet my money on a blue
pine car,
Somebody bet on the red.
Black cars, blue cars,
green and gray,
Do-da, do-da!
Are running on the track
today,
Oh, do-da-day!
CHORUS
Pine cars do have lots
of class,
Do-da, Do-dah!
Even though they don't
use gas,
Oh, do-da-day!
CHORUS
They're the pride of all
the Dens,
Do-da, do-da!
Built by Cub Scouts and
their friends,
Oh, do-da-day!
CHORUS
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
In
this song, the song leader sings (says) a line and the audience repeats the
line.
Keep the beat by alternately slapping thighs and clapping hands
Version 1:
Flea!
Flea Fly!
Flea Fly Mosquito!
Oh no no no no Mosquito!
Get that big bad bug with the bug spray!
PSSSSSSSSSSH (spray can sound)
Repeat three or more
times, each time a little faster.
Version 2: (long
version)
Flea!
Flea Fly!
Flea Fly Flo!
Vista
Coo-ma-la, Coo-ma-la, Coo-ma-la Vista
A beat billy oaten bobin
obo a boatin bobin obo a boatin bobin boatin bobin boatin bobin boatin bobin
sssshhh...
Flea!
Fleas Fly!
Fleas Fly! - Mosquito's
Oh no Oh no Oh no -
Mosquito!
Get that big bad bug with the bug spray!
PSSSSSSSSSSH (spray can sound)
Flea!
Fleas Fly!
Fleas Fly! - Mosquito's
Calamine, Calamine, Calamine lotion
Oh no, Oh no - no more Calamine lotion
Itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, itty bitty, teeny weeny
Nasty bitey mosquito -- SQUASH (squash is yelled at top of lungs)
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
15. Twelve Days of Summer
Camp
Tune: "The Twelve
Days of Christmas"
On the first day of
summer camp My mother sent to me...
A box of oatmeal
cookies.
On the second day of
summer camp My mother sent to me...
Two T-shirts, And
a box of oatmeal cookies.
On the third day of
summer camp My mother sent to me...
Three pairs of socks,
Two T-shirts, And a box of oatmeal cookies.
On the fourth day of
summer camp My mother sent to me...
Four woolen caps,
etc.
Five underpants,
Six postage stamps,
Seven nose warmers,
Eight Batman comics,
Nine bars of soap,
Ten Band-aids,
Eleven shoestrings,
Twelve bottles of insect
repellent...
Return to Table of Contents: Songs 1 through 21
On top of spaghetti, all
covered with cheese,
I lost my poor meatball,
when somebody sneezed.
It rolled off the table,
and onto the floor,
And then my poor
meatball,
Rolled out of the door.
It rolled in the garden,
and under a bush,
And then my poor
meatball,
Was nothing but
mush.
The mush was as tasty as
tasty could be,
And early next
summer,
It grew into a tree.
The tree was all covered
with beautiful moss,
It grew lovely
meatballs,
And tomato
sauce.
So if you eat spaghetti,
all covered with cheese,
Hold on to your
meatballs,
And don't ever
sneeze.
Return to Table of Contents: Songs 1 through 21
Tune:
"My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean"
My leader fell into a
pothole
In a glacier while climbing an Alp.
He's still there after 50 long winters,
And all you can see is his scalp.
Chorus:
Bring back, bring back,
O bring back my leader to me, to me.
Bring back, bring back,
O bring back my leader to me, to me.
My leader was proud of his whiskers,
To shave them would give him the blues.
They hung all the way to his ankles,
And he used them for shining his shoes.
Chorus:
My leader had faith in a sailboat
He had built from an old hollow tree.
My leader set sail for
Now my leader lies under the sea.
Chorus:
My leader made friends with hyenas,
He gave them a ride on his raft.
When a crocodile reached up and grabbed him,
The hyenas just sat there and laughed.
Chorus:
My leader annoyed his dear parents
They tossed him right out of the bus.
And if we don't mend our behavior,
Why that's what will happen to us.
Chorus:
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
Great green globs of
greasy grimy gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat,
Little birdies dirty feet,
Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
And I forgot my spoon!
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat,
Itsy bitsy birdie feet,
French fried eye-balls,
Rolling down a muddy street,
And I forgot my spoon.
(pause)
But I got my straw!
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat,
Saturated birdie feet,
All wrapped up in
All purpose porpoise pus.
And me without a spoon!
Gee whiz! (but I've got a straw)
Great green gobs of
greasy grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat
Chopped up dirty birdie feet.
A one pound jar of all purpose porpoise pus
Swimming in pink lemonade.
Scab sandwich, spit on
top
Monkey vomit, camel snot
Eagle eye and cookie goo
Made a sandwich just for you.
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
Tune:
"God Bless
Mom, wash my underwear, my only pair.
We can find them, and move them,
From the heap by the side of the chair.
To the washer, to the clothesline,
To my backpack, to my rear.
Mom, wash my underwear, my only pair.
Mom, wash my underwear, my only pair.
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
Old man Johnson had troubles of his own.
Had a little cat that wouldn't leave him alone.
He tried and tried to give him away,
He gave him to a man going far, far away.
CHORUS:
But the cat came back, the very next day.
But the cat came back, they thought he was a goner,
But the cat came back, he just couldn't stay away, away, away.
He gave it to a man
going up in a balloon.
Told him to give it to the man in the moon
The bal. came down about 20 miles away
And where that man is we just can't say.
(Chorus)
He gave him to a boy with a dollar note,
Told him to take up the river in a boat,
Tied a rock round its neck must have weighed a hundred pounds,
And now they're dredging the river for the little boy who drowned.
(Chorus)
He gave him to a man going way, way out west,
Told him to give it to the one he favored best,
First the train jumped track, then it hit the rail,
And no one is alive today to tell the gruesome tale.
(Chorus)
Old man Johnson said he'd shoot that cat on sight,
So he loaded up his shotgun with nails and dynamite.
He waited and waited for that cat to come around,
But ninety seven pieces of the man were all they ever found
(Chorus)
The H-bomb fell just the other day,
The A-bomb fell in the very same way,
The human race was destroyed without a chance to pray.
(Chorus)
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
Each
of the Animals have actions for the kids to do while singing.
A long time ago, when
the Earth was green
There was more kinds of animals than you've ever seen
They'd run around free while the Earth was being born
And the loveliest of all was the unicorn
Chorus:
There
was green alligators and long-necked geese
Some
humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees
Some
cats and rats and elephants but sure as you're born
The
loveliest of all was the unicorn
The Lord seen some
sinning and it gave Him pain
And He says, "Stand back, I'm going to make it rain"
He says, "Hey Brother Noah, I'll tell you what to do,
Build me a floating zoo,
Chorus:
And take some of those
Green alligators and long-neck geese
Some humpty backed
camels and some chimpanzees
Some
cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born
Don't
you forget My unicorns
Old Noah was there to
answer the call
He finished up making the ark just as the rain started to fall
He marched the animals two by two
And he called out as they came through Hey Lord,
Chorus:
I've got green
alligators and long-necked geese
Some humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees
Some
cats and rats and elephants, but Lord, I'm so forlorn
I
just can't find no unicorns"
As Noah looked out
through the driving rain
Them unicorns were hiding, playing silly games
Kicking and splashing while the rain was falling
Oh, them silly unicorns
Chorus:
There
was green alligators and long-necked geese
Some
humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees
Some
cats and rats and elephants but sure as you're born
The
loveliest of all was the unicorn
Noah
cried, "Close the door because the rain is falling
And
we just can't wait for no unicorns"
The
ark started moving, it drifted with the tide
The unicorns looked up from the rocks and they cried
And the waters came down and sort of floated them away
That's why you never see unicorns to this very day
Chorus:
You'll
see green alligators and long-necked geese
Some
humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees
Some
cats and rats and elephants,
but
sure as you're born You're never gonna see no unicorns.
Return to Table of Contents: Songs
1 through 21
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Last Revised on:
24 Jan 2011